Not to Brag...

Just got this Email from one of my 5th grade parents:


Hello,

Zoe auditioned for Drama at Pershing and for Theatre and Broadcast Journalism at Johnston. She was accepted into both schools. So, we must be doing something right. Thanks for teaching her for 6 years.

Shawn


Oh yeah!

Fast Shoes

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Wisdom, I like those shoes you're wearin', I'll bet they run fast.
WISDOM: Nah, these are walking shoes.

Oh, Then It's OK.

ELENA(5th grade): Mr. Bowers, have you seen Talladega Nights?
MR. BOWERS: Elena! You shouldn't be watching that movie! That movie is rated R!
ELENA: No it's not! It's not rated R!
MR. BOWERS: What?! I thought it was.
ELENA: No, it's not--it's un-rated.

Predictable

I was reading the Pre-K'ers a book and was asking them to think about what would happen next in the story and try to predict:

MR. BOWERS: So, what do you think is going to happen next?
RAMAN: You're going to read some more pages!

Go Texan

I had to miss "Go Texan Day" at our school this year because I was out of town, but I heard about it! "Go Texan Day" is a day in Houston where we celebrate the start of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. We even dress up in our best cowboy gear at school.

Mr. Richmond is a teacher at my school and he told me of his conversation with Chase, a third grader who didn't wear any outfit for this special day:

MR. RICHMOND: Hey, Chase, where's your "Go Texan" clothes?

CHASE: I ain't no cowboy--I'm a gangsta.

Thanks.

Chris is a tall, skinny 5th grader. He is leaving the school without all 4 of his little brothers and his little sister, head hanging, frowning--foot draggin'.

MR. BOWERS: Whoa! Chris, what's up? You can't leave without all your brothers and sister--what's wrong, dude?

Chris just stops and stares at the ground. Some of his classmates and friends are walking by, heading home.

MR. BOWERS: Hey, y'all, what's up with Chris? Why's he all draggin' and stuff?
KAMAAL (Chris' kindergarten brother, who just ran up): Some fat, white kid is botherin' him!
MR. BOWERS: It's not me, is it?
KAMAAL: No, Mr. Bowers, you're an adult!

That's Some Spider!

MR. BOWERS: How do spiders feed themselves?

SEFIAT (kindergarden): By catching frogs in their webs.

The Mad Mouse

We were doing our emotion puppet game again today.

Ashton chose "mad" and "mouse".

He gets up there and starts making his mouse act like its throwing up and starts yelling, "I can't take this any more--stop the pain!" Then more throwing up and yelling.

It was really good--like the mouse was really going "mad".

Cookies!

Our school is doing "The Biggest Loser" and I am, of course, participating.

Yesterday, one of the Girl Scouts came to deliver a box of cookies to me while I was on duty after school. (My duty consists of me telling the kids to sit down while they wait for their ride. Now it's the same kids everyday, so they should know to sit when they come out, but they are not willing to do this until I tell them to--EVERYDAY!)

I opened the box and said, "Let's just see who remembered to sit down when they came out today," and started passing out the cookies. Of course, they all sat down quickly.

I had half a cookie left for myself so I did good on my diet, I got them all to sit down and I supported the Girl Scouts!

Now what will I bribe them with today?

The Sad Zebra

We were doing a 3rd grade activity with the puppets where the kids had to come up with a monologue for one of their puppets based on an emotion that they were given. Callum chose "sad" and the Zebra puppet.

He Starts with the Zebra talking about how he has no money and how he never finds any money on the ground. Then, out of nowhere, he starts dropping dollars from behind the puppet stage and his zebra starts getting all excited and stuff! It was hilarious.

Brendergartener

The kinder kid named Bren is pretty funny. This morning, she says:

I'm tired of sleeping--it gives me a headache.

Prince and Prince

There are two brothers at our school and they are both named Prince. When I ask them why, they say that their dad is a king in their country. I can't get them to tell me any more than that so I'm guessing it is kind of a secret.

At Least He's Polite

So, I had a little problem with Gregorio (4th grade) in my Drama class. He was supposed to write a prepositional phrase for his partner to act out. He wrote, "Blah, blah, blah".

I told him, "Even though yours is very funny, you still have to write the sentence for me so your partner can get a turn to act it out." He refused. This is not a case of him not knowing what a prepositional phrase is, he is just being stubborn.

As I was walking him back to his class, I tried to talk some sense into him. His response:

"Please be quiet."

I tried talking some more. He refused to look at me. I tried calling his mom. She doesn't speak English. I told his teacher everything and she is going to talk to his mom.

This is the part of teaching that is so frustrating.

Maybe I need to take some more psychology classes.

You're Preachin' to the Choir

When the 1st grade teacher dropped off her class, she told me, "Mr. Bowers, can you talk to Dorian, I've had it with him."

I took the class into the room and put Dorian up on a chair--standing. I asked him why adults make children go to school. After a minute or so, I finally got him to come to the conclusion that we make kids go to school to learn how to someday become good adults.

Then I said to him, "Dorian, do you see how much taller you are than me when you are standing in this chair? Well, it won't be too many years until you ARE taller than me--for real! See, I'm only 5'4"--that's pretty short for an adult. You are gonna be way taller than me, and you need to learn how to behave appropriately."

Out of the blue, Quinlyn raises his hand. Quinlyn is a new student (he's only been in Dorian's class for two days) and this is the first time he has ever been to my Drama class. I wonder what he has to say, so I call on him. He says, "Dorian isn't a bad kid, he's just making bad choices."

BLEW MY MIND--FIRST GRADE!! THAT IS SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN TELLING THESE KIDS FOR YEARS!!! I'm always saying, there is no such thing as a bad kid--only good kids who make bad choices."

I asked the class, "Who wants Dorian to try harder? (All raise their hands) See, Dorian, your class supports you. Who thinks Dorian can do better? (All raise their hands.) See, Dorian, your class believes in you too. Now, let's get busy with some Drama"

You're Tellin' Me "NO"?

MR. BOWERS: Angelo, go to the front of the school--your mom is late. She's gonna have to pick you up there.
ANGELO: Nooooo! Just a few more minutes--she'll come!
MR. BOWERS: Now.
ANGELO: Nooooo. Pleeeeease!
MR. BOWERS: Angelo, what do you want to be when you grow up?
ANGELO: A carver. You know, one of those guys that carves stuff in the wood for the buildings when they are building them--like a carpenter or something.
MR. BOWERS: Umm, OK, well, how would you feel if the boss gave you the tools to carve with and they were all dull and stuff and they wouldn't cut the wood the way you wanted them too?
ANGELO: I would hate it.
MR. BOWERS: Well, that's how I feel when a kid tells me "no". Don't be a dull wood cutting tool--be a sharp one...and go to the front of the school and wait for your mom.

Thieves

When it is discovered that something is missing, it is so hard to get it back. Kids DO NOT want to tell the truth when they have taken something. Today, I actually got something back that was taken, and I have no idea who took it--and neither does anyone else!

I was sharing my room with the Librarian because the PTO was using the library. She took a toy away from a kid who was playing with it (it was a little skateboard) and set on the computer. Later we noticed that the toy wasn't there anymore.

We tried telling whoever took the toy to give it back now and there wouldn't be any trouble--I have never got that one to work, by the way. We tried talking to them about how we could search them and find it and that would be more embarrasing than giving it back now--that didn't work either.

Finally, I told all of the kids to gather around the rug. Then I had them all turn their backs to the rug. Finally, I said, "OK, now I want everyone to get out one thing to toss on the rug behind you. It can be a necklace, a shoe, a watch--whatever--I am gonna toss my keys. Whoever has the skateboard, you can toss it--and no one is allowed to look. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1--TOSS!"

There, among all of the other things that the kids tossed, was the skateboard.

"Thank you, now can we please get back to the lesson!?"

That's Not What I Meant

MR. BOWERS: Oh, hey Jessica! Did you cut your hair?
JESSICA (1st grader): No. My mom did.

Poo and Pee

Some boys were playing around in the restroom.



Mr. Bowers enters. Makes a loud echoing whistle to get all boys' attention, then calmy says:



You actually choose to play in here? This is a place where people go to pee and poo--and this is where you choose to play? Wouldn't it be more fun to play on the playground? How can you stand the smell of this place long enough to play? When I come in here, I hold my breath and only stay long enough to take care of my business! What is wrong with you kids?

Don't Do That

I asked the PreK'ers, "What are some things that your mom tells you not to do?"

RAMAN: My mom says, "Don't wear that make-up--that's for me!"

A Good Reason to Run

Whenever I see a kid running in the halls at school, I get real excited and ask them, "Hey, is your teacher givin' out free donuts today!?" They usually say, "No" or "I don't know".

That's where I tell 'em, "Well, you don't need run, then. You only need to run if your teacher is givin' out free donuts. You know how to tell when she is givin' out free donuts?-- Well, you'll see me runnin' too!"

Kinder Name

I forgot to add this one to the list of new kinder names that I love:

Ashatasha

Sounds just like it's spelled--asha-tasha

There You Are!

KINDERGARTENER: Mr. Bowers, I can't find the inside of my jacket.

All You Need is Time

One of the third graders was telling me about his parents getting a divorce and how sad it was making him feel. Here's what I told him:

You know, my parents got divorced when I was in kindergarten? It was terrible. I missed my mom so much.

You know what, though? If my parents hadn't got divorced, I wouldn't be your teacher!

See, I moved to Houston to go to college because that's where my mom was. I loved it here and decided to stay in Houston after I graduated--that's when I started teaching here! I love this job!

I even met my wife in Houston! I love her! She's the best thing that ever happened to me!

See, if my parents hadn't got divorced, I would have NEVER even moved to Houston!

Just give it some time, and things will get better--you'll see.

It Actually Worked!

Gavin got out of his car MAD this morning! I was like, "Dude! What's wrong?"

He yells, "Mom is being mean!"

I say to him, "Man, you better figure out what is making her so mad. I'll bet she's going out to spend a lot of money on presents this weekend. If she's mad at you she might forget to get you anything!"

His expression changed from anger to worry real fast.

Huevos

Sometimes the Bilingual kids say the darndest things:

Angel, who is a 2nd grade boy, said to me, "Fernando touched my eggs."

Save The Tears

Contrell is in 1st grade and yesterday he got his clothes pin moved to yellow! Now, this only means that he got in trouble once for the whole day. He was bawling after school.

MR. BOWERS: What's wrong Contrell?
CONTRELL: I got on yellow! (more bawling)
MR. BOWERS: That's not that bad!
CONTRELL: But I'm gonna get a whoopin! (even louder bawling)
MR. BOWERS: Well, then you better save your tears for the whoopin! If your mom whoops you and you don't have any tears left for her, she may whoop you again!

He came to me today and told me that he didn't get a whoopin afterall!

MR. BOWERS: See! And now you went and wasted all those tears!

Because She's Cute!

Some of the little 1st grabers are still having troudle rememdering which way the lowercase b's and d's face. They will write worbs like, hanb, fibble, winbow and binosaur.

I thought of a way to get them facing the right birection.

In the alphabet, "b" and "d" are both looking at the letter "c" because the "c" is so cute, see? a bcd efg...

Cissy

When Cissy was in 2nd grade, we had a "rain-out" at our school where they cancelled school in the morning because of the flooding. Many of the teachers were already at school and so were many of the students. Teachers just worked in their rooms until the stormed cleared out and some of the teachers had to stay beyond that until their students cleared out!

Cissy was one of those students. Her parents could not be reached for whatever reason. She stayed all day and finally at three O'clock we discovered that her grandparent was home, but could not drive. Her teacher (Ms. Bammel) and I decided to walk her home.

Now she is a Senior. I got a letter from her today:

Mr. Bowers,

This year has been utterly hectic and stressful, with all the college apps and grades and everything else life decides to throw high school seniors. I'm applying to Yale, Columbia, Duke, Dartmouth, Rice, NYU, Stanford, Princeton, UPenn, WashU, St. Louis, UC Berkeley, and probably Cornell and Emory. Oh, and UT. Hmm...i don't remember if i told you, but I'm totally number two, saludatorian at my High School. I had my interview for Rice this weekend; I think my alumni interviewer was quite impressed with my resume, but I suppose we shall see. I can't wait until this semester is over; I can't wait to be free from college apps. I definitely want to take you and Ms. Bammel out for lunch or dinner, some day after January 1st (portal of freedom from apps). Our schedule sucks - usually we get a week off for Thanksgiving break, but now we only got 3 days...bummer. Anyway, got to go write some more essays, apps, homework, studying... the norm. Hope to talk to you soon!

~CiCi

Sub

Today Carrington (1st grade) said, "When I was in Ms. Gillis' room, Ms. Rose was our subway teacher."

Angie Was Being Bullied

I have duty in the morning at the front of the school where many of the kids get dropped off. We have safety patrols out there opening doors for the kids and we all tell the kids "good morning" and "have a nice day" and so on.

Angie gets dropped off there. She is in 2nd grade and this is her first year at our school. Last week, a boy was moved to her classroom because he was having trouble getting along with his former class. Now he is having trouble getting along with his new class as well.

Angie was already being bullied by this new kid in her room. When Angie's class came to Drama, I could tell they were all frustrated and Angie even raised her hand to tell me that he bothered her all the time. The next morning, I stopped her and talked to her about some strategies that she could use like ignoring, moving away from the kid, etc. Angie’s mother saw me talking to her and called the principal and told him, "That man in front of the school is talking to my daughter!"

My principal was very understanding. He told me what I already knew--There is a double standard for men who teach in an elementary school.

I understand her concern, but come on!

Lifegaurd

OK, I was trying to be funny. In the First Grade classroom where I was tutoring, there was a picture of a lifegaurd in a lifegaurd bathing suit. I said, "Uh oh, look at that!" and then I whistled the "wolf whistle". Here's what Elie said:

Mr. Bowers, that's not a hottie, that's a lifegaurd.

You Would Think

You would think that with a name like Raman, this Pre-K'ers favorite noodle would be the Ramen Noodle, but you would be wrong.

Raman's favorite noodle is...SUPERGHETTI


Superghetti. How cute is that?

One Word Stories

In one of the Drama books that I use my class, there is a game called, "One Word Stories." In this game, the kids line up and tell a story one word at a time like this:

KID 1: Once
KID 2: apon
KID 3: a
KID 4: time

...and so on.

Today, part of the story went like this:

...the...dinosaur...liked...to...eat...cotton candy...M & M's...police officers...and ...butterflies.


Those crazy dinosaurs!

Where To Sit

With Obama being the new president, I was reflecting on our country's past. I was reminded of when I taught a regular class for one year--not Drama--just a regular 2nd grade class, and we were talking about Rosa Parks and her whole situation with the bus.

One of my kids, Keana, raised her hand:

KEANA: My mom is white and my dad is black. Where would I sit on the bus? Would I sit with my mom or my dad?
MR. BOWERS: I don't think your family would have been allowed to even get on the bus!

She understood what I meant. We've come a long way!

Helping Our Community

MR. BOWERS: Kids, what things can YOU do that will help our community?
SYDNEY: We can pick up trash and recycle.
MR. BOWERS: Yeah, that's a good one. What else?
CHARLIE: Don't step on beetles because if you kill all the beetles, then we would all end up with piles of poop in our yards.
MR. BOWERS: Um, yeah, ok, what else?

This Year's Kinder Occupations

Every year, I ask the Kindergarteners to act out what they want to be when they grow up.

Brianna was doing some craziness with her hands and opening doors and closing them and stuff. We were all totally confused and had no idea what she was going to be, so I asked her:

BRIANNA: When I grow up, I'm gonna pick gold!
MR. BOWERS: Okay, but what was all that door opening business?
BRIANNA: I'm gonna open the door to get the gold, and hide it so nobody gonna get it.

This Year's Journeys

It's that time of year again: Time for Imagination Journeys! I thought this one was interesting.

Heather wrote:

...and then you find yourself as a baby and a young beautiful woman is looking down at you. You are on an airplane and you feel your ears popping but then you forget about the noise. You look back at the woman and you recognize her. She is your mom but in her younger days. You smell her perfume, you recognize it. Then, she picks you up. You feel her warm hands, she starts to sing very softly to you. You barely hear her and you fall asleep in her arms. You wake up and you are a grown 30 year old lying on a river bank. You get up and you are surrounded by dead trees everywhere. There's an old man sitting next to a tree and he looks cold but your hands are warm so you put your hand on his shoulder--you have the magic touch--he stands up and slowly becomes young again. He's in neat clothes. He thanks you. He gives you an apple as a thank you gift. You bite it then all of a sudden you're a baby again. You wake up in your mom's arms again. She kisses you and you feel home again.

Walk Through

One of the movement activities that I do with the 2nd graders is called "TheWalk Through Game" where kids will immitate how it would be to walk through certain environments and the audience will try to guess what they are walking through.

Today, I had a group of kids pretending to walk into the ocean from the beach and the waves were knocking them around and they were stumbling and falling all over the place.

The audience was raising their hands to guess and I called on Bralio to answer:

BRALIO: They're all drunk!

I'm Startin' to Think This Kid's Just Goofy

I was once again tutoring Oswaldo (first grade)and this time we were working on identifying the letters of the alphabet. We were working on the letter "T" and I was pretending that it was a cup of tea and drinking the little tiny letter "T". Later when I asked him to identify the letter, I was again drinking the letter.

MR. BOWERS: Ok, now Oswaldo, which letter is this one?
OSWALDO: Coffee!
MR. BOWERS: (sigh)

To Serve

Charles (kindergarten) raised his hand right in the middle of one of my "everybody needs to be quiet" speeches and asks me, "Why are you teachers always tellin us to be quiet?"

Here's pretty much what came out of my mouth:

Well, uh, it's because we are trying to serve y'all.  You know, like when you go to get some Mc Donalds, you know, and you order a hamburger?  Those people working there are going to serve you.  It's like the guy is trying to fix you a hamburger and y'all  are all like, "HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON?  WHY YOU COOKIN THAT BURGER?   WHY DON'T YOU PUT SOME MORE KATSUP ON THAT BURGER? DO I GET A BURGER? CAN I HAVE ONE? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I?!!!!!" and y'all are driving him crazy and he can't even serve you any food!  

Well, you're here at school, and you're supposed to be ordering an education and the teachers are only trying to serve you. 

Of course, I lost them as soon as I mentioned Mickey D's.

Shocked!

We were getting ready to do the activity called, "Tell Me About The Time You..." where the kids tell fictional tales about themselves, like: Tell me about the time you fell into a pool filled with sharks.

I was trying to give an example so I needed one of the kids to give me one to do. I asked Ish (pronounced like ice but with the "sh" sound--she happens to be part of the St. Paul family) to give me an example:

MR. BOWERS: OK, Ish, ask me to tell you about something that you know I have never done...come on, look at me and think of something that you know I have never done before...come on, give me one--
ISH: Exercise.

I talked to her later and let her know that I appreciated her sense of humor, but that she needs to be careful not to be disrespectful. She apologized. She burned me fo sho!

Responsibility

Here's part of my lesson on Responsibility:

OK, let's say that your mom is in your room putting up some of your clothes and she accidentally knocks over your favorite "whatever" and breaks it.

Should she walk away and not do anything about it?...Should she hide it from you and hope that you never find out about it?...OR...Should she stop you at the door when you get home from school and tell you, "Sweetie, before you go in your room, there's something you should know--I accidentally broke your favorite 'whatever', and I'm sorry."?

Yeah, she should do number three, right? Well, that's the way most people feel. We all know that people make mistakes; the important thing is that you take responsibility for your actions!

Of course, the kids will accept the moms apology as long as she buys them another "whatever".

Criss Cross Applesauce

MRS. COLEMAN: All right class, everyone sit down Indian Style on the carpet.
MR. BOWERS: Excuse me, she means sit Native American Style--sorry y'all, Mrs. Coleman's Old School.

Poor Seiei

MR. BOWERS: Enrique, in your opinion, who is the weakest person in your class?
ENRIQUE: I think it's Seiei.
MR. BOWERS: Then WHY are you bothering Seiei so much? Come on, you're better than that! That is classic bully behavior.
ENRIQUE: At least I'm classic.

The Number 8

MR. BOWERS: (While teaching a first grader how to identify numbers) See, Oswaldo, you can remember the number 8 because of the way it looks--see, it looks like someone who "ate" too much! Get it? Eight ate too much.
OSWALDO: Yes.
MR. BOWERS: Ok, now, what number is this again?
OSWALDO: 8
MR. BOWERS: And why is it the number 8?
OSWALDO: Because he's fat.

Concentration

MR. BOWERS: Ok, class, now that you know what concentration is, give me some examples of when people concentrate.
ELIJAH: When people are trying to raise the dead.
MR. BOWERS: Um, yeah, I guess they would have to concentrate to do that. All right, what else?

Waspseses

Every day at recess, I see Seiei standing on the blacktop and not playing.  I found out that he is afraid of wasps and he saw one out on the playground and now he is afraid to play.  I have tried offering to play with him and walk out there with him--nothing works.  Yesterday he started freaking out about Hurricane Ike so I told him, "Seiei, no, the hurricane is good--It will kill all the wasps!"

Don't Be The Guy at the Bar

Oren (4th grade) has had trouble behaving at our school forever. Today I may have had a breakthrough with him:

MR. BOWERS: Oren, do you play video games?
OREN: Yeah, I'm playin' Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.
MR. BOWERS: Oh, I already finished that game. Are you having any trouble finishing any of the missions?
OREN: I can't get past the part where you break into that Snoop guy's house. I keep getting shot by the guy at the bar.
MR. BOWERS: I know what you mean. That part used to make me so mad until I figured it out. You have to use the "R3" button and your guy will crouch down and then you can crawl right past him--he won't see you. Anyway, you know how frustrating it is when you can't get past a level in the game and you have to keep trying over and over?
OREN: Yeah.
MR. BOWERS: Well, that's how frustrated I get when you won't let me teach in the classroom. I feel like you are that guy in the bar who is not letting me pass. You don't want to be that guy, do you?
OREN: No.

Now, I hope I don't get a call from Oren's mom because I was teaching him tips for playing Grand Theft Auto. Hey, his mom shouldn't let him play that game anyway!

The Real Trailer Park

KATY (kindergarten):  We were playin' in the yard an this man in his pick-up truck goes speedin' through the trailer park an my daddy jumped in his truck and chased after him and tole him to slow down!

MR. BOWERS:  Where are you from?

KATY:  Port Arthur.

(This is kind of a locational story.  Those who know Port Arthur can understand and can also imagine the HEAVY southeast Texas accent spoken by KATY.) 

Da'General has been Da'Throned

Da'General has long been the best name ever here at my school. Now he has been replaced by a new kindergardener with the best name ever:

True St.Paul

He's gotta be a college football player someday!

(oops, I just found out that True has a brother: His name is Wisdom. Seriously.)

[Double oops, Champ just came into my class and guess who his little brother is?--and they have another brother named King]

Let's review: In this family, we have True, Champ, King and Wisdom. I gotta meet these parents.