Way Too Little

Today, I was helping a preK class get their drink from the water fountains:

MR. BOWERS:  Ok, y'all, some of y'all are taking waaaay too long! Get you a drink and move on, don't sit there and drink up all the water!

(The next kid in line must have JUST turned four, because her little arms and fingers couldn't even push the button hard enough to get any water out!)

TALEAH:  Oh, someone must have drinked all this one.

That's All?

One of the preK'ers was really studying my new watch--which is just the basic two hands and numbers kind of watch--nothing special. After a little bit, the curiosity finally took over. He blurts out, "What does your watch do?"

A Cucumber, Maybe?

I was talking about being proactive with the 1st Graders:

MR. BOWERS: Ok, so what else will we need for a beach trip? What can we put over our eyes to help block the sun?
SEBASTIAN:  A PICKLE!!!
MR. BOWERS:  ???
SEBASTIAN: Because pickles are cold!

Politics Ain't my Thang

AUBRIE (1st Grade girl):  Mr. Bowers, have you heard of Donald Trump?
MR. BOWER: Yes, I know who he is.
AUBRIE:  He wants to get rid of all the Mexicans, and I AM A MEXICAN!!
MR. BOWERS: He can't get rid of you, I WON'T LET HIM!!!

In Case of Storm...

Last week, there was a huge storm brewing outside and the thunder was super LOUD!  I thought I could head off any problems by calmly talking to my frightened kindergartners:

MR. BOWERS:  Heeeey, y'all, we're inside!  We're safe from the storm.  In fact, pretty much the only thing that could happen is that the lights may go out; you know, we may lose power.  If the lights go out, just stay calm and I will open the door and let more light in.  In fact, we can practice!  I am going to walk over and turn out the lights and we can see what it will look like if we lose power!  Then, if we lose electricity there will be nothing to be afraid of!

(Mr. Bowers calmly goes over and switches off the lights.)

KINDER CLASS:  AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kinder Talk

TYSON:  Mr. Bowers, last night I got to watch 101 DONATIONS.

That is What They Use, Afterall

After our first graders production of Frog and Toad, the kids were helping us put up all the folding chairs. I had a chair in each hand, so I flipped one of them up and caught it at the other end so I could put it away on the rack. I hear one of the first graders comment:

Ooohh, Mr. Bowers look like he 'bout to hit somebody with that WRESTLING CHAIR.

Sew Sweet

Jodi is a 2nd grader. She noticed that my Goldilocks puppet had a torn dress and offered to take it home to sew it. She brought it back the next day:

MR. BOWERS: Wow! Great job! Dd your mom help you?
JODI: No, sir.
MR. BOWERS:  Well, I bet she is super proud of you.
JODI:  I don't know.
MR. BOWERS: Didn't you show her?
JODI:  No, sir.


A week or so later Jodi came up to the music teacher and I offering to sell us some chocolate covered strawberries. Then she got out a little notebook and took our order. Then the music teacher asked her what she was raising money for--you know, was it for a club or something?

JODI:  Nah, I'm just helping raise money to give to my mom to help pay for rent. :(

We each contributed $5 and said a prayer for such a sweet, kind and loving student!

A Beating From the Future

In about 60 years, that girl might just be a GRANDMA!! What if YOUR Grandma told you that some boy used to bother her when she was a little girl? Wouldn't you want to go back in time and beat that boy up? Well? Do you want some kid from the future coming back in time to hunt you down?  TREAT THESE GIRLS WITH RESPECT!

Pay Attention in Math

Sara lost one of her little kindergarten teeth. I told her to let me know how much money she gets from the tooth fairy.  I got my answer the very next day--kinda:

SARA: Mr. Bowers, the tooth fairy came!
MR. BOWERS:  That's great, Sara, how much did the Tooth Fairy give you for your tooth?
SARA: He gave me ELEVEN!
MR. BOWERS:  Wow! Eleven what?  Eleven dollars? Eleven cents?
SARA: ...Eleven money!

Okaaaaaay

OKIKI:  Mr. Bowers, Za'Qualyn is making fun of my name.

So Polite!

As I was walking down the hall today, I see Roman (2nd grader) come out of his classroom and stand right outside the door:

MR. BOWERS:  Howdy, Roman!  Are you in trouble or something?
ROMAN:  Nope, just needed to step outside the room.
MR. BOWERS:  Ahh, were you getting upset and needed to calm down?
ROMAN:  Nope.
MR. BOWERS:  Well, why are you in the hallway?
ROMAN:  Just needed to pass gas.
MR. BOWERS:  Ahhh, excellent!


Then, Roman turned and walked back into the room.

My Bad

(Dykiya's teacher is on her way to pick up the class from Drama. Dykiya spots her rounding the corner.)

DYKIYA:  Mr. Bowers, there go our teacher.
MR. BOWERS: No, no Dykiya, you mean, "THEY go our teacher," no, no...wait a minute...it's  "Here comes our teacher."  That's the one!

Everybody makes mistakes .

They Call Me Lando

MR. BOWERS:  Hey, Orlando? Have you ever considered going by the name, "Lando?" You know, like Lando Calrissian from Star Wars?
ORLANDO: No.
MR. BOWERS: You like Star Wars don't you?
ORLANDO:   Yes.

(The next day.)

LANDO:  Hey, Mr. Bowers, they call me Lando, now.
RICHARD: Yeah, he's Lando.
MR. BOWERS:  Awwwww, you old scalawag!

Kindergarten Role Call

MR. BOWERS:  Ethan?
ETHAN:  Here!
MR. BOWERS:  Marcus?
MARCUS:  Here!
MR. BOWERS:  Kennedi?
KENNEDI:  Nice and brown!
MR. BOWERS:  Yes, you are! 

Not Raining Yet

Today, it was a little bit wet outside, kinda sprinkling, as the PreK entered the room:

AMAYA:  Mr. Bowers, it's DRIPPY ourside.

Not so Smart

I have told the kids many times about how MLK believed that truly intelegent people fought with their words, not their fists. Smart people hit with their words! Maybe the PreK'ers haven't got the message yet:

MR. BOWERS:  Class, remember?  What do smart people hit with?
DEMARION:   A BELT!!!

Adventure in a Box

In this year's edition of Magic Box a couple of the Kinder kids were awesome!  First, Eugene pulled out something and started putting it on his face.  I wasn't sure what it was, then it became apparent when he started crawling around and shooting webs like spiderman!  It really was a good impression; he even did some acrobatic moves!  Then, Manuel pulled out something that made him drop to the ground and start rolling and screaming, "GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF OF MEEEEE!!!"  No one could guess what it was, so finally he told us, "A snake!"

It Was Probably a Stork

Christine's mom came to visit her PreK class (4 year olds) and had a little baby with her:

CHRISTINE:  That's my baby sister!  The bird brung her.

Insensitive?

I have discovered a way to get a crying 4 year old to stop!  It may not always work, but it has worked twice for me so far!  Both times, it has happened in the morning, at breakfast while the pre'k kids are saying goodbye to their parents.  Some of them cry on and on--and sometimes the kids are even crying, too. hahahaha!  Anyway, if a kid is really wailing super loud and really hurting people's ears, i'll go up to them and quietly say:

Hey, listen...Do you know how to sob?  I mean, because, right now, you are REALLY moaning...could ya change it to more of a sob?  You know, cry really quietly, like this.  ( I try to do a soft, sweet sob as an example.)  Thanks! 

Both times, they sat there confused as I walked away--confused and NOT crying.

At Least She Got Last Right

The music teacher was asking the 5th graders what they knew about Leonardo da Vinci in preparation for our upcoming musical, "Yo! Leonardo."

OLIVIA:  Um, yeah, he painted, "The Last Dinner."

Ray Rice

Of course, the subject of Ray Rice came up with my 5th graders.  It's all over the news, the NFL player who got in trouble for punching out his fiance.

MR. BOWERS:  Come on, kids, you know he was wrong, boys can't hit girls; boys are bigger and stronger.  (at this point, there is some dissension  in the class because some of the 5th grade boys are kinda small.)  You see the adults around you, boys get the brawn and girls get the brains!
FINN:  Mitchel gets both! (Mitchel is super smart--and all the kids know it!)
MR. BOWERS:  Mitchel, when you get married, you'll be sure to tell your wife that SHE is smarter---that's the "smart" thing to do, right?
MITCHEL:  Yup!
MR. BOWERS:  Well, I think it's not okay to hit ANYBODY--boy or girl.

Then we got busy doing some REAL Drama.

Look-a-Like

KINDERGARTENER:  Mr. Bowers, you look like JJ Watt!
MR. BOWERS:  Go to the nurse!

You Know, They're Only FOUR

MR. BOWERS:  Okay, PreK, what's it called when you go to the park for lunch and you sit on a blanket to eat?
JAYLA:  Nasty.

Books are for More Than Reading

I made up a new/old fashioned way to teach self control:

Books on the heads at their seats.  If you are under control, you may remove your book.  If you feel yourself getting out of control, replace the book.  If I have to remind you to be in control, you have to look at the clock and keep the book on for one minute.  Each loss of control adds a minute (up to 5).

All I've done so far is let the kids practice with books, they seem to like it...we'll seeeee.

Turn Down for Bowers

KINDERGARTENER:  Mr. Bowers, you look like JJ Watt!
MR. BOWERS:  Go to the nurse.

Aladdin

I directed Aladdin this year and one of my parents videoed the show!  Hope you enjoy!

Has it Even Grown Yet?

Chloe, a second grader, wanted to borrow one of the books, "Where the Red Fern Grows," from my classroom.  I told her that she could borrow it, but I couldn't tell her if it was any good because I hadn't read it. I had only seen the movie, and it was when I was a little kid, and all I remembered about it was that it was sad.  I ran into her two days later:

MR. BOWERS:  Howdy!  How's that Red Fern book?

CHLOE:  Wow...the first few pages...and I'm already cryin'.

Totally Joking, of Course

At our annual Field Day, I was running the sack races.  The first grade children kept falling in the grass.  Finallly, I said to one of the parents,  "You know, I really love it when they fall.  Since I can't hurt them, I feel that when they hurt themselves...it just brings joy to my heart."

Luckily, the parent, having a similar sense of humor, totally agreed. 

Purple Milk

KYLER:  Mr. Bowers, you like the purple milk?
MR. BOWERS:  Well, Kyler, the milk in the Purple container is the Fat Free--that means it doesn't have any fat in it.  The ones in the pink continer are 1% fat.  I want the fat free because I don't need any more fat in me than I already have.
KYLER:  (teases another student) HA HA! YOUR MILK IS FAT!

U

What are the grades in Drama?

E--Excellent
S--Satisfactory
N--Needs improvement
U--Unacceptable

Unacceptable--you know, like if you get a Happy Meal with no toy.

Sticky Swinging

Out in the Trailer Park where my classroom is, we have an awning over the sidewalk that is held up with poles.  All day, I get to yell at kids for swinging on the poles.   I have started a false rumor that may help the situation.  Now, every time I see a kid swinging on the poles, I casually tell them, "You know, those poles are where the PreK'ers wipe their boogers."

Are You Sure?

MR. BOWERS:  Nicholas, you are being DEFIANT!
NICHOLAS:  No, I'm NOT!
MR. BOWERS:  (sigh.)

I'm the Lucky One

ZAHIRA:  Mr. Bowers, today is my lucky day!
MR. BOWERS:  Why?
ZAHIRA:  Because it's my lucky day!
MR. BOWERS:  But, WHY is it lucky?
ZAHIRA:  Because it's TODAY!
MR. BOWERS:  (sigh.)

Wild West

RAGHAV:  Mr. Bowers, cowboys make people dance by shooting their legs?

Sometimes a Five Year Old Forgets Which Word to Use

Every year, I ask the kindergartners' to act out what they want to be when they grow up:

KAIDEN:  Yeah!  I'm gonna be SPIDERMAN!  Let me just get out my WIG!
CLASS:  WEB!!!!

I Like That Name Better

KIRSTEN (2nd Grader):  Mr. Bowers, if my brother is absent twice for Drumbo Sumbo, will he get kicked out?
MR. BOWERS:  Absent from WHAT?
KIRSTEN:  Drumbo Sumbo.  They meet in Mister Nowski's room.
MR. BOWERS:  Oh, you're talking about the Drum Ensemble that meets in Miss Danowski's room.
KIRSTEN:  YEAH!  Drumbo Sumbo!  That's it!
MR. BOWERS:  No, it's called Drum Ensemble.
KIRSTEN:  DRUMBO SUMBO.
MR. BOWERS:  Ok.  Drumbo Sumbo.

Roll Call

MR. BOWERS:  Kendarius...Kendarius?  Is Kendarius here today?
GENESSA:  No, he's absent.
MILTON:  Yeah, he got a FAYVOR...that's what his mom say.

Cow Day

Every year, we get a visit from the Mobile Dairy.  The Mobile Dairy is a huge trailer with a Dairy Cow on board and a rusty old COWBOY full of information about milk and cows and all of the processes that get the milk from the cow to the table:   

COWBOY:  Now, boys and girls, why do cows need energy?

FIRST GRADER:  So that people can ride them!

COWBOY:  What products come from milk?  

FIRST GRADER:  Eggs!

COWBOY:  Are there any questions?

FIRST GRADER:  Are cows made from meat?

Yay, First Grade!

KAHDEEM: Mr. Bowers, my birthday is this year!
MR. BOWERS: Oh my gosh! So is mine!

(High-fives were exchanged, followed by a brief lesson about calendars.)

Paint Brushes

At an audition, actors are like paint brushes while the director is like the artist who is selecting which brushes to use.  The actors just have to be the best brush they can be and maybe the artist will pick them.  If the artist doesn't pick your brush, then it doesn't mean you are a bad brush, it just means the artist is in need of a different brush for this painting.  You wouldn't want to use a fine brush to paint broad strokes!  Therefore, do not be nervous at an audition, just show your skills and hope for the best!

Sunday Night Football

At least five times today, I heard a kid tell another kid that the Texans won the game last night.  Poor little fans don't know that you never go to bed on a Houston team.  I was sad to tell them the bad news, but was quick to point out that the reason they lost to the Colts was because the Colts quarterback, Andrew Luck IS FROM HOUSTON!  He went to Stratford High School, which is on Dairy Ashford, which is only about two miles from our school, which is right down the street from the Dairy Ashford Roller Rink, which is where all of our safety patrol parties are held, which means that they skate on the very same rink that ANDREW LUCK (might have) skated on!!!  You may have even worn the same skates as him!  Those skates are pretty old!

So, ummm, that means that, umm, you might someday leave Houston and come back into town and beat their football team...or something like that.

Paranormal Gasses

One of the First Graders passed gas in a really loud way!  Before I could say anything, Parker shouts out, "IS THERE A GHOST IN HERE?"

I can't wait to use this one on my dad.  He passes gas quite often and blames it on, "Barking spiders."

A Kinder Spider

As I was getting ready to call roll, I slid my chair in front of the class:


KATE:  Yeeees, sit on your precious TUFFET.

Wolves Eat Pigs.

Xavier is a 1st grader and we were doing puppets today.  Xavier chose the Wolf puppet:

XAVIER:  I am a wolf and I like to eat PORK!

Charolette's Something

There are plenty of bilingual kids at our school, and they say the darnd'est things:

LESLI:  Mr. Bowers, there is something of the spider there!
MR. BOWERS:  What??
LESLI:  There is SOMETHING of the spider there!
MR. BOWERS:  Uhh, you mean a WEB?
LESLI:  Yes, there is a web of the spider there!

Gifted

One of our 2nd grade teachers said, "Some of my gifted children haven't opened their gifts yet."

Wild Child

This Wild Child has been out of control since PreK and is now in 1st grade.  I decided that it would be best for her to sit in the front of the rug on the purple squares.  She shouts out that she wants to sit on THE RED SQUARES--which were on the back!  I had a great idea!  I got everyone to move off of the rug, turned it around so the red was on the front and asked everyone to sit back down.  Wild Child went back to her seat on a RED SQUARE which was now in the front of the room.  However, she remained WILD.  I'll try again next time.

Listening With Respect

To show respect to your teacher, you should listen to her like she's the favorite part of your favorite movie.  If she calls on one of your classmates to speak, then they are your new favorite part. If someone next to you is talking out of turn, encourage them to also watch and listen to your "favorite part!"

2nd Grade Saddness :(

I've gotta get this boy some help.

We were discussing self respect and how you have to accept who you are and do your best and how life has its ups and downs and you gotta keep a positive attitude and keep trying...and one of the 2nd grade boys said,  "My life rarely has ups."  His voice was really heartbreaking.

Wow.  We all tried to point out good things in his life, and even talked about another kid on campus who is IN A WHEEL CHAIR!

When I asked him what was the worst part about his life, he couldn't think of anything.

Or didn't want to say.