Scared

MR. BOWERS:  Kindergartners, what do you do when you get scared?
YOUSEF:  I hide out under my bed!
PARKER:  I think about unicorns...and princesses coming to save me.

...and then there's this:

JONAH:  I'll just get my mom to get me a lightning sword with an axe on it.

EWWWWW!

Ok, two gross things have happened this week at my JOB.

1.  One of the 2nd graders left a used band-aid inside one of the puppets.
2.  One of the Pre-k'ers decided it was a good idea to poop on the sidewalk, and some other random kid accidentally stepped in it and left a poo trail.

I love my job!

Unintentional Cursing

MR. BOWERS:  Jacoby...? Jacoby...? Is Jacoby here?
KINDERGARTENER:  No, he's ass-bent.

Chinny-chin-chin

I have been growing a beard for four months now, and I am starting to get some interesting things said to me by the kids:

Kindergarten:  You look like a Beard.
1st Grade:  Is that a real mustache?
2nd Grade:  Did you grow a beard?
3rd Grade:  Hey, Santa.
4th Grade:  Do you use conditioner in your beard?
5th Grade:  When did you grow a beard?

Chug-a-lug.

(Mr. Bowers enters his room of First Grade Drama Students  and quickly downs a bottled water.)

HAWA:  Why you drinkin' so much water?
MR. BOWERS:  I'm trying to lose weight and water is good for you.
HAWA:  Milk will help you lose weight.
MR. BOWERS:  Milk is good for you, but if you drink too much of it, you'll get fat.
HAWA:  My mom drinks skinny milk.

English as a Second Language 2

Many of our students have English as a second language and that leads to some great moments...like this one:

ISHAN:  Mr. Bowers, I went to Sonic and I got to have a HOG DOG.

Kinder Quote

KIAN:  Mr. Bowers, vultures eat dead food.

Funnier Now

MR. BOWERS:  Saanvi, I like you much better as a 2nd grader, last year you never laughed at my jokes.
SAANVI:  Those jokes weren't funny.

Kindergarten Shovel

MR. BOWERS:  Kindergartners, what is the name of this object?
RASHAAD:  A spoon!
MR. BOWERS:  No, it's something you dig with.
RASHAAD:  A DIRT spoon!

Generation 2000

I have a picture in my room from my first play that I did in College.  One of the 2nd graders asked me about the picture today:

LISA:  Why are you dressed like a pirate in that picture?
MR. BOWERS:  Oh, that is from when I was in college, see, it even has the year on it, "1989."
LISA:  NINETEEN?!?!?!?!?!

Future Student

MRS. PARK:  Mr. Bowers,  I need to take Ziara to the office, she's leaving, her mom is about to have the baby.
MR. BOWERS:  Ok, hurry up Ziara and go with Mrs. Park.

(they leave...a few seconds later, they return)

ZIARA:  Mr. Bowers, can I have a sticker to give to my new brother?

Or Taste Buds

Jade in First grade said, "When you eat something, you taste it with your tasty bumps."

Home Work

JACOB:  Mr. Bowers, I was in the newspaper this summer.
MR. BOWERS:  That's great!  Why were you in the paper?
JACOB:  Because my mom came home from Iraq.
MR. BOWERS:  Cool, is she still home?
JACOB:  No, she's at work.

Quarter Pocket

I try to have a quarter in my pocket every day in case there is a kid with a birthday.  Well, the other day as I was doing laundry, I saw the proof of that! 

Not Born Yesterday

DANIELLA (2nd grade):  Ohh, you can't fool me, don't you know I was born tomorrow!

Dream On

Nelson is looking at a picture of my friend, Alan:

NELSON:  Mr. Bowers, your friend looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin.
FREDDY:  Aww, I wanna look like Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Close, but no Popcicle

MR. BOWERS:  I'm sorry, Kindergarten, but to go to the Popcicle Party, you have to have many Accelerated Reader points, so, you need to be able to READ!
JADE:  I can spell CAT!

Owned

Nicholas just owned Christian at Star Wars Trivia and Christian had a bummed out look on his face, so I went over to check him out.

MR. BOWERS:  Christian, if Nicholas is bothering you with all these Star Wars questions, I can ask him to stop challenging you.
CHRISTIAN:  I WILL DESTROY HIM!

When I Grow Up

MITCHEL: I wanna be a Mathematician.
AUBRIELLE: I wanna be a Model who rides horses for fun.
NICHOLAS: I really wanna be Bounty Hunter.
ETHAN:  I WANNA BE A WOOKIE!

It's All Greek to Me

Kennedy is a kindergartner:

KENNEDY:  I don't like China!
MR. BOWERS:  Why not?
KENNEDY:  Because they speak Spanish.

 

Baby Grandma

Today, Angel's 2nd grade teacher told me that he was being disrespectful--especially to the girls in the class:

MR. BOWERS:  Angel, a long time ago, did your mom used to be a little girl in 2nd grade?
ANGEL:  Yes.
MR. BOWERS:  Well, if you can imagine her as a little girl, would you want some 2nd grade boy being mean to her?
ANGEL:  No.
MR. BOWERS:  You see, in about 50 years, all these little girls in your class could be somebody's mom--or GRANDMA! You gotta treat all the girls in your class with respect!
ANGEL:  OK, Mr. Bowers :)

Break it up!

Today there was a little scuffle between two 4th grade boys:

MR. BOWERS: Jeremiah, tell me what happened.
JEREMIAH: I was just touching his jacket and he told me that if I did it again, he was gonna kill me! Then I told him, "Do it!" Then, he just started choking me!!!
MR. BOWERS: Well, you did just ask him to kill you. What did you expect?

On This Boulevard

Workin dat PreK boyeeee:

BROOKLYN: "Twinkle, twinkle, little star...."
MR. BOWERS: Nice job, Brooklyn, now, who else know a song?
CHRISTOPHER: "HUSTLE...HUSTLE...HUSTLE...HARD!"

That's Right!

MR. BOWERS: So, Kindergartners, why do some animals have to live at the zoo?
NATHAN: It's because they can't live in people's houses.

Meet Your New Padawan

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Christian, meet Nicholas; he's a bigger Star Wars fan than you are.
CHRISTIAN: Oh yeah? How many arms does a Zillo Beast have?
NICHOLAS: Eight!
CHRISTIAN: WRONG! Three.


And I thought I was a nerd.

$5000-A-Baby

So, when the Computer teacher went to fix the internet box that the Momma squirell nested in, she found 3 babies! It cost $15,000 to fix the wiring, so you do the math.

It Wasn't Me!

HELP!! I ain't the one who made the squirrel nest in the internet wire box thingy! that was Bob! I was just mindin' me own business lookin' for food when all of sudden I get stuck in this cage! Now, me whole mornin' is ruined and who knows where they'll take me! I didn't choose to live at a school where there is an endless supply of snacks! These trees were here before the buildings were!!! Let me go!!!


Such is life, kids.

He Can't Hitchhike Either

For some reason the squirrels on our campus have been making a nest in the internet wire box outside.

Today, the school district caught a squirrel in one of their cage\trap thingys.

MR. BOWERS: Oh, look 2nd graders, they caught a squirrel!
LIZBETH: He can't get out because he doesn't have any thumbs.

Where You Goin?

MR. BOWERS: Ashton! You aren't supposed to be out here in the T-Building area in the morning! You need to be in the Kindergarten Hallway with your class.
ASHTON: But, I'm 'lergic to hallways :(

Old English?

My second graders, yesterday:

PEYTON: Shakespeare? That's what they speak in Harry Potter!
AARON: No, that's Parselmouth!

Money Maker

The other day, Aaron showed up wearing a hoodie and not letting anyone see his hair. Apparently, he had tried to cut his own hair and messed up and his mom was making him wear the haircut as punishment. I told him to OWN it and tell his classmates what happened. Then, tell 'em if they want you to cut their hair too, it'll cost 'em $5.

What Are Ancestors?

NICHOLAS (2ND GRADE): An ancestor is like my great, great, great, caveman grandfather.

Dear Cupid,

Can you please NEVER make Valentines Day happen on a school day EVER AGAIN!!!

Sincerely,

Teachers

I'm gonna Start Saying That

Ellen, a 3rd grader, who was was describing someone who had lost weight said, "He lost all his CHUB."

Opportunity

On old teacher at my school used to say, "Children are like barometers, when they weather is crazy, so are they!"

Today is one of those days and the children are WILD and LOUD! I had to get their attention...

MR. BOWERS: HHHHEEEEYYYYY!!!!!! (They all got silent) You know, this rainstorm is a great opportunity for me to practice my SELF CONTROL.

The music teacher is selling these smelly pencils called, "Smencils" to raise money for our after school clubs. I took a whiff of the ch-ch-cherry flavored pencil, and it reminded me of a scratch-n-sniff book that I had as a kid:

MR. BOWERS: Sssnnnnniiiifffffff...ahhh, this takes me back to my childhood.
TROY: Aw, man, i wanna go back to my childhood.
MUSIC TEACHER: Troy, I got news for ya, you're already there.

Called Her Bluff

The other day in the cafeteria, Susanna was talking loud and acting wild--as usual. I questioned her behavior:

MR. BOWERS: These are not MY rules--they will tell you to behave at ANY school.
SUZANNA: Not at my last school.
MR. BOWERS: You mean, they let you act crazy at your old school?
SUZANNA: Yep!
MR. BOWERS: What was the name of your old school?
SUZANNA: Yellowstone Academy.
MR. BOWERS: Here in Houston?
SUZANNA: Yep!

Now is where I get out my cell phone, put it on speaker phone for her to hear and call information, get the number and call Yellowstone Academy.

SUZANNA: (As it's ringing.) No, no, you don't have to call them...
MR. BOWERS: (on the phone) Hello, I am a teacher and I have a former student of yours here and she says that y'all let kids act crazy...do you let any of your kids act crazy at your school?
YELLOWSTONE: Oh, no, never!
MR. BOWERS: Ok, thank you! (hang up) What NOW Suzanna???
SUZANNA: :/

What Goes Around

Yesterday, I was walking and I hear Coach Reid call me over:

COACH: Hey, Bowers, come here, I got something for your blog. Check out what happened to Aaron (3rd grader) on Christmas break.
AARON: My house got broken into.
MR. BOWERS: Aaron, that's terrible, did they steal a bunch of stuff?
COACH: Here's the good part.
AARON: Well, they stole $22 from me, but $20 of that was money that I had stole from my sister, so, really they only took $2 from me.

A FIVE Year old!!!!

The Music teacher took a picture of Sophia's (Kindergartener) Rock-n-Roll Snowman on her IPhone:

SOPHIA: Mrs. D., can you send me that picture?
MRS. D: Sure, I can email it to you, do you know your mom's email?
SOPHIA: No, but you can just text it to my mom's phone.

Classic case of NATIVE technology user VS. MIGRANT technology user.

Or a Magician

On a kid's birthday, I usually am able to pull a quarter out of the birthday kid's ear. I have been doing this for some time, so kids will usually try to come see me on their birthday to get a quarter. Today, I pulled a quarter out of someone's ear while a new kid, Tre, was watching. Tre freaked out, and said, "WOW! You're a MUSICIAN!!!"

Hug it Out

After we have solved the argument, I tell the kids who were fighting, "Now you two can either give each other a hand shake, or a hug--it's your choice, I won't make you do either...but I recommend you HUG IT OUT!!!"

Fin and Ahnika

This morning, I spotted Fin and Ahnika (Both in 2nd grade) walking to class together, so, of course, I have to say Howdy!

MR. BOWERS: Howdy, y'all! Ahnika, why are you walking with Fin?
AHNIKA: I saw him outside, and I caught up with him?
MR. BOWERS: What? Fin is your friend? Are you sure that's a good idea?
AHNIKA: Yes! He's in my class!
MR. BOWERS: I think that's a mistake! Fin won't be a good friend for you, watch this: Fin, who is the Texan's Quarterback?
FIN: ???
MR. BOWERS: Oh! Uhh, OK, Who won the game on Thanksgiving between the UT Longhorns and the Texas A & M Aggies?
FIN: ???
MR. BOWERS: Oh, well, uhh, what color is Barbie's hair?
FIN: BLONDE!!!
AHNIKA: :)
MR. BOWERS: Well, maybe Fin will be a good friend after all.
FIN AND AHNIKA: Yayyyy!

Just a Piece

The Music teacher was drinking an energy drink out of a can. One of the First Graders, Elijah, had this to say:

She's drinking a piece of beer.

Where ya From Kindergartener?

MR. BOWERS: Legend, are you from Detroit?
LEGEND: No.
MR. BOWERS: So, where are you from?
LEGEND: I'm from Ms. LeBlanc's class.

Those Scarry Oompa Loompa's

Yesterday was awesome! The PTO brought in a guy who teaches drumming to the kids. He had enough drums for every kid to be involved in a huge drum circle. During the Kindergarten drum circle, I happened to be sitting by Ashton. He was doing well until one of the drum songs reminded him of "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." He started getting really worried that they were going to play the Oompa Loompa song on the drums and he is terrified of the Oompa Loompas. He got so upset that I had to walk him out of the drum circle and take him to the office to calm down.

After school I told him that the Oompa Loompas weren't real and that even if they were, they were shorter than a kindergartener so he has nothing to worry about.

Million Dollar Idea

MR. BOWERS: Wow! Troy is in trouble again? What are we going to do with that kid? He's so wild!
2ND GRADE TEACHER: I wish I had some ritalin spray.

2nd Grade Poem

Drama, Oh, Drama, you make me shine
Just like the night sky and
Like a tulip when it's ready to bloom!

By Ellen

Anger Management

Today, I was talking to Derrek about his emotions and offering some suggestions for controlling them:

If I get too angry, I know how to calm myself down. Sometimes, I get so mad, I do the "Hulk Smash" on my bed, like I'm trying to crush it with my fore arms. The bed is soft, so I don't hurt myself, and I can't break the bed by smashing it. Plus, it wears me out. I'm too tired to be mad after that.

Then I took him outside and let him do the primal scream.

PE

We had to split up one of the classes today because a teacher was out, so the kids got sent to either Drama, Music, Art, PE or Computer. As the kids who got sent to Drama walked in the room, I heard:

CHRISTIAN: I wanted to go to PHYSICAL education.

Dirty Restrooms

We have had some restroom messes at our school this year, so I decided to take a "before and after" picture of the boys’ restroom. I showed the kids the pictures from the beginning of the day, and at the end of the day and they, of course, were disgusted. I asked them:

MR. BOWERS: Who gets to clean up this mess every day?
CLASS: Mr. Roberto!
MR. BOWERS: A Grandfather!
CLASS: ??
MR. BOWERS: That's right! A GRANDFATHER! I asked Mr. Roberto, and he has two grandkids, so that makes him a grandfather. How many of you have a Grandfather? Would you want YOUR Grandfather to have to clean up this mess EVERY DAY?
CLASS: No.
MR. BOWERS: So, what do we need to do about these messy bathrooms?


I think that if I can get some sympathy for our school workers, maybe the kids will also help to keep it cleaner :)