These Crazy Kindergarteners!

Man! These little guys really crack me up! I call role to help me learn their names and sometimes a kid will correct me when I call their first and last name by saying their whole name--first, middle and last. Usually, I write it down and call them by all three names for their entire tenure at my school--preK all the way to 5th.

Today, I was calling role and it went down something like this (I'm changing the kids first and last name to protect his identity--but the middle name is real):

MR. BOWERS: Jonathan Tatum.
JONATHAN: Jonathan O'NEIL Tatum!
MR. BOWERS: Did you say, "Jonathan Neil?"
JONATHAN: Jonathan O! Neil.
SOME OTHER KINDERGARTENER: Jonathan OATMEAL???
REST OF THE KINDERGARTENERS: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
MR. BOWERS: (sigh.)

Muy Bien

Today, I was using the puppets with the Kindergarteners--some of them speak English as a second language:

MR. BOWERS: Maritza, do you want a turn?

MARITZA: No, gracias.

MR. BOWERS: But, this puppet speaks spanish!

MARITZA: OK.

Those Kindergarteners do Grow Up

I got a nice email today:

Mr. Bowers,

You most likely will not remember me. I took drama at your school whilst a kindergartener in 1997. I only have a few memories while in kindergarten and some of them contain my time in your classroom. If i remember correctly you were a cheerful teacher with a portable as a room. Thanks for being a awesome drama teacher and keep it up.

I'm 18 years old now. I'm studying pre-pharmacy at the University of Houston and doing great. I contacted you because i believe teachers have a lot to do with the personal growth of a human. My morals and support system could have been greatly influenced by any teacher during my childhood developmental phase. Due to this, i feel it is my obligation to thank you. I am pretty successful in regards to a 18 year old college student. The teachers throughout my life have had significant influence on my success so you have my infinite gratitude. By the way i thought your name was mr. bowser due to playing too much mario.

-Shipapul

Sadly, I was once addicted to Mario Kart on the N64 system. I know what he's going through. I still have a portable as a room. They call it a "temporary building" but there ain't nothing "temporary" about it--it's been here for 20 years! Ahh, life in the trailer park.

Secret Kindergarten Puppy

What a day. Yesterday, one of our kindergarteners brought this puppy to school and kept it in his backpack all day. The puppy was discovered after school. The parents were called and they came to "retrieve" the shivering one-month old. The kid kept the puppy a secret almost till the end of the day, when he told another kid in a different class about it, and that kid told his teacher.

English as a Second Language

OMAR: Mr. Bowers, my little sister, Jana, can't find her class.
MR. BOWERS: Jana, who is your teacher?
JANA: ??
MR. BOWERS: WHO-IS-YOUR-TEACHER?
JANA: ??
OMAR: She doesn't speak English, Mr. Bowers.
MR. BOWERS: Ahhh. Cual es el nombre de tu maestra?
JANA: ??
OMAR: No! she speaks Arabic, like me.
MR. BOWERS: ??

Golden Rule

MR. BOWERS: Ok, class, what is "The Golden Rule?"...Yes, D'mitri?
D'MITRI: Always be kind to Jesus.

Close Your Eyes

I want you to imagine that you are older--way older--and you are looking in the mirror. You see your face and it looks older, and you kinda look like your mom or dad.

Now imagine that you look on the floor next to you and there is a kid looking up at you, who really looks a lot like you! Imagine that you tell the kid, "Ok, it's time to go to bed." The kid gets all grumpy looking and says, "NO! I don't want to go to bed!" You tell him, "NOW!" and he stomps to his room and you follow him and see that the room is a total mess—toys everywhere and potato chips all over the bed!

Now, rewind it--you are still looking in the mirror and you look down at the kid and say, "Ok, it's time to go to bed." and the kid jumps up and skips off happily to their room and you follow. When you get to the room, it is immaculate--all the toys are put away and everything looks perfect--but you can't find the kid! Finally you look at the bed and the kid is all under the covers except the face, which is smiling so sweet!


Now--OPEN YOUR EYES!

Remember that first kid? Would you want to do extra stuff for that kid who is so GRUMPY? How about the second kid? Wouldn't you want to treat that one extra special for being so sweet and cooperative?

Well, someday, you may be a parent, but right now you are the KID! You are THE APPLE OF YOUR PARENTS EYES! You are the one that your parents imagined having!

Are you giving your parents and teachers the respect and cooperation that you would want to get if you were a parent or teacher?

Sure She Did

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Stephanie. How is your rabbit?
STEPHANIE: He went back home--MY MOM LEFT HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE!!!

Meant to Silence That

MR. BOWERS: Ok, everyone quiet down...stop talking.
MR. BOWERS' POCKET: New voicemail.
MR. BOWERS: I said, "No talking!"

Or Not

Today I was giving the 2nd graders a new way to control their anger:

MR. BOWERS: Let's say that your brother is making you mad by switching the TV channel while you are watching your favorite show. You can always get rid of your anger by doing what I like to call the, "Hulk Smash" on your bed. It will get rid of your anger and you won't hurt anything because your bed is so soft!

LAKIFA: Or you can just go up to your brother and say, "YOU BETTER STOP CHANGING THE CHANNELS OR I'M GONNA JACK YOU UP!!!"

Dancin' in the Seats

I was talking to the 4th graders about audience behavior:

MR. BOWERS: If you are at a concert, you might see the audience dancing in their seats, but would you see that in a Movie Theater audience?
C.J.: I saw a guy dancing in his seat, but I think he was a hippie.

Flash Dance Fan?

So, it's pretty hot here in Houston right now and I get real sweaty in the morning while on Duty. Ella is a 2nd grader.

ELLA: WOW! You look like you just poured water on yourself like you were on a Dance Crew!
MR. BOWERS: Huh?
ELLA: Yeah, like in the 80's!

Or a Needle.

I was trying to explain what "thread" is to the kindergarteners on the first day of school:

MR. BOWERS: If you look inside your buttons on your shirt, you will see a tiny string. That is "thread" and they use it to SEW buttons on shirts.
NISHTA: But you has to use a NOODLE.

Another Trip Around the Sun

Any time a kid turns 10 years old, I say the same thing, "Enjoy this year, it's the last time you can use just your fingers to tell your age. Next year you'll have to hold up 10 fingers and one toe."

Finally Missed School

As you may know, it's SUMMER!!! I haven't seen a kid in months! Today, I was taking my wife's weight lifting class at the Downtown Y and some of the kid campers were walking by and one of the kids started posing in the window and showing off his muscles. HILARIOUS! It made me get a little excited to go back to work--kinda.

When people ask me when we start back at school, I tell them, "I go back when they call me and say, 'Where were you yesterday?'"

The teachers go back one week before the kids do--I refer to that week as the "week of sobriety."

Summer is almost over.

Shut Up

Whenever I hear a kid tell another kid to,"shut up," I try to reason with them:

I would get fired if I went around telling kids to, "shut up." If I can't say it, you FOR SURE can't say it.

If I hear a kid cursing, I ask them if they want to tell the curse word to their grandma over the phone. Usually, they decline. I tell them to only use words that they would use if their grandma was at school with them.

With a 13 month old...

...there are two modes:

Preventative maintenance.

or

Clean up.


My nieces' kid.

Middle School Advice

I always try to give the 5th graders some last minute advice before shipping them off to Middle School:

If you hang out with dogs, you may might get some fleas. Choose your friends wisely.

Peaceful Waves

I want to share this poem remembering the tsunami in Japan. It was written by a former student, Hadlea, who is going into 9th grade.


Peaceful Waves


The peaceful waves, they softly crash,
Who knew that they were yet to lash?
Upon the village, upon the shore,
Upon the sleeping city no more.
The giant tsunami with its wave of bricks,
Extinguishing all their candlewicks.
The daughters, delinquents and dads ran about,
Screaming aloud but who was to hear their shout?
No one, however, for they were all gone,
Awaiting the pearl gates at early dawn.
Although sadness fills the air,
And for many, sadness they cannot bear.
Poisonous fluids, gasses and more,
Flood their homes and businesses, straight to the core.
Just one candle, lit by their king,
Could blow their cities, villages, and everything.
Their homes, families and children live in fear,
For another quake that may be near.
Natural disasters happen again and again,
But the greatest help is from the volunteer men.
Hurricanes, tsunamis and much, much more,
Always affect those closest to the shore.
The peaceful waves, they softly crash,
Who knew that they were yet to lash.

Polite Pirate

With 2nd grade, I was playing a Drama game called "Through the Door" where one person is the director and they ask for a character to come through the door. Which ever kid is next in line has to walk through the door and say something as that character:

ZOE: Bring out the PIRATE!
ANNABELLE: Arr. I'm asking people to go on the plank.

From Mrs. Farley

STUDENT: Mrs. Farley, you are like our mother, we spend all day with you!
ANOTHER STUDENT: Great! Now Mrs. Farley has 24 unwanted children.

Oops.

MR. BOWERS: I just gave the quiet sign! Raise your hand if you didn't hear it!


At this point, Paul raises his hand. I forgot that Paul is a hearing impaired lip reader.

Snow Cone Win

We had 2nd and 3rd Grade Field Day today:

FORRIS: I want another snow cone!!!
MR. BOWERS: Sorry, you only get one--but when you grow up and get a job, you can buy your own snow cone machine and have a many as you want.
DESTINY: My dad has a snow cone machine, and it serves ALCOHOL flavored snow cones!


mmm. I bet they're green.

Reached The End of Her Rope

Our walls are pretty thin at our school and sometimes you can hear what's happening in the classrooms as you walk past:

2ND GRADE TEACHER: I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER THING ABOUT FAT MAMMAS!!!

Secrets

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Desmond (1st grade) did your dad tell you that I am friends with him on Facebook?
DESMOND: No, but my dad always be keepin' secrets.

Monday Morning Blues

I walked into the school this wonderful Monday morning and found a 1st grader BAWLING!

MR. BOWERS: Marcus! What's the matter?
MARCUS: I left my Pokemon book at my dad's house! WAAAA!!!
MR. BOWERS: Hey! It's ok, at least you didn't lose the book! Think how sad you would be if you LOST your book!
MARCUS: WAAAA!!!
MR. BOWERS: Heeey, don't worry, you can get it back from your dad, when will you see him again?
MARCUS: I don't know, he drives a boat.

Bathroom Humor

I was walking past the restroom and heard some commotion. As I entered, I saw two 3rd graders both standing in the stall looking into the toilet. I quietly walked up behind them to see what they were looking at when I heard this discussion:

DEVIN: See, those brown marks in the toilet? They are make from dookie.
AARON: Yeah, it's dookie.
MR. BOWERS: I THINK IT IS DOOKIE, YOU'RE RIGHT!!!

They just about jumped out of their skin.

Not Impressed

I had to cover a 3rd Grade class for a minute while their teacher was away. I had a book in my hand, "Alice in Wonderland" and it had all of the other stories and poems that Carrol wrote, so it has about 1,600 pages--a really BIG book.

I asked the kids if they wanted to hear some of it. I opened to where my bookmark was and started to read. Not two seconds in to my reading--complete with English accent--Scarlett raises her hand:

SCARLETT: What page are you actually on?
MR. BOWERS: 35.
SCARLETT: Oh. :(
(pause)
MR. BOWERS: HEY! I JUST GOT THE BOOK THE OTHER DAY!

Let's Pretend

Here's a way to get through a lesson with a tough group youngsters:

Let's pretend that all of you are perfect students--and I'll pretend that I'm a perfect teacher! Ready, GO!

Caleb has been having problems with biting other PreK'ers:

MR. BOWERS: Why did you bite him?
CALEB: He was being rude to me by touching my desk.
MR. BOWERS: Is that a good reason to bite someone? Listen, people don't bite each other, that's what animals do.

(ANOTHER TEACHER walks up.)

MR. BOWERS: Caleb bit ANOTHER kid.
ANOTHER TEACHER: Caleb! That's nasty! I talked to you about germs--you can get sick biting other kids!

(A DIFFERENT TEACHER walks up.)

MR. BOWERS: Caleb bit ANOTHER kid.
A DIFFERENT TEACHER: That's it! Mr. Bowers, wipe off Caleb's arm. Caleb give me your arm, I'm gonna bite you and let you see how it feels!


I like how A DIFFERENT TEACHER asked me to wipe off his arm. She must have heard ANOTHER TEACHER giving him the business from down the hall. Too bad she didn't hear me just telling him that people don't bite each other. They do. I forgot.

PreK Antics

The Coach and I played this awesomely mindless color game with about 30 PreKers today to work on their color skills. You tell them to go and find something in the room of a certain color and touch it. ex. Boys! Touch something red! Girls, count 'em down...10...9...8... I found that if you count down slowly, the kids won't run.

It was great!

Try it yourself at home or in the office! Go! Touch something GREEN!

What The Nun Said

Several of our 5th graders didn't get to go to camp for one reason or another (most because they were responsible for younger siblings after school) and one in particular was sitting in the library eating by herself. I ran into her as I was heading to wash out my dish.

HER: My so called friends don't want to eat with me.
MR. BOWERS: Well, some of your friends are at camp.
HER: I don't have any friends.
MR. BOWERS: You know what, the best way to get a friend is to be a friend. You know what a nun told me when I was a kid?
HER: What's a nun?

(a few minutes later)

MR. BOWERS: Anyway, a nun told me that the way to get friends is to be nice, treat people with respect and don't hit people and don't bother people and instead of arguing all the time, just be nice. Or something like that. Anyway...you may not find great friends until next year in middle school or in high school or even college...but remember where your path is taking you--to college.

She nodded and went back to her meal. With her friends. :(

But only because I had already eaten. :)

Our FAVORITE PreK'er

I was talking to Caleb's teacher to find out if anything crazy had happened with him lately and she droped off this gem:

Caleb had tried to cut his own hair. She asked him why he had done it. He said, "I only wanted to be a barber."

Then the computer teacher told me about the time he was upset in the lab.

CALEB: We need to arrest that table because it hit me in the testicles!

Former Student

I was at an event called "Apartment Outreach" where teachers and volunteers from our school visit apartment complexes for a night of fun and education. We get to meet parents and see current and former students. I ran into Pigeon--that's his last name, he is in 5th grade, but goes to a different school down the street.

PIGEON: If I was at y'alls school, I would be the fastest kid there.
MR. BOWERS: Well, Donovan here is pretty fast, and he's in 5th grade.
DONAVAN: I'm second fastest in the school.
MR. BOWERS: OK, Donovan, you can race Pigeon.
DONOVAN: Nah, I don't feel like it.
MR. BOWERS: OK...well...Pigeon, you just go run around, and we'll tell you if you're the fastest.
PIGEON: Get outta here!

Milli Vanilli

MR. BOWERS: Y'all, the show is coming up soon, if you don't know the words to the songs by now, you better learn to lip sync.
JESS: Yeah, last year at my other school, they wanted us to sing some childish song, so I just lip sync'ed it.

I Asked for the News, Not the Weather!

Today, as I was talking to the class, I apparently spat on the kids in the front row:

TREVOR: Ugh! You spitted on me!
JOHN PAUL: Wow! It's like the splash zone at Sea World in here.

From Across the Room I Hear...

AZIZA: I'M URANUS!

I look over and she's holding the Uranus costume from "School House Rock."


Imagine my surprise.

Cookie Monster

Let me preface this by telling you that my mom says my first words as a baby were, "I wanna cookie."

I have to supervise some of the kids during dismissal. I told Gabriel that if he didn't keep up with his backpack, I was going to eat his cookies that he had just showed me. Within a few minutes he was over playing by the tree--without his backpack, so I proceeded to eat one of his cookies. HE GOT SO MAD!!! "I'M GONNA TELL MY MAMA ON YOU!!!"

I decided that it would be best if I told his mom first, so she wouldn't think I was totally crazy. She offered me ANOTHER one of his cookies and told Gabriel to keep up with his backpack in the future.

I love reasonable parents.

New Jordan's

It seems like every time I have this preK'er, he's crackin' me up:

MR. BOWERS: Caleb, I like your new shoes, those are Jordan's aren't they?
CALEB: Nuh-uh, they're mine! They cost 99 BUCKS!

New Student Audition

We were having some 3RD grade auditions for one of our musicals. Jada is a new student.



MR. BOWERS: Jada, do you want to audition?
JADA: I don't think so.
MUSIC TEACHER: Were you in choir at your old school?
JADA: Yes.
MUSIC TEACHER: Well, you should audition.
JADA: No, I'm ok.
MR. BOWERS: Who do you live with?
JADA: My Auntie.
MR. BOWERS: What would she tell you to do if she were here--just sit there? Or, get up and audition?
JADA: Get up and audition.
MUSIC TEACHER: Well, then, let's go!


Jada came up and quietly sang for us.

MUSIC TEACHER: Jada, first of all, you hit every single note. Now go ahead and sing out and have confidence!

The next day, we got this letter from Jada:

I LIKE DRAMA AND MUSIC ROOM

Why I like Drama and Music room is because you get to sing and it's my favorite because I always sing and sometimes my aunt tell me to stop singing. I love plays. It's just that I’m very proud that I tried out for because a great man and a great woman said that I can do it and I believed in my self and I did so I know that I should try. YOU ARE GREAT PEOPLES!

From,
Jada

Fictional Cutting.

Today I was making a video of kids pretending to go on a field trip.

MR. BOWERS: OK, so, I need you guys to line up for this shot like we're going on a field trip, you don't need to get in any order because this is not a real line, we're not really going anywhere...
DEDRICK: HE CUT!!
MR. BOWERS: (sigh.)

Where Do You Live?

Sometimes the kindergarteners come up to me and say the most random things:

GABRIEL: Mr. Bowers, yesterday, at my mom's house in my dad's hotel, I learned to beat-box!

More PreK Caleb

This kid is FOUR!!! Unbelievable.


MR. BOWERS: Caleb, stay in your seat, I would hate to have to call your mother.
CALEB: Mothers are ridiculous!
MR. BOWERS: Even YOUR mother?
CALEB: Not my mother.
MR. BOWERS: You know what, I may have to call your mother.
CALEB: I know you wouldn't call my mother and tell her that I said she was ridiculous, I thought you were nice.

Maybe for your parents!

MR. BOWERS: There are stories all around us. In reality, we each have our own stories that we live every day. You know, you are all a big part of your parents' story--and your parents story goes way back before you were born. Your parents stories were going on for twenty or thirty years before you came along--
ANDREW: --and RUINED the story!!

Random 1st Grader

AINSLEY: Mr. Bowers, last night I went to the rodeo to see the Rascal Flat and I lost a tooth.
MR. BOWERS: How much did the Tooth Fairy give you.
AINSLEY: One dollar and 40 cents*!



*Her sister told me that she actually got one dollar--but it was 4 quarters--I can see the confusion :)

4th Grade John Paul

John Paul is now a 4th grader. Today, I saw him with a big stack of "starbucks." A starbuck is a kind of reward thing that we do at our school:

MR. BOWERS: John Paul, are you stealing Starbucks?
JOHN PAUL: No, Mr. Bowers, that would be un-patriotic.

PreK Logic

Today we were in the music room and Caleb (preK) was edging over near the drums.

MR. BOWERS: Caleb, what are you doing over there? Come back over here and sit with the class.
CALEB: But, I wanted to show y'all how those drums sound.
MUSIC TEACHER: We already know how they sound.
CALEB: But I don't.

5th Grade Science FAIL

Today there was a little friut fly stuck in Patrick's hair. His 5th grade friend Juan was trying to let him know:

JUAN: Hey, Patrick, there is a little animal in your hair.

I Made up a Star Wars Joke

Q: What time does R2D2 get out of school?








A: C3PM

Too Much TV?

LIBRARIAN: So, over the course of his lifetime, George Washington owned 36 dogs.
SOFIE: OH MY GOSH--HE'S A HOARDER!!