Troy

Troy is a cool kid that moved here at the end of last year. He and his family were Katrina victims and ended up in Houston.

Troy wanted to learn to whistle really loud like me. I am a really loud whistler. I learned to whistle really loud in 5th grade, so whenever a kid asks me to teach them how to whistle, I always tell them that they will learn to whistle in 5th grade. Our school only goes up to the 4th grade so I never have to teach any of them to whistle! (Next year my school will be getting 5th grade--that'll be fun.)

Anyway, Troy was very persistent, so one day on the track I showed him how I learned to whistle. I told him that he will really have to practice and he can't practice around a bunch of people or he will bother them. I learned at a pep rally where no one cared how loud I was.

A few weeks later, Troy came up to me and said that he got it! We went outside and he blew out this really loud whistle! I decided to show him how to do a referee whistle that I can do. I told him that it will take him a long time to learn it. He came to me the next day and he could do the referee whistle too! I was so proud of him, I told him, "Troy, see, you can do ANYTHING! You just have to practice!" He was so happy and so proud of himself.

Friday Troy’s dad got arrested. Monday he didn't show up to school and then the papers came to check him out. He and his family moved back to New Orleans. I will miss Troy.

Tired?

This kid named Shane (big time trouble) was sitting on the stage kicking the railing and the railing was coming loose from where is was attached. He was mad because a teacher told him to go sit out because of his behavior. He got really mad when another teacher, "told him to sit down when he was already sitting." I started talking to him because he was breaking the railing. He got all upset and shouted, "I'm tired of this school!" I just said to him, "Well if you can find a school where they let you destroy property and yell at teachers, then please, move to that school!." AAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

The Ride of the Tiger

We were working on fictional tales in class today and the kids had to tell stories about things that happened to them--that didn't really happen to them. The game is called "Tell Me About The Time You..."

I asked a third grade girl named Rachel to tell me about the time she rode on the back of a tiger. She told how she was running for class president and to get votes, she rode on the back of a tiger. She said that it was very fun. It was even fun when the tiger ate her foot--(then she paused to think for a second)--because it's fun to watch tigers eat!

Sometimes First Graders are Funny Too

Katy, a first grader, was standing in line and stated, "I feel like I just ate a hamburger with catsup and mustard." It was only nine-thirty in the morning so I asked her the obvious question, "What did you have for breakfast?" Her reply, "The skins of a muffin. I didn't want to eat the blueberries."

I told this to her teacher and her teacher said that Katy is always cracking her up. She said that one day a girl in her class was standing there with her arms folded and Katy went up to her and asked, "Are you doing the margarita dance?" (She really meant to say "Macarena")

Why?

Whenever a kid comes up to me and says something like, "Mr. Bowers, Bobby hit me" or, "Mr. Bowers, Kelly pushed me." I will say to them, "Did you ask them why they did it?" If they say, "No" then I tell them to go and ask them, "why?"

Usually the other kid says something like, "Because you hit me first" or "Because you cut in front of me."

If someone came up to me and hit me I would usually know the reason why they did it. If I didn't know why they hit me, I would want to know.

I always tell them that hitting or pushing is no way to solve a problem--even if the other person hits first. I want the kids to start settling their messes by communicating with each other.

That Crazy Teegerstrom

The activity was a about character building. The assignment for each child was to come up with a character and an emotion. Then, I would give them a line to start a monologue with.

Teegerstrom (grade 4) came up for his turn. The character he came up with was half-ninja-half-wizard. AWESOME! What a great idea for a character. I am surprised there hasn't been some kind of movie with a half-ninja-half-wizard character. His emotion was anger, but he told me that it was really revenge.

The line I gave him to start his monologue with was, "Do you know me?"

"Do you know me? Well I know you, you are the one who killed my Sensay (sp?) Now you will pay!"

At this point he quit speaking and started doing this imaginary fight with lots of magical sounds and fantastic moves. I imagined him throwing stars with one hand and using his wand with the other. At one point he allowed his character to be thrown across the room, then he came back and defeated whoever he was fighting against. Even though he didn't have much of a monologue, he earned trememdous applause from his classmates--and from his teacher.

Bullmastiff

The owner came to pick up the dog. It turned out that she was a Bullmastiff. Whatever. She was a monster dog. The kids are still abuzz.

I still don't know how the dog got on the loose but here is the info I do have:

According to the owner she is less than a year old and she is around 80 lbs. Her name is Zena. She has one of those micro chips in her neck to identify her. She has tags, but they keep getting lost (probably they get knocked off as she is jumping over whatever fence is keeping her). The owner says that she is very playful.

Whatever. She is a monster dog in the memories of these children! I love it!!!

Dog in the Cafeteria!

So, I am standing outside making sure that the kids don't run to class this morning, and suddenly about fifteen of them come bolting out of the cafeteria being chased by a giant monster dog with markings kinda like a black tiger! It ran past the kids and made its way around the track. All of the kids were screaming and running--it was crazy. I thought for sure one of the kids was going to be eaten.

Ronisha's big teenage brother chased the dog through the mud--in white pants-- and caught her. Julie from the office came over with a leash. Julie is one of those "rescue a Greyhound" type people so she'll know what to do.

The dog is just a puppy (maybe a year and a half old), but it stands at least three feet tall--it's huge!

The best quote was from Bryante, a first grader, who was not afraid of the dog, "That dog was only trying to lick us."

Drama Club '06

Well, I have started another Drama Club. I kinda made a mistake during the audition process. I got a new monologue book this year and I guess the monologues that I gave them to memorize were shorter than the ones from last year because I had 28 kids do the work and memorize them as opposed to only 13 from last year. That is still a pretty low number considering the fact that I gave monologues to more than 300 third and forth graders.

Anyway, I am in the process of writing a play for these kids to perform. I think I got a good one. It is a tale of two households—well, kinda. One house has a kid in it that is pretty good and the other household has a kid who is kind of a bully. You get to see how in the good kids' household, the mom is cheerful and happy. In the bully's household, the mom is, well, not mean, but she is seriously stressed out because of work and the baby and trying to keep it all together, and her attitude rubs off on her kid.

At school, there will be a food fight resulting in the two kids both getting in trouble and while sitting out recess together, they become friends. Then, after school their mom's discover that they used to be friends when they were young and the good kid's mom offers to help out her old friend by keeping her kids after school, thus relieving the bully's mom's stress--or something like that.

There are many parts in the play for my 28 kids. Talking household pets, a grandpa, a bus driver, a policeman (The bus driver gets pulled over because the bully was throwing orange peels out of the window!) the principal, the teacher, two singing cafeteria ladies, the class clown (who is also the main characters' BFF [Best Friend Forever]) and several other kids with their own unique personalities.

I hope this years Club will be as hard working as the last. I will need it to be!

Camera Phone

Khalil was out of his seat crawling around the rug and I had a great idea. I pulled out my camera phone real quick and snapped a picture of him. He froze. I said, "Khalil, come look at this picture. Does it look like the kid in this picture is doing the right thing?" He shook his head. "Now, Khalil, I can delete this picture, or I can forward it to your mom's cell phone . Do you think your mom will enjoy receiving this picture?" Again he shakes his head. I continued, "I'm gonna keep this picture in my phone until the end of class and then I will decide if I want to delete it, or forward it.

Now, I don't even know if his mom has a cell phone--or even more, a phone that you can send pictures to--heck, I can only take pictures with my phone, I can't even send them! I guess if a kid ever calls my bluff and tells me to send their picture, I will just have to tell them that I sent it and if they ask their mom if she got a picture sent to her from their teacher then they will have to explain it.

I may have invented a new way to get after these kids! I might just have to write a book!

btw-Khalil stayed in his seat for the rest of class and I deleted the picture and he got a big smile on his silly face.

John Paul

I really love it when I get to teach all the kids in a family. I guess sometimes it can be a bad thing, but most of the time it is really cool. I taught John Paul's older brother and sister, but it has been at least three years since they moved on, so I had forgotten that they had a little brother. John Paul is the coolest! He is in Kinder and he is like a perfect mix of his two older siblings.

Yesterday we were talking about helping out around the house without being asked. You know doing things like putting up your toys, carrying your dishes to the sink and picking up your dirty clothes. John Paul raises his hand and tells me that he already helps out around the house. I asked him if his older brother helps out around the house. He replied, "Rarely."

(sigh) kindergartners.

Teegerstrom for President

Teegerstrom is his last name. He's one of those kids that I would describe as OTL (out to lunch). He always has the strangest things to say and whatever he says usually revolves around ninjas, robots or scientists.

He is a bully's favorite target. Luckily, he is in a Gifted and Talented class and there is only one bully--Rodney. Rodney is a very sneaky bully. He always has one eye on the teacher so the teacher never catches him being mean.

I have known Teegerstrom since Kindergarten and this is his 4th grade year. I remember a few years ago he was sad because he didn't like his last name, Teegerstrom. I told him that his last name was awesome because it sounds like tiger-strong. I told him, "You know, a Ninja would love the name Tiger Strong." Then I would say something really cool like, "Now you will feel the wrath of TIGER STRONG!!" He loved it. Now, I don't ever call him by his first name. To me he is only Teegerstrom.

Today, he really impressed me. We were talking about doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do, and how you will know what the right thing to do is. I used this example, "Let’s say you are playing in the yard and you look out and see a little kindergartner standing in the middle of the street looking at a puddle. What do you do?" Rodney raises his hand and says, "You go over and splash him?" You know I was having the hardest time not laughing along with the rest of the class. Well, Teegerstrom raises his hand and says something like this:

"Everyone is laughing at Rodney's joke, but Mr. Bowers is talking about compassion. You know like when you are waiting for a cab and it's raining and you see two little kids waiting for a cab and they don't have an umbrella. Do you just take the cab and let the two little kids keep getting wet? No, you give them the cab and you wait for another one."

Total silence. I was so impressed. I told the class that when they grow up they should look for someone like Teegerstrom to elect as a President. I told Teegerstrom that I was proud of him and that he is now starting to think on a higher level. I told him that I have never heard a 4th grader speak in such a wise way. He loved it, but he kept a serious expression the whole time.

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

I asked the kids to tell a familiar story from a different characters' perspective. I used the example of Baby Bear talking about how he came home and found his food eaten and his chair broken and a little girl sleeping in his bed. Some kids would do a different character in the Three Bears and some would do a character from a kids movie like "Cars", "Over the Hedge" or "Beauty and the Beast".

Then Marcellus comes up for his turn:

"I was swimming in the ocean and I seen this thing up at the top of the water that looked like food. I swam up to it and gobbled it up. Then the next day all these boats started looking for me and these two kids were pretending to be me and they got in trouble. Then the next day these three guys came out in a boat and started looking for me and were shooting me with these arrows and I broke their boat and ate up one of the men and then they blew me up."

Master Yoda is the BOMB!

I can speak first hand on the hottest toy of the holiday season. I always ask the the kids to tell me the best toy they got over the "Winter Holiday". This year there are the usual bicycles, Barbie's and Brats Dolls, however the absolute hottest toy is actually a video game--"Leggo Star Wars 2". I can speak first hand because I also got this game as a Christmas present from my little brother to play on my PS2. The cool thing about being a teacher this time of year is that I can ask the kids for help on certain levels of a game when I am having problems. You know like, "Hey Duncan, how do I get past the Emperor on level seventeen?"

The thing that worries me is that I played this game so much over the break that I am way ahead of the kids at my school. When I ask them about the Jabba the Hutt level, they look at me in awe and say, "I didn't even know there was a Jabba the Hutt level. Wow!"

Now I am truly the master. The kids are so amazed with my gaming skills that they start asking me for help. Finally I get the respect that I deserve. I know how it feels to be Yoda!

Back 2 School

Well, I'm back, but the kids haven't got here yet. Today is a teacher work day. All we do is sit in meetings trying to figure out how to make the kids smarter. I usually get a significant ammount of doodling done during these meetings--it gives me a chance to finish some of the doodling I started in my college days.

The PE coach and I take bets on which teachers will nod off during the meetings and count the number of times one of the speakers says, "in regards to". I think the record is actually 23!

There is always one or two kids that show up on teacher in service days. I hate it. I feel so sorry for the kid and also the parent. The poor kid is feeling all nervous because there are no other kids around. When the parent comes to school to pick up the kid they feel all embarrassed because of the mistake.

One year, a kid actually got up and got dressed and walked to school like he usually does. We couldn't reach his mom because she got a new job and hadn't given the school the number. He stayed at school the whole day sitting in the office. When 3:15 rolled around his mom was even late to pick him up.

Today there was only one little girl who came to school and she was crying in the office. I told her that she had to go home because today is the day that the teachers get the playground all to themselves. I don't know if she believed me but it made her smile.

Mrs. Bowers

There is now a Mrs. Bowers! I have been on my honeymoon in Hawaii. That is why there has been no Mr. Bowers blogging lately. I am in such a good mood from the honeymoon that the kids cannot get on my nerves enough to make me complain in my blog. Soon they will break my "Aloha Spirit" and I will be back at it.

For now just know that I am telling all of the kids about Hawaii and the wedding and they are loving it. They can't believe the pictures of Mr. Bowers standing next to a steam vent from the volcano. They love to see the pictures of Mr. Bowers snorkling with fish all around him. They laugh when I tell them what my fifth grade teacher told me, "I married my best friend." I hope they remember it!

WHY, YOU LITTLE ---DOH!!!

I was working with a group of kids on a project that required some construction paper cutting and so there were several little pieces of paper on the floor.

MR. BOWERS: All right you guys, now get down on your hands and knees and pick up all of the little pieces off the floor.
ALEX: Uhh, Mr. Bowers, I'm not really a "hands and knees" kinda guy.

My Step-dad Hates Me.

GREGORY: Mr. Bowers, my step-dad hates me.
MR. BOWERS: How do you know?
GREGORY: I don't know, I just do.
MR. BOWERS: Well have you ever asked him?
GREGORY: No.
MR. BOWERS: You need to ask him. Just don't ask him when he's watching a game. Does he watch sports?
GREGORY: All the time.
MR. BOWERS: Okay, wait until a commercial and then say, "Can I ask you a question?" --Now listen Gregory, this is going to be real hard to do, and it is going to take a whole bunch of courage--ask him, "Do you like me?" Now, you have to be prepared. He may yell at you and say, "NO--I HATE YOU!!" I don't think that will happen, but it might, so be prepared. If you ask him a serious question like that, he will see that you are a courageous person and he might gain some respect for you. Now, do you think he loves your mom?
GREGORY: Oh yeah, a lot!
MR. BOWERS: Well, I'm sure he doesn't hate you, but maybe he isn't comfortable around kids. Maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you. Just give him a chance and treat him with respect. Communication is the key. Lemme know how it turns out.

Cornholio!

If any of you remember Beavis and Butthead on MTV and remember the alter ego "Cornholio" then you can relate to what I am talking about. This week is always the craziest week in school. Halloween candy EVERYWHERE!

Today the cafeteria was so loud I took a survey:
How many of you have candy at your house right now? (Of course almost everyone raised their hand.) How many of you ate some candy this morning before you came to school? (Same response.) You can imagine how hyped the kids are at my school and it looks to continue all week.

I told them something like this: If I see any candy at school I will take it from you. You know by looking at my big belly that I love candy, so please get out your candy so that I can take it. I can smell candy right now! I see candy wrappers on the floor of the cafeteria! Please get your candy out so I can take it from you! (Of course no one took out any candy.) It will happen. I WILL GET ME SOME CANDY BEFORE THIS DAY IS OVER!!!! Hopefully it won't be yours. Thank you, enjoy the rest of your breakfast.

If I were a Garbage Man.

Sometimes when the kids are making my teaching job very difficult by not cooperating, I tell them this:

"Teaching is my JOB! Right now I am not liking my job very much. If my job was to go up and down the streets collecting the garbage cans and putting them in my truck, then it's like all of the cans are spilled. It's like all of the cans have ants on them. It's like all of the garbage cans are on fire! That's how much I am enjoying my job at this moment!"

Sometimes this calms them down and gets them to think about cooperating with me. Sometimes I have to just keep collecting the flaming garbage.

A World of Happiness :-)

You can't change the world, but you can change YOUR world! Think about this: If you do everything you can to make the people around you happy, then you will see smiling faces everywhere you look. You will create a happy world. A happy home. A happy classroom. If you are grumpy and mean to other people and don't cooperate, then you will see grumpy mean faces around you and you will be living in a grumpy world. A grumpy house. A grumpy classroom.

Tigers Eat Penguins

Elena is a second grader. This was our conversation.

ELENA: Mr. Bowers, my mom wants to know if you are rooting for the Tigers in the World Series?
MR. BOWERS: I'm sorry but I don't root for tigers because tigers eat penguins.
ELENA: Tigers don't eat penguins Mr. Bowers. Tigers don't even live in the same place as penguins!
MR. BOWERS: What? Are you kidding me? Are you telling me that if a tiger broke loose at the zoo he wouldn't go straight to the penguin habitat? Whatever! He would gobble up those penguins like Popsicles!

Then I just walk away.

WOW! WHAT MUSCLES!!!

I was teaching one of my second grade classes today and a student (Pierre) walked in late. He was angry about something and had a very sour look on his face.

Usually when this happens, I tell the kid that whatever he is mad about happened BEFORE he came to my class, so he can take off that anger like a jacket and leave it outside the classroom and I will remind him pick it back up and put it on when he leaves. Sometimes this works and the kid forget about being mad and I am able to have a productive 45 minutes with him.

In this case, before I could even talk to the kid, one of his classmates shouted out, "Pierre's MAD!" Pierre responded to this by shouting out angrily, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Instinctively, I sprang into action. I approached Pierre as if I was frightened of him. "Pierre, oh, no! What's going on? Watch out everyone! Pierre might lose it! I think he is starting to turn into the HULK! (Pierre starts to grin at my antics) Look at his muscles getting bigger! Pierre, CALM DOWN, the girls are getting scarred!" Right on cue, the girls all started huddling together. I go over to him and gently guide him to his seat. "It's OK girls, calm down, I think he has it under control. It's OK everyone He's cool now."

Luckily, Pierre took my joke well. I was able to have a productive 45 minutes after all.

Kindergarten Bully's Mom

Khalil is doing much better at school. He is still having some problems but he is trying so much harder to be nice and he even comes to see me every day. I love having him in class because of his new attitude.

Yesterday I got a surprise when I met Khalil's mom for the first time. Earlier this year I wrote her a note about her son's unacceptable behavior, so when I introduced myself, she started apologizing for him. I said to her, "Oh, Khalil is doing much better. He is trying so hard to behave in my class and he even comes to see me every morning to say, 'hello' and he tells me that he is gonna have a good day. I love his new attitude. He is one of my FAVORITE kids at this school."

Khalil's mom looked me in the eye and said, "No one has EVER said that about my son. Thank you."

Sometimes a little praise can go a long way.

Expextations

Imagine that your mom brings you a happy meal from McDonnalds. When you open the happy meal, what do you expect to find? A toy. How would you feel if there was no toy? Sad? Mad? Dissapointed? Whenever you don't do what your teacher expects you to do, you are like a happy meal with no toy.

Primal Scream

I haved this one class that drives me crazy! When they come to Drama class, they are fighting, tattling, hitting, screaming--you name it! I spend most of the 45 minutes that I have with them trying to solve the problems that they are having with each other and I can't even get through the lesson. The way my class goes is like this: I give them a lesson, and then we do a fun Drama activity that relates to the lesson.

Yesterday I was really getting frustrated with them so before I could start the lesson, I began working with them on treating each other with kindness, love, respect, sensitivity...everything I could think of. It wasn't working, they continued tattling, secretly kicking each other, hitting, talking to each other in rude voices, bothering each other--everything!

I kept getting madder and madder and I was working so hard on trying to control my temper. I was at a boiling point. I was trying to exibit a calm control over the class and it was not working. I told them in a calm reasonable voice, "Guys, listen, I have a fun activity planned for you. Calm down and listen to what I am teaching you and then we can have some fun learning."

One of the kids SHOUTS out, "We gonna play a game?!"

I totally lost it. I was looking for something to destroy. I ran out of the room into the parking lot (which is right outside my room) I threw my arms out to my side and yelled, "AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH" I felt like a lion roaring his displeasure to the whole jungle.

Amazing. I felt totally refreshed and calm. When I came back into the room, all of the kids were sitting still. Most of them had looks of shock on their faces. A couple of them were crying (the two kids in the class who actually behave).

I calmly began the lesson and was able to finish it in five minutes. The kids listened and responded like a perfect class.

Today one of the kids who was crying, Mariah, came up to me and said she was crying because she felt sorry for me. I told her that I was sorry I lost my temper and that I am constantly working on controling it. I also told her that I cried about what happened as well when I got home. I thanked her for behaving and told her to keep trying.

Today is a much better day--even though it's Friday the 13th.

All in the Same Class!

I have the best names in the whole school all in the same class this year. Check out this role call:

Fadi (pronounced "Fatty")
Aymen (Amen)
Oyinkansola (just like it looks)
Ja'urney (yeah, like "journey")
Sega (like the game)
Damya (i wish it was damn ya, but it's not.)
Mazie (i just like the name)
Haadiya (haadiya do sir?)
Opah (that's his last name)

We have some other good names in some other classes that I have discovered:

Solo
Loe (pronounced "low")
twins-Neo and Trinity (from Matrix)
Yiternatee (like Eternity, but yee-ternity)
Shaadee (like shoty)
Trejeanne (it is actually pronounced "tre-jean"
Thor
Niceforo (nee-sef-or-o)
Dijonaise (i like mine on whole wheat with ham)

Very Corny

One of my students jumped off the stairs while exiting the stage:

"Hey, if you want to jump down stairs you have to do it when your parents are around because I am not ABLE to take you to the HOSPITAL when you hurt yourself. That's because, I'm not HOSPITABLE. " -MR. BOWERS

*Sometimes teachers have to make jokes to amuse themselves.

A New Hope

I walk through the office and find little first grader, Shakur, bawling his eyes out and shouting, “I DON’T WANT TO GET A U!!!!!!” The Assistant Principal asks me to take him for a walk and get him to calm down.

I take him outside and tell him, “When I’m feeling down, I get good feelings from the Sun.” I tell him to close his eyes and put his arms out and put his face up to the Sun. He does. He stops crying. I ask him to tell me what’s wrong. He immediately starts bawling again, “I DON’T WANT TO GET A U!!!!!!”

“Why not?” I ask. He tells me through the tears, “If I get a U, my mom will take away my video game.”

I am stunned for a second, then I rip off this rant, “What? A video game? A video game? Wait a minute, what system are you runnin’? A PS2? Me too. What’s your game? Star Wars Battlefront? Man, I OWN that game! What character do you play? Darth Maul? Man, I roll with Boba Fett. I love to fly up to the rooftops. You better hope I never get to play against you, I’ll tear you up!”

At this point, I have his attention off of his current dilemma. I ask him if he ever plays as Anakin. He says, “Sometimes.” I ask him if he knows who Anakin turns into. He knew that Anakin turned into Darth Vader. I ask him why he turned. He says, “He was tricked into being a bad guy.”

We talked about how angry Anakin was when he realized what he had done. I told Shakur that when I saw him in the office, he looked like HE was turning into Darth Vader. Shakur laughed. I asked if he remembered when Luke lost his hand. I told him, “It seemed like it was the end of Luke, but he came back stronger than ever. I asked him, “If you get a U in conduct for the day, are you going to give up, or come back strong and get an E in conduce tomorrow?” He shouted, “I’ll get an E!” I took him back to the office to face his Assistant Principal.

The Force is strong with this one.

You've Got It Backwards

Kids will usually raise their hand to answer a question and then when you call on them they will reply, "Uhhh, Ummm..."

I tell them, "You have it backwards! You are raising you hand first and then thinking of an answer. The way to do it is to think first, then raise your hand when you have the answer so that when I call on you, you can shout out the answer immediatly."

stinky sounds

Today I heard someone make a stinky sound in the classroom and suspected that it might be a fake. I questioned the suspect.

"Did you make that stinky sound? (Yes) Did you make it with your mouth or your bottom? (My mouth) OK, well, that is unacceptable. Now, if you had made the stinky sound with your bottom that would have been acceptable. See, our human bodies sometimes make stinky sounds come out of our bottoms and we can't help it. It just comes out. If you make the stinky sound with your mouth, then you CHOOSE to make the sound. That's why it is unacceptable, because it disrupts the class."

"If someone next to you ever makes a stinky sound with their bottoms, the polite thing to do is to pretend that you didn't hear it and pretend (and hope!) that you didn't smell it. If you make a big deal out of the stinky sound it will embarrass the person that made it. If the stinky sound came out of YOUR bottom, wouldn't you hope that no one knew it was you who made it?"

(If only the kids knew how much I love to make stinky sounds!)

Everyone is Happier

My mom asked me how my school year has been going so far. Everyone is happier. Last year was so crazy because of Katrina. Every week new kids would show up with these dazed looks on their faces wondering how long they would stay at this school. Enevitably, they would move on out a few weeks later.

This year I was happy to see that many of the long-faced kids that came to our school because of the hurricane have stayed over the summer and are now shiny happy people! Last year there were unfortunate lables being placed on the children like, "the Katrina kids" or "the New Orleans kids". This year all the kids are with new teachers who don't care where they are from. This year they all have smiles on their faces and they are happier than I ever saw them last year.

This year I love and appreciate my job more than ever because of the changes in the faces of the kids I teach.

George

I get the feeeling that I will be talking about George a whole bunch this year. George is a forth grader--for the second time. He came to our school from New Orleans last year near the end of the school year. I think his family is still mostly in Louisianna because he goes back almost every weekend. I would describe George as a combination of Woody Woodpecker and Bugs Bunny combined. He loves to talk and loves to act silly. He gets in trouble occasionally, but in a Woody and Bugs kind of way--nothing too serious.

Every morning he walks next to me on the track and we talk about life and what's happening and stuff. The other day a couple of boys walked by us and they were wearing their cub scout uniforms. (I must mention that these particular boys were pretty small because it is relevent to the story). I said to them, "Y'all look nice in your uniforms." George asked them, "What grade y'alls in?" One of them answered that they were in forth grade. George said, "WHAT?! FORTH GRADE!? Man, y'alls some sma--" George stopped what he was saying and looked at me with wide eyes like he was in trouble.

After the two boys had got a little ways ahead of me I complimented George, "That was nice, George. You were about to tell those boys how small they were, but you caught yourself, didn't you?" "How'd you know?" he asked. I told him, "Because I was thinking the same thing." I am proud of you for catching yourself. Now, would you have caught yourself if I wasn't standing beside you?" George thought about it. "No", he finally said. At least he is honest. I told him, "Hey, you gotta start catching yourself even when I'm not around. That will keep you outta trouble."

I'm on purple continued.

Khalil's teacher just told me that his mom accidently put a paper in his folder that was meant to go to his big brothers' school. Khalil's 11 year old brother who bullies him all day long has already been suspended from his school for fighting. School has only been in session for about a week and a half. Now I can definately see where Khalil is getting it.

Watch your back!

In the morning the kids have the opportunity to walk the track. I walk the track with them to keep an eye on them. Two fourth grade boys who were walking in front of me suddenly busted out these little trucks and started racing them on the track. I told them, "WHOA! What's going on here! Give me those trucks, you can't play with those out here." Then I pulled them aside and said to them, "Guys, come on, I was standing right behind you. When you're gonna do something bad, at least have the common sense to look around and make sure nobody's watching."

I'm on purple!

MAN! This kindergartner is TOUGH!! His name is Khalil. Apparently he has an 11 year old brother who bullies him all day and now he has come to my school and is the kindergarten bully.

The first time I met him was at an assembly in the cafeteria. He had not come to my class yet in the rotation so I didn't know who he was. He was laying on the floor and I asked him to sit up. He looked at me with this crazy look like, "who do you think you are talking to?" I told him that I was a teacher at this school and again asked him to sit up. His response was, "I need a pillow."

Yesterday he finally came to my class. He had no interest in what I was teaching. He wanted to crawl under the cuirtains, tell the other kids what to do, crawl all over the room. At one point I was trying to get him to go back to his seat on the blue square and all he kept saying was, "I'm sittin' on purple." "No, I need you to sit on the blue square." "I'm sittin' on purple." "Please, move to the blue square." "I'M SITTIN ON PURPLE!"

At least he knows his colors. At least I only have to see him once every seven days. I'm gonna keep trying. I wrote a letter to his parents and they responded with an apopogy and a phone number in case I have any more problems--I hope I only have to call them with good news.

Oh, that's why.

A brand new kindergarten class is meeting me for the first time.


One Kindergartner: Why are you so short?
Another Kindergartner: It's because he's fat.

Bend that tree!

Raylon has been at my school since kindergarten and has always been the most defiant kid in his class--EVERY YEAR--kindergarten, first grade, and second grade. I have taught him Drama during that time and we have butted heads on several occasions. I always try to approach him in a positive manner. We have had conferences with his mom a couple of times. When I say "we" I mean several teachers and an administrator in a room with his mom and we discuss what's going on. He is not defiant at home so his mom is at a loss.

Today he came to Drama for the first time as a third grader and was up to his same antics. After class I asked his teacher if I could keep him for a little while to talk to him. I took him out to the front of the school where some trees were standing. There were some little ones that had just been planted and some giant ones that had been there forever. I asked him to go up to a little tree and try to bend one of the branches. He did it easily. I asked him to try to bend one of the branches on the giant tree. Of course he couldn't do it. Then I broke one of the branches off the little tree and beat the cra--no, no--just kidding--I talked to him about how you can get a tree to grow a certain direction when it's young but it's impossible to change the tree when it's old. I told him that it's hard to break habits once you are old and how he is young like the little tree and if he wants to change his behavior the time is NOW.

There was a crack in the side of the building. I asked him, "What if one of the branches grew into that crack. What would the tree do to the building when it grows big and strong?" He said it would knock down the building. I asked him, "What would the city have to do to the tree?" He said they would have to cut it down. I then told him, "It's the same with people. If an adult is acting bad, the law has to cut them down and put them in jail!"

We will see if this ten minute conversation has an impact on his school year. I know that his teacher this year is awesome and she will work his tail off. I know that every time I see him I am gonna ask him, "How are your branches growing?" However, if he doesn't shape up, I may have to take him back out to the little tree and break off a little something special for his backside!

Disclaimer: I would never beat one of my students. I would wait until they graduated.

funniest name this year--so far

2nd grader-- Justin Case

It Has Begun!

Respect. Responsibility. Concentration. Cooperation. Sensitivity.

I am teaching these words to the kids today because it is the first day of school and I think the words will help them succeed. I had a real good chance to teach sensitivity during the kindergarten class today because during the fire drill one of the boys pee'd down his leg. Welcome back (sigh).

what have i learned this summer?

I learned that people are mean to Bob Barker! I have watched The Price is Right from the time I was born and never have I been so disgusted! People can't think for themselves anymore. Bob basicly has to beg the contestants over and over to give an answer. Meanwhile, the contestants will stand there staring at the croud with their mouths wide open. How hard is it to guess the price of a can of Hormel Chilli? STOP IGNORING BOB AND GIVE HIM AN ANSWER!!!

An Email From a Former Student

If you read it like a 13 year old, it makes sense. I taught her Drama--not writing (although we did do some writing activities every now and then).

hey mr.b whats happenin me nothin i got a scholarship already they are goingto put 10,000 dollars on it every year i'm in school because my math teacherdown here in el campo nominated me and i had to write an essay and i won igot the scholar ship i'm soooooo happy one day imma come back down there andjust be in yo class one day again and help you teach i've been in so manyplays down here i'm a great actress not to brag or anything but i'm so goodthat every play i be in i make lead roll so bein in yo class that 4th gradeyear really helped me thats the first time i really started acted well igotta gostay cool shacora

Off-season Workout

I am starting my off-season workout to get ready for the upcoming school year.

1: Get down on to the floor and back up again ten times to each side every day until school starts.

2: Build up tolerance for restroom breaks. Stop going "whenever I get the need" and get used to waiting (That always gives me problems early in the school year).

3: Start talking to myself outloud to build up my vocal chords.

4: Start doing my work laundry that has been in the hamper since May.

5: Wake up earlier.

if the kids ask...

...how old I am, I just tell them, "I was born in December of 1970--you figure it out!"

...what my first name is, I just tell them, "My first name is actually Mister! My mom knew I was gonna be a teacher."

give those bullies an alarm clock!

We were talking about bullies in one of my second grade classes. I was talking with this kid who was complaining about being bullied:

KID: Kadarius keeps bothering me in class.
ME: Do you tell your teacher?
KID: She doesn't let us tattle.
ME: Have you asked Kadarius to stop bothering you?
KID: Yes, he doesn't listen?
ME: Have you told him real loud so he will listen?
KID: Yes.
ME: Are you sure? Did you tell him like this, (in my LOUDEST, POLITEST voice with a big goofy smile on my face) PLEASE DON'T DO THAT, IT BOTHERS ME!!
KID: (laughing) NO!
ME: See, that will solve two problems. One, your teacher will hear you and wonder what is going on and investigate and she will see that you were being bothered AND that you were being very polite in the way you were asking him to stop. Two, the bully won't want to bother you anymore because bothering you would be like setting off an alarm clock.

If you are really lucky and you make a goofy enough face you might make the bully laugh and he may want to become your friend. Don't be rude in the way you ask the bully to stop bothering you and try not to embarass the bully too much or he may want to beat you up after school.

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, it is finally here! I tell you right now, it feels the same as when you were a kid. I am not teaching summer school this year and I am not in the current show(Speeding Motorcycle- a colaboration with Daniel Johnston) at my theatre www.infernalbridegroom.com so I have a full two months off!!

I know some people think that teachers have it so good because they get the summer off. Here is my response to that: I get paid a 10 month salary that is spread over 12 months. I CANNOT lose my temper at school and without time away from these kids, I might turn onto the HULK. (I actually tried keeping some kids one summer to make some extra cash and had no time away from kids and when the school year started I had NO patience and I hated teaching every day.)

This summer I will be staying as far away from kids as I can. If I think of some funny stories about the past school year or get some new ideas that I want to try out on the kids I'll let you know.

top 5 things i say to get the kids quiet

1. "Raise your hand if you are talking."
2. "Raise your hand is someone next to you is talking."
3. "Shh- shh- shh- shh- shh" (like "shave and a haircut"). The kids respond "shh-shh".
4. "One, two, three--eyes on me." Kids say, "One, two-- eyes on you." (i got that one from Ms. Henry).
5 . "Put a bubble in your mouth."

but my momma said

We had a day this week where all the first graders who were wearing their school uniform would get to have a popcicle in the courtyard at the end of the day. Our uniform consists of a solid red, white or blue shirt and blue pants. The kids are not "required" to wear the uniform, only "encouraged". Occasionaly we will have days like this to help "encourage" the kids to wear the uniforms.

Anyway, Jordan came to school in a pink and white striped shirt and a white skirt. Oh, how she cried and begged to go get a popcicle.

ME: I'm sorry you can't have a popcicle, but you didn't wear your uniform.
JORDAN: But my momma didn't let me wear my uniform today.
ME: Well, you should get up and dress yourself in your uniform on days that we are giving out a treat.
JORDAN: I do dress myself, but my momma said I couldn't wear my uniform.
ME: Well, then tell your momma that you missed out on getting a treat and see if she will take you to the store to buy you a popcicle.
JORDAN: But my momma won't buy me anything.
ME: Well just get her to take you to the store and you can use your own money to buy a popcicle.
JORDAN: My momma doesn't give me any money.
ME: Well, then here's what you do: Try real hard to do good at school so that when you get older and have kids you can have a really good job and you can be an awesome parent and buy your kids whatever they want!
JORDAN: (silent)
ME: (sigh)

in the middle of the fashion show...

We had our international raffle at school last weekend and in the middle of the fashion show this third grade girl named Ronishia wanders outside to stand near the flag pole and ends up in between the two lines of kids showing off thier international clothes. There was no problem with her being in the middle, she looked just like everybodybody else--smiling at the kids and clapping her hands.

I started watching her to see what her reaction would be when she noticed that she was caught in the middle. I guess she thought it was pretty cool because all of a sudden she turned around and hugged the flag pole and said, "I LOVE THIS PLACE!"

The thing I like about this story is that Roneshia moved to our school from Louisiana because of the hurricane. Just another thing I love about my job.

makes it all worthwhile

Hailey's 2nd grade class is really tough. They have had more lessons on behavior than on Drama. Usually when they come to my class, they are already having all sorts of "drama" of their own. Fighting. Tattling. Pushing. Talking mean to each other. I spend the first 20 minutes calming them down and then end up give them a speach about the Golden Rule. I guess some of it is finally sinking in!

HAILEY: Mr. Bowers, this weekend, I was at my uncles house and we were playing in the pool and there was this tile that had come loose and we were playing with it by throwing it in the water and then diving for it. I was throwing it and I threw it too hard and it hit the side of the pool and broke."
BOWERS: Uh oh.
HAILEY: We weren't gonna tell my uncle, but then I thought about what you told us in class and then we decided to tell my uncle.
BOWERS: Did you get in trouble?
HAILEY: No! He said it was alright.
BOWERS: Were you scared when you were telling your uncle?
HAILEY: Yeah! I was real scared!
BOWERS: That took a lot of courage didn't it class? Let's give her a hand for telling the truth!
CLASS: YEAH!!