From Mrs. Farley

STUDENT: Mrs. Farley, you are like our mother, we spend all day with you!
ANOTHER STUDENT: Great! Now Mrs. Farley has 24 unwanted children.

Oops.

MR. BOWERS: I just gave the quiet sign! Raise your hand if you didn't hear it!


At this point, Paul raises his hand. I forgot that Paul is a hearing impaired lip reader.

Snow Cone Win

We had 2nd and 3rd Grade Field Day today:

FORRIS: I want another snow cone!!!
MR. BOWERS: Sorry, you only get one--but when you grow up and get a job, you can buy your own snow cone machine and have a many as you want.
DESTINY: My dad has a snow cone machine, and it serves ALCOHOL flavored snow cones!


mmm. I bet they're green.

Reached The End of Her Rope

Our walls are pretty thin at our school and sometimes you can hear what's happening in the classrooms as you walk past:

2ND GRADE TEACHER: I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER THING ABOUT FAT MAMMAS!!!

Secrets

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Desmond (1st grade) did your dad tell you that I am friends with him on Facebook?
DESMOND: No, but my dad always be keepin' secrets.

Monday Morning Blues

I walked into the school this wonderful Monday morning and found a 1st grader BAWLING!

MR. BOWERS: Marcus! What's the matter?
MARCUS: I left my Pokemon book at my dad's house! WAAAA!!!
MR. BOWERS: Hey! It's ok, at least you didn't lose the book! Think how sad you would be if you LOST your book!
MARCUS: WAAAA!!!
MR. BOWERS: Heeey, don't worry, you can get it back from your dad, when will you see him again?
MARCUS: I don't know, he drives a boat.

Bathroom Humor

I was walking past the restroom and heard some commotion. As I entered, I saw two 3rd graders both standing in the stall looking into the toilet. I quietly walked up behind them to see what they were looking at when I heard this discussion:

DEVIN: See, those brown marks in the toilet? They are make from dookie.
AARON: Yeah, it's dookie.
MR. BOWERS: I THINK IT IS DOOKIE, YOU'RE RIGHT!!!

They just about jumped out of their skin.

Not Impressed

I had to cover a 3rd Grade class for a minute while their teacher was away. I had a book in my hand, "Alice in Wonderland" and it had all of the other stories and poems that Carrol wrote, so it has about 1,600 pages--a really BIG book.

I asked the kids if they wanted to hear some of it. I opened to where my bookmark was and started to read. Not two seconds in to my reading--complete with English accent--Scarlett raises her hand:

SCARLETT: What page are you actually on?
MR. BOWERS: 35.
SCARLETT: Oh. :(
(pause)
MR. BOWERS: HEY! I JUST GOT THE BOOK THE OTHER DAY!

Let's Pretend

Here's a way to get through a lesson with a tough group youngsters:

Let's pretend that all of you are perfect students--and I'll pretend that I'm a perfect teacher! Ready, GO!

Caleb has been having problems with biting other PreK'ers:

MR. BOWERS: Why did you bite him?
CALEB: He was being rude to me by touching my desk.
MR. BOWERS: Is that a good reason to bite someone? Listen, people don't bite each other, that's what animals do.

(ANOTHER TEACHER walks up.)

MR. BOWERS: Caleb bit ANOTHER kid.
ANOTHER TEACHER: Caleb! That's nasty! I talked to you about germs--you can get sick biting other kids!

(A DIFFERENT TEACHER walks up.)

MR. BOWERS: Caleb bit ANOTHER kid.
A DIFFERENT TEACHER: That's it! Mr. Bowers, wipe off Caleb's arm. Caleb give me your arm, I'm gonna bite you and let you see how it feels!


I like how A DIFFERENT TEACHER asked me to wipe off his arm. She must have heard ANOTHER TEACHER giving him the business from down the hall. Too bad she didn't hear me just telling him that people don't bite each other. They do. I forgot.

PreK Antics

The Coach and I played this awesomely mindless color game with about 30 PreKers today to work on their color skills. You tell them to go and find something in the room of a certain color and touch it. ex. Boys! Touch something red! Girls, count 'em down...10...9...8... I found that if you count down slowly, the kids won't run.

It was great!

Try it yourself at home or in the office! Go! Touch something GREEN!

What The Nun Said

Several of our 5th graders didn't get to go to camp for one reason or another (most because they were responsible for younger siblings after school) and one in particular was sitting in the library eating by herself. I ran into her as I was heading to wash out my dish.

HER: My so called friends don't want to eat with me.
MR. BOWERS: Well, some of your friends are at camp.
HER: I don't have any friends.
MR. BOWERS: You know what, the best way to get a friend is to be a friend. You know what a nun told me when I was a kid?
HER: What's a nun?

(a few minutes later)

MR. BOWERS: Anyway, a nun told me that the way to get friends is to be nice, treat people with respect and don't hit people and don't bother people and instead of arguing all the time, just be nice. Or something like that. Anyway...you may not find great friends until next year in middle school or in high school or even college...but remember where your path is taking you--to college.

She nodded and went back to her meal. With her friends. :(

But only because I had already eaten. :)

Our FAVORITE PreK'er

I was talking to Caleb's teacher to find out if anything crazy had happened with him lately and she droped off this gem:

Caleb had tried to cut his own hair. She asked him why he had done it. He said, "I only wanted to be a barber."

Then the computer teacher told me about the time he was upset in the lab.

CALEB: We need to arrest that table because it hit me in the testicles!

Former Student

I was at an event called "Apartment Outreach" where teachers and volunteers from our school visit apartment complexes for a night of fun and education. We get to meet parents and see current and former students. I ran into Pigeon--that's his last name, he is in 5th grade, but goes to a different school down the street.

PIGEON: If I was at y'alls school, I would be the fastest kid there.
MR. BOWERS: Well, Donovan here is pretty fast, and he's in 5th grade.
DONAVAN: I'm second fastest in the school.
MR. BOWERS: OK, Donovan, you can race Pigeon.
DONOVAN: Nah, I don't feel like it.
MR. BOWERS: OK...well...Pigeon, you just go run around, and we'll tell you if you're the fastest.
PIGEON: Get outta here!

Milli Vanilli

MR. BOWERS: Y'all, the show is coming up soon, if you don't know the words to the songs by now, you better learn to lip sync.
JESS: Yeah, last year at my other school, they wanted us to sing some childish song, so I just lip sync'ed it.

I Asked for the News, Not the Weather!

Today, as I was talking to the class, I apparently spat on the kids in the front row:

TREVOR: Ugh! You spitted on me!
JOHN PAUL: Wow! It's like the splash zone at Sea World in here.

From Across the Room I Hear...

AZIZA: I'M URANUS!

I look over and she's holding the Uranus costume from "School House Rock."


Imagine my surprise.

Cookie Monster

Let me preface this by telling you that my mom says my first words as a baby were, "I wanna cookie."

I have to supervise some of the kids during dismissal. I told Gabriel that if he didn't keep up with his backpack, I was going to eat his cookies that he had just showed me. Within a few minutes he was over playing by the tree--without his backpack, so I proceeded to eat one of his cookies. HE GOT SO MAD!!! "I'M GONNA TELL MY MAMA ON YOU!!!"

I decided that it would be best if I told his mom first, so she wouldn't think I was totally crazy. She offered me ANOTHER one of his cookies and told Gabriel to keep up with his backpack in the future.

I love reasonable parents.

New Jordan's

It seems like every time I have this preK'er, he's crackin' me up:

MR. BOWERS: Caleb, I like your new shoes, those are Jordan's aren't they?
CALEB: Nuh-uh, they're mine! They cost 99 BUCKS!

New Student Audition

We were having some 3RD grade auditions for one of our musicals. Jada is a new student.



MR. BOWERS: Jada, do you want to audition?
JADA: I don't think so.
MUSIC TEACHER: Were you in choir at your old school?
JADA: Yes.
MUSIC TEACHER: Well, you should audition.
JADA: No, I'm ok.
MR. BOWERS: Who do you live with?
JADA: My Auntie.
MR. BOWERS: What would she tell you to do if she were here--just sit there? Or, get up and audition?
JADA: Get up and audition.
MUSIC TEACHER: Well, then, let's go!


Jada came up and quietly sang for us.

MUSIC TEACHER: Jada, first of all, you hit every single note. Now go ahead and sing out and have confidence!

The next day, we got this letter from Jada:

I LIKE DRAMA AND MUSIC ROOM

Why I like Drama and Music room is because you get to sing and it's my favorite because I always sing and sometimes my aunt tell me to stop singing. I love plays. It's just that I’m very proud that I tried out for because a great man and a great woman said that I can do it and I believed in my self and I did so I know that I should try. YOU ARE GREAT PEOPLES!

From,
Jada

Fictional Cutting.

Today I was making a video of kids pretending to go on a field trip.

MR. BOWERS: OK, so, I need you guys to line up for this shot like we're going on a field trip, you don't need to get in any order because this is not a real line, we're not really going anywhere...
DEDRICK: HE CUT!!
MR. BOWERS: (sigh.)

Where Do You Live?

Sometimes the kindergarteners come up to me and say the most random things:

GABRIEL: Mr. Bowers, yesterday, at my mom's house in my dad's hotel, I learned to beat-box!

More PreK Caleb

This kid is FOUR!!! Unbelievable.


MR. BOWERS: Caleb, stay in your seat, I would hate to have to call your mother.
CALEB: Mothers are ridiculous!
MR. BOWERS: Even YOUR mother?
CALEB: Not my mother.
MR. BOWERS: You know what, I may have to call your mother.
CALEB: I know you wouldn't call my mother and tell her that I said she was ridiculous, I thought you were nice.

Maybe for your parents!

MR. BOWERS: There are stories all around us. In reality, we each have our own stories that we live every day. You know, you are all a big part of your parents' story--and your parents story goes way back before you were born. Your parents stories were going on for twenty or thirty years before you came along--
ANDREW: --and RUINED the story!!

Random 1st Grader

AINSLEY: Mr. Bowers, last night I went to the rodeo to see the Rascal Flat and I lost a tooth.
MR. BOWERS: How much did the Tooth Fairy give you.
AINSLEY: One dollar and 40 cents*!



*Her sister told me that she actually got one dollar--but it was 4 quarters--I can see the confusion :)

4th Grade John Paul

John Paul is now a 4th grader. Today, I saw him with a big stack of "starbucks." A starbuck is a kind of reward thing that we do at our school:

MR. BOWERS: John Paul, are you stealing Starbucks?
JOHN PAUL: No, Mr. Bowers, that would be un-patriotic.

PreK Logic

Today we were in the music room and Caleb (preK) was edging over near the drums.

MR. BOWERS: Caleb, what are you doing over there? Come back over here and sit with the class.
CALEB: But, I wanted to show y'all how those drums sound.
MUSIC TEACHER: We already know how they sound.
CALEB: But I don't.

5th Grade Science FAIL

Today there was a little friut fly stuck in Patrick's hair. His 5th grade friend Juan was trying to let him know:

JUAN: Hey, Patrick, there is a little animal in your hair.

I Made up a Star Wars Joke

Q: What time does R2D2 get out of school?








A: C3PM

Too Much TV?

LIBRARIAN: So, over the course of his lifetime, George Washington owned 36 dogs.
SOFIE: OH MY GOSH--HE'S A HOARDER!!

Mother Goose

The Kindergarteners are performing their nursery rhymes today in the cafetorium:

MR. BOWERS: Hey, little kindergarten actors, break-a-leg today!
MITCHELL: I'm gonna break an EGG!!
MS. CARLISLE: He's playing Humpty Dumpty.

Cursive

MR. BOWERS: First graders, why do you think we teach people to write in cursive?
DELILAH: So that adults won't have to write like kids?

Kindergarten Stray

MR. BOWERS: If you see a dog without a home, that's called a "stray dog."
ETHAN: And if you see a homeless man, that's called a "stray person!"

3rd Grade Valentine

Feb.10, 2011

Dear Mr. Bowers,

Happy Valentines!

I found out yesterday at PE I could fit my fist in my mouth.

Your Friend,
Lauren

Speaking of Hitting

Is there a good reason to hit someone at school?

Yes, if they have an ant or mosquito on them. However, if they are on fire, you might want to push them down and tell them to roll around to put it out.

Conversation With a Mom

One of the 4th graders' mom stopped me after school. She and I have good conversation on a daily basis, so this was all a friendly conversation about her son:

A MOM: I hear my son got in trouble today in Drama today.

MR. BOWERS: Yeah, he said that you told him if someone hits you, you can hit them back--even if it's a girl. I told him that his mom doesn't want him to get bullied, that she wants him to fight back...not this little play slapping with a girl...and that he shouldn't be hitting girls in the first place.

A MOM: Yeah, I told him that...a girl that age shouldn't be hitting a boy and I told him that if someone initiates contact, he should hit them back.

MR. BOWERS: Well, maybe you could tell him that if he wants to hit someone, to invite them home so you can watch!

A MOM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Granite Granted.

ARIA (3rd grade): I read this book that said, "Don't take anything for granite, because tombstones are made out of granite."

Do you see?

do you see people being beaten all around you? do you see anyone being smacked in the face for cutting in line or taking a pencil? is there any reason to lie about the mistakes you make? just tell the truth and try not to make too many mistakes, and don't make the same mistakes twice.

and if someone is bothering you, just say, "please don;t do that, it's bothering me."

(there's a few mistakes in punctuation and spelling here, sorry"

My Own Kindergarden Joke

I saw my dad this weekend and he told me a joke that I made up when I was a kid.

Q: Who is Booger Boy?
A: Why, that's Booger Man's son.

That Makes Perfect Pre-K Sense

MR. WALKER: Destin! Why did you go to the bathroom on the playground!?
DESTIN: Because my mamma said she was gonna whoop my A$$ if I pee'd in my britches!
MR. WALKER: But now you're still going to be in trouble.
DESTIN: Not as much trouble as if I pee'd my britches!

Today in 5th Grade Drama...

...Caitlin came to the realization that every audience member sees the play from a different perspective. This led to the class coming to the realization that each audience members background also influences how they perceive the play.

Not part of my lesson plans, it just came out of a discussion in class.

Now they WANT to go see plays!

Vivek Again

Vivek is a wise-crackin' 1st grader. Today, I was calling role and one of the students was missing.

MR. BOWERS: Juliet...Juliet...?
ALEXIS: Hey, Juliet was here earlier...where is she?
VIVEK: She vanished!

It's Just For You

Teddy (2nd grade) was walking in the dirt next to the new sidewalk.

MR. BOWERS: Teddy! What are you doing? Why aren't you using the sidewalk?
TEDDY: I don't know.
MR. BOWERS: Don't you remember those guys building the sidewalk earlier this year? Remember, they had that big tractor and everything?
TEDDY: Oh, yeah!
MR. BOWERS: Well, they built that sidewalk for you! Do you want me to call them and tell them that you aren't using it?
TEDDY: No!
MR. BOWERS: They would be so mad, they would CRUSH you with their tractor! So where are you going to walk from now on?
TEDDY: The sidewalk!
MR. BOWERS: Good job!

Mindful

MR. BOWERS: When you are on stage, you have to be aware of your spatial relationships with everyone around you.
RAINA: Like a Jedi?
MR. BOWERS: Yes...like a Jedi.

Not Heart Broken--Leg Broken

HEATHER (2nd grade): I don't know why my mom married my dad, she only liked him because he had a broken leg.
MR. BOWERS: Does she still like him?
HEATHER: Yeah, because he's cute. But his leg's not broken anymore.

A Request

I overheard a kindergartner's request in the office as I was signing out today. Maria, the lady in charge of the cafeteria was the recipient of this request.

Can you serve chicken nuggets tomorrow?

Almost a Football Fan

FYI: On January 2nd the Houston Texans played the Jacksonville Jaguars.

HAYDEN: Hey Mr. Bowers, on the day after New Years Day I saw a game, it was the Houstons against the Leopards.

Strong Enough for a Man

D'Mitri is a first grade BOY and today he had shiny silver lips.

MR. BOWERS: D'Mitri, why are you wearing lip gloss?
D'MITRI: It's "man-gloss."

She Would Know

JONATHAN: Mr. Bowers, today is my birthday!
MR. BOWERS: No, it's not, I don't believe you.
JONATHAN: Yes it is, my mom told me!

Aurora's Grumpy

Aurora is a kindergartener and I have met her little brother Luke who is 3, I think. Today is the first day back from winter break. Aurora was looking a little grumpy:

MR. BOWERS: What's wrong Aurora?
AURORA: Nothing.
MR. BOWERS: Come on, what is it?
AURORA: NOTHING!
MR. BOWERS: I know, I bet you miss Luke! You got to spend all that time with him over the break and now you miss him, don't you?
AURORA: Yes.
MR. BOWERS: Ohh, I wonder what Luke is doing right now. He's probably in your room playing with all your dolls!
AURORA: No he's not!!!



Grumpy gone.