Caveman Drama

At the beginning of the year, I like to introduce Drama to children by talking about how Cavemen might have "acted out the hunt" around the fire for the people who stayed home.  That must have been the origin of Drama.  I let them group up and get them to show, "how they caught the dinosaur!"

This year, a group of 4th grade girls acted out that they were cooking up some roast beef in hopes that the smell would lure the dinosaur out of the jungle.

If dinosaur meat tastes better than roast beef, I really need a time machine!

Pocket Dictionary

So, the very first rule at our school is Show Respect.  The first week of school, I am teaching this concept to all of the children.  My discussion begins something like this:

"This is a pocket dictionary. What do you think it says as the definition of respect?"  (All kinds of answers are given and all are validated).  I then read the definition which is very simple.  To hold in esteem.  Then I look up esteem which says--to regard. I finally look up regard which basicly says to look apon with favor, or to love.  "So, children, our principal wants us to treat the things and people around us with great respect, as if they are our favorite things and people.  To respect, or at least act as if you respect everything and everyone around us."

FIRST GRADE GIRL:  We have to respect a rock!
MR. BOWERS:  Well, lets think about that...what if the rock was part of our living garden and was put around a tree for decoration?
ANOTHER FIRST GRADER:  YEAH! Like it was some ART!
THE CLASS:  Yeah, we cam respect rocks!
FIRST GRADE GIRL:  Why do people decorate their trees with rocks??

It Has Begunded

So, yesterday was the first day back with the children.  Nothing too crazy went down.  One kid said, "Your hair is new!"  I guess I had let it get pretty shaggy last year.

We talked about respect, and one of the Kinder kids said, "When you're not respectful, Jeses gets mad."

Shiva, a 1st grader, said that I could still sing the funny song I made up about his name, but that I could only do it when he came to Drama and "not in public." 

Today, I made a 4-year-old's day when I noticed her Little Mermaid lunchbox and immediatly broke into song, "I wanna be where the people are...walking around on those--what's that word--FEEEEETTT!"  She was truly amazed!

Impossible Feat

Another year, another ice cream social.  This year's discovery:  One of my former students child will be attending my class.  It doesn't seem possible, but this is my 18th year at our school.  That can't be right, I'm only 11 years old (according to my wife.)

The Quiet Signal

My quiet signal needs to be retired.  I know how to use many quiet signals, but when I get frustrated with the noise, I draw my quiet signal out of my holster like a six-shooter.  It used to work brilliantly.  It used to amaze new students.  It could silence a cafet-orium full of noisy children instantly.   My quiet signal is dead.

Here it is:  I clap out shave and a haircut...you clap out two bits, then give me your attention.

Here, at the end of the school year, they clap. "two bits," then resume talking.

Maybe I'm the one letting them down.  I'm not good enough to keep their attention.

However, If I put my lesson on a television, I can keep their attention for as long as I want!  I'm gonna have to make some commercials. 

Problems

MR. BOWERS:  Ok, First Graders, does anyone else have a problem that they wish to share?
BRAD:  My big brother keeps punching me in the WEENUS.

Mustache

I still get kids asking me about my facial hair. 

CHRIS (PreK'er)  Mr. Bowers, where is your TOP beard?
MR. BOWERS:  You mean, my MUSTACHE?
CHRIS:  Yeah!
MR. BOWERS:  It fell off.

Laugh-arting

Clara   (4th grader) made a joke then started laughing.:

JESSICA:  Clara, you're laughing at your own joke!

CLARA:  No, I'm not, I just farted.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Vivek The Wise

Vivek (3rd grader) said, "Nobody can beat GOD in a staring contest."

Nakayla Don't Steal

MR. BOWERS:  Y'all, someone stole my birthday quarters.
NAKAYLA:  Mr. Bowers, I know I didn't steal your quarters.
MR. BOWERS:  (joking) Are you sure you're not a thief?  You didn't rob any liquor stores on the way to school, did you?
NAKAYLA:  I don't even like licorice! 

Cry for Me

I have had so many kids crying for me in the last two days.  One was crying because she has to wear a little heart monitor on her belt for a few days.  Another was crying because she strepped on a kids finger and felt so bad about it, she started bawling--even though the kid who got her finger stepped on didn't even cry.  The final one cried because she didn't understand how to play the game we were playing.  Geez!  Do other people have to console cryers  everyday at their jobs? 

The Topic of Divorce

For the 5th grade puppet activity, the kids had to draw on conversations that they were involved in or had listened to in the past.  They could recreate arguments, times they were in trouble or even funny conversations.  

One of the kids volunteered that he always has to listen to his parents yelling at each other and how he hates it when that happens.   Then he said that his parents are divorced and they argue every time they see each other.

Of course, many hands went up in the air to tell me stories, because of so many kids have been involved in divorce.

By the time it got to be my turn to speak on the subject, here's what came out of my mouth:

Well, my parents got divorced and they hardly ever saw each other again--but then at my wedding THEY HAD TO SIT RIGHT THERE NEXT TO EACH OTHER  IN THE CHURCH!!! Don't you worry, you'll get the last laugh at your parents.  When you're like 35 years old, and you start having kids, they'll be right there together in the hospital saying, "Awww! Now we're grandparents, I guess we have to get along!"

They loved it.

3 More Changes

Today, I was doing the three changes game with a different kindergarden class.  Layth made the change of putting up the hoodie on his jacket.  Sophia raised her hand to guess:

SOPHIA:  I know, he put on his COAT HAT!

Dash

Dash is a very special first grader who sometimes says the strangest things.  One of his classmates was asking me about a child on our campus who has Autism.  Dash provided his thought on why the Autistic child walked and acted differently that himself.

DASH:  Mr. Bowers, you know Transformers?  He's a Decepticon! 

3 Changes

With the kindergarteners I was doing an observation activity where two people look at each other for a bit, then both players turn their backs to each other and make three changes in their appearance.  Then they turn around and try to discover the changes.   I was first to demonstrate how to play:

MR. BOWERS:  OK, now, you turn your back while I make my 3 changes.
KIAN:  I hope he doesn't take off his pants!

Happens at Least 5 Times a Day

STUDENT:  Mr. Bowers, he did "this" to me.
MR. BOWERS:  Do you know why he did "that" to you?
STUDENT:  No.
MR. BOWERS:  Let's go ask him.

STUDENT:  Student2, why did you do "that" to me?
STUDENT2:  Because you did "this" to me.
STUDENT:  Yeah, because you did "THIS" to ME!!
MR. BOWERS:  Student2, did you do "that" to him?
STUDENT2:  Yes sir. :(
MR. BOWERS:  Well, what would have been a better choice than doing "that?"
STUDENT2:  Probably, "this."
MR. BOWERS:  And YOU, Student!  When he did "that," what would have been a better way for you to respond?
STUDENT:  I could have said, "this."
MR. BOWERS:  Ok, now both of you apologize.  Then, you may give each other a HUG! --or a handshake.

Why Jesus Hates Math

Lydia, a second grader, has something to share with the class:

MR. BOWERS:  Yes, Lydia, what would you like to say?
LYDIA:  My mom said she is gonna buy me some new earrings, and one is gonna be the "plus sign" for God!

Out of Nowhere

We were doing some open ended scenes with the 5th grade today.  They had to make choices and then act out the scene to see if their choices fit.  Two boys did their scene, and it was pretty obvious to me that it was about hiding out from the police after a bank robbery because one of the boys was acting injured and they were looking real suspicious.  After the scene, I questioned the class:

MR. BOWERS:  Ok, what do you think their scene was about?
BRANDON:  The Womens Civil Rights Movement?
THE WHOLE CLASS:  WHAT?????

Best Valentine Ever

I get so many Valentines from the kids and they are usually just the store bought cards with the kids name on it and sometimes it doesn't even have MY name on it!  Well, this year, I got one that had a note attached to the inside that really made me feel special:

Dear Mr. Bowers,

Thank you for being so nice to me.  You encourage me to sing and act better.  You make my days a blast!  You make me feel confident and strong.  Keep on teaching!  I appreciate all your help.

-Angie

There was also some candy attached.  BONUS! 
 

Polite, Yet Stinky

Trying to have 4th grade Drama today...

MR. BOWERS:  Diesen!  Why are you crawling across the floor?
DIESEN:  I'm getting away from Hayden, he FARTED!
MR. BOWERS:  Diesen!  Do you think Hayden wanted everyone to know that he did that?
CARLA:  Mr. Bowers, Hayden told me that he farted.
ALISON:  Yeah, he always tells us when he farts.
MR. BOWERS:  Hayden, why do you feel the need to tell people when you pass gas?
HAYDEN:  I just like to give everyone a "heads up."

Second Job?

MRS. POLK (The Art Teacher):  Oh, Richard, you're here early, where's the rest of your class?
RICHARD (Bilingual 3rd grader):  I got to go early...our regular teacher isn't here, so we have a prostitute.

Just Doin' My Job

Letter from a parent:

So I pick Sarah up yesterday and as she's getting into the car, she's so excited she can hardly speak straight..."Mommy, Mr. Bowers pulled a quarter out of my ear today for my birthday! I watched him real close and I don't know how he did it. He knows real magic!". Forget I drove to the donut store at 6:15 am for a chocolate donut with pink sprinkles, brought her a Happy Meal to school for lunch, lugged 24 melting cookie ice cream sandwiches to the school cafeteria in a cooler for her class to celebrate...the best part of her birthday day was having Mr. Bowers pull a quarter out of her ear. You rock, Mr. Bowers!

My response:

Maybe next time you'll bring twenty FIVE cookie ice cream sandwiches.

The Sto

MR. BOWERS:  Awww, I love those shoes, where did you get them?

DAGEN (KINDERGARTNER): At the sto.

MR. BOWERS:  Which store?

DAGEN:  Huh???

Sto--kindergarten definition:  The place where I get stuff like toys and candy--essentials.  I don't have to know one sto from another, they're all the same to me--I don't even have to know my way around the sto, I get to ride in a basket.

Maury Much?

Osa is a child with Autism so sometimes he says very random things or repeats things he heard earlier.  Yesterday, he cracked me up:

OSA:  You are NOT the father!

Mind Gardeners

MR. BOWERS:  Your teacher works for YOU.  You know that right?  You and your family pay taxes and those taxes are used to pay firefighters, teachers, policemen....so, what if you hired a gardener to work for you to build a nice flower bed outside your front door, so you could smell the wonderful flowers whenever you walked outside.  Then, when the gardener is out there building the garden, you SPRAY HIM WITH THE WATER HOSE!  Then, when he's planting the flowers, you RELEASE A HIVE OF BEES!  Would he want to do a good job working for you?

CLASS:  Noooo.

MR. BOWERS:  He's gonna finish that job as fast as possible and move on to the next job.  He's not going to want to do a good job for you! 
Well, your teacher is like the gardener of your mind, and she's WORKING ON YOU!  Every day!  Don't bother her with all this tattling, talking too much and bothering each other...and...don't spray her with water and release bees on her.

CLASS:  Okaaaaaaay.

Caroline is Blond BTW

--WEDNESDAY MORNING--

(Caroline, 4th grade safety patrol,  is wearing fashionable jeans with fashionable torn knees.)

MR. BOWERS: Hey, you should wear those jeans to church.
CAROLINE: Why?
MR. BOWERS:  Because they're "holy."
CAROLINE:  Hahahahaha.

--THURSDAY MORNING--

(enter ERIN, wearing fashionably torn jean jacket)

MR. BOWERS:  Hey, Caroline, Erin should wear that jacket to church, huh?
CAROLINE:  Uhh, yeah, because it's torn and she could donate it.
ERIN:  ?
MR. BOWERS:  (sigh.)

Get it Right

Overheard this in the cafeteria today:

3RD GRADE GIRL:  Nuh-uh, he doesn't...he don't do that!

Blend In

We were watching The Nutcracker with the 5th graders today.

FREDDIE:  I don't like this, this is dumb.
MR. BOWERS:  Freddie, aren't you going to be RICH when you grow up?
FREDDIE:  Yes.
MR. BOWERS:  Well, rich people like watching Ballet, so you better start enjoying it.

Lost From Words

Today, we are doing our annual production of  YO LEONARDO, which is a musical celebrating famous artists, so I decided to wear a beret to go along with my curly mustache:

TAMIA:  Mr. Bowers!  You look like, uhh, one of those people who wear that kind of hat...and, uhh, can draw real good!

MR. BOWERS:  You mean, an ARTIST?

TAMIA:  YEAH!!

MR. BOWERS:  Thank you. 

XAVITOR

Xavior is a PreK'er this year and we call him Xavitor because on the first day of school, his name tag was kinda hard to read and the "I" looked like a "T", and well, we do have kids with strange names, so it just stuck.

Today, he was in computer class and I was in there helping out the copmuter teacher.  Xavitor was playing a game where his cheetah was racing other cheetahs.  He was running into the other cheetahs and making them crash into the rocks:

XAVITOR:  Yeah!  Take that, SUCKER!  Yeah SUCKER, I beat you!
MR. BOWERS:  Xavitor, why are you calling those cheetahs suckers?  You should call them Lollipops instead. 
XAVITOR:  Take that, LOLLIPOP!  Yeah, LOLLIPOP, I beat you!

Today I Shaved My Beard

I guess it made my face look smaller to a kindergartener:

Mr. Bowers, did you find some exercise?

Get After It.

Darius is in 5th grade and does not take school seriously.  His parents are hearing impaired, so my attempt to talk to them at a school function failed.  I had a chance to strike up a conversation with him and hopefully I got him to think.  


MR. BOWERS:  What do you want to be when you grow up?
DARIUS:  A football player.
MR. BOWERS:  Me, too, but I'm too short.  However, a small, fast kid like you could make it to the NFL.  Where does the NFL get their players?
DARIUS:  College.
MR. BOWERS:  And where do colleges get their players?
DARIUS:  High School.
MR. BOWERS:  And so on, right?   Have you heard of,  "No pass, no play?" If you don't pass your classes, you can't play on the team.
DARIUS:  Oh.
MR. BOWERS:  Think about Beyonce, she's from Houston, just like you.  What do you think she was doing when she was a kid?  Don't you think she was taking dance classes?  Some singing lessons?  Practicing?  How do you think she was doing in school?  I'll bet she took it seriously.  Do you play football now?
DARIUS:  Yes.
MR. BOWERS:  Then you're on the right path.  Don't let your your path get blocked because of your grades.

Oh, That's What it Means

KARIS (KINDERGARTNER):  Mr. Bowers, if you hair is white and your beard is white and it's long and smooth...that means you're a WIZARD.

Uh-Pose-Able

Mississippi is the nickname for a new kid at our school who is from Mississippi and has a THICK Mississippi accent. The Music Teacher and I were talking to the kids about artists and how many of them choose to use the human body as their muse.

MUSIC TEACHER:  You know, when you think about it, humans are pretty amazing creatures.
MISSISSIPPI:  We got THUMBS!

Scared

MR. BOWERS:  Kindergartners, what do you do when you get scared?
YOUSEF:  I hide out under my bed!
PARKER:  I think about unicorns...and princesses coming to save me.

...and then there's this:

JONAH:  I'll just get my mom to get me a lightning sword with an axe on it.

EWWWWW!

Ok, two gross things have happened this week at my JOB.

1.  One of the 2nd graders left a used band-aid inside one of the puppets.
2.  One of the Pre-k'ers decided it was a good idea to poop on the sidewalk, and some other random kid accidentally stepped in it and left a poo trail.

I love my job!

Unintentional Cursing

MR. BOWERS:  Jacoby...? Jacoby...? Is Jacoby here?
KINDERGARTENER:  No, he's ass-bent.

Chinny-chin-chin

I have been growing a beard for four months now, and I am starting to get some interesting things said to me by the kids:

Kindergarten:  You look like a Beard.
1st Grade:  Is that a real mustache?
2nd Grade:  Did you grow a beard?
3rd Grade:  Hey, Santa.
4th Grade:  Do you use conditioner in your beard?
5th Grade:  When did you grow a beard?

Chug-a-lug.

(Mr. Bowers enters his room of First Grade Drama Students  and quickly downs a bottled water.)

HAWA:  Why you drinkin' so much water?
MR. BOWERS:  I'm trying to lose weight and water is good for you.
HAWA:  Milk will help you lose weight.
MR. BOWERS:  Milk is good for you, but if you drink too much of it, you'll get fat.
HAWA:  My mom drinks skinny milk.

English as a Second Language 2

Many of our students have English as a second language and that leads to some great moments...like this one:

ISHAN:  Mr. Bowers, I went to Sonic and I got to have a HOG DOG.

Kinder Quote

KIAN:  Mr. Bowers, vultures eat dead food.

Funnier Now

MR. BOWERS:  Saanvi, I like you much better as a 2nd grader, last year you never laughed at my jokes.
SAANVI:  Those jokes weren't funny.

Kindergarten Shovel

MR. BOWERS:  Kindergartners, what is the name of this object?
RASHAAD:  A spoon!
MR. BOWERS:  No, it's something you dig with.
RASHAAD:  A DIRT spoon!

Generation 2000

I have a picture in my room from my first play that I did in College.  One of the 2nd graders asked me about the picture today:

LISA:  Why are you dressed like a pirate in that picture?
MR. BOWERS:  Oh, that is from when I was in college, see, it even has the year on it, "1989."
LISA:  NINETEEN?!?!?!?!?!

Future Student

MRS. PARK:  Mr. Bowers,  I need to take Ziara to the office, she's leaving, her mom is about to have the baby.
MR. BOWERS:  Ok, hurry up Ziara and go with Mrs. Park.

(they leave...a few seconds later, they return)

ZIARA:  Mr. Bowers, can I have a sticker to give to my new brother?

Or Taste Buds

Jade in First grade said, "When you eat something, you taste it with your tasty bumps."

Home Work

JACOB:  Mr. Bowers, I was in the newspaper this summer.
MR. BOWERS:  That's great!  Why were you in the paper?
JACOB:  Because my mom came home from Iraq.
MR. BOWERS:  Cool, is she still home?
JACOB:  No, she's at work.

Quarter Pocket

I try to have a quarter in my pocket every day in case there is a kid with a birthday.  Well, the other day as I was doing laundry, I saw the proof of that! 

Not Born Yesterday

DANIELLA (2nd grade):  Ohh, you can't fool me, don't you know I was born tomorrow!

Dream On

Nelson is looking at a picture of my friend, Alan:

NELSON:  Mr. Bowers, your friend looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin.
FREDDY:  Aww, I wanna look like Stone Cold Steve Austin.