The Old Man

I was talking to my dad a while back...

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Dad, remember when I was little, you would tell me that I would get a whoopin' if I got anything less than a "C" on my report card? Why didn't you tell me I would get a whoopin' for anything less than an "A"? Think how much smarter I would have been!

MR. BOWERS' DAD: Well, then you would've been smarter than me!

You're Eating Your Shirt?

One of the Pre-K kids was walking into my drama class and his sleeve was soaked all the way to his elbow from him chewing on it all day.

I said to him, "Oh, you're eating your shirt? Hold on a minute..." Then I ran inside and grabbed the lemon pepper seasoning that I put on salads and came back out and sprinkled some on his sleeve, "...here you go"

He just looked at me with thanks in his eyes and ran into the room.

Then Coach Reid, who was standing by my door, says, "I don't know how you keep from getting fired."

Jack-O-What?

We were doing the "5 Little Pumpkins" song with the Pre-Kinder kids and the Music teacher asked, "What would you call pumpkin that has a face carved in it?" One of the Pre-K kids shouted out, "A pumpkin basket!" Another corrected him, "No, a Halloween basket!"

SLOW DOWN!

It's a sidewalk--not a siderun.


STOP CLIMBING ON THE PORCH RAILING!

If the principal sees you, he's gonna tear down the playground! He'll be like, "Saaay, the kids really love climbing on the rails...we should tear down that useless playground and build a parking lot!"

STOP SWINGING ON THE POLE!

If you wanna swing on the poles, you have to come up here on Saturday or Sunday--that is if you can get a pole, there's so many kids up here swinging on the poles on Saturday and Sunday--you should see it!


That's life out here in the trailer park.

Mom of the Year

After school today...

JESSICA (2nd grade): Mr. Bowers, my mom and dad said that they are gonna sell Lilly (kindergarten sister).
MR. BOWERS: Why's that?
JESSICA: Because she's not being good in school.

Mom walks up right on cue.

MR. BOWERS: Hey, I hear that you're gonna sell Lilly.
MOM: That's right!

Scenes From the Past

OK, so, this one's kinda sad.

With the 5th graders, I am working on emotions. First, I share with the kids an emotional experience from my childhood, and then I call for volunteers to come up and re-create the scene. It's nothing too serious, just a moment of embarrassment or something. Then, I ask for volunteers to share their stories and get kids to recreate the scene while they direct.

Oscar recalled the time when his grandpa woke up in the middle of the night coughing and ended up dying right there in front of him and his dad. I didn't want to have him use that as a scene, but he insisted. He said it happened a long time ago--even before his little sister was born. She is 5 years old now, so, at least 5 years ago.

Jones, Izar and Laura played in the scene as grandpa, dad and little Oscar. They worked so well with Oscar as the director, they really acted their parts with tenderness and seriousness--it was a beautiful scene. I encouraged Oscar to write down the scene and maybe make a play out of it.

All this before 10am. Heavy.

Perla

Perla was in 3rd grade when I started teaching. Now she is in college at Sam Houston State in Huntsville, TX.

She came back to see us and I recognized her immediately. She's making us all proud and becoming a U.S. Marshall! I hope I never see her again--unless she's coming to rescue me or something.

I'm Not Mad

I get really bothered when I am teaching something and kids won't stop talking and listen! Finally, I just had to say, "I'm not mad at the kids who are talking while I am teaching, I'm mad at the kids who are listening to those talkers instead of me! If someone tries to talk to you while I am teaching, just shake your head, no, and point to me to show them where they should be focusing."

Trust

With the first grade, I was doing a trust activity where one student leads another around the classroom and the one being led has to keep their eyes closed. Right in the middle of the activity, Aaron comes up to me shouting, "Mr. Bowers, Mr. Bowers!"

I notice Aaron is by himself so I ring the bell to stop the activity and I notice his partner across the room, just about to run into the wall! I say, "Aaron! Where is your partner? You are NOT showing responsibility! You have lost the TRUST of your partner! Now, what is it that you wanted to tell me?" Aaron said, "I think my partner is peeking."

But Why?

Because every other child you see has NEVER BEEN an adult. However, EVERY adult you see has once been a child. They all made it through childhood--they all survived.

If I am traveling to the jungle, I want to talk to someone who has been through the jungle. I want to know which snakes are poisonous, what to bring, how to climb...the adults in your life are helping you get ready for your trip to being an adult.

That's why you must respect adults.

First Grade Rhyme

H is for hippo, who is so big and FAT if one should ever sit on you, he would squish you____?

VICTOR: Like a tortilla?

Kinder Jokester

I learned the name of the kindergarten girl who told the pirate joke the other day. Here's how I found out:

"Most people with my name spell it S-o-p-h-i-e, but my parents figured out a better way to spell it; S-o-f-i-e."

Then, later, I was telling the kids that they could impress their parents by saying "perspire" instead of "sweat." To this, Sofie replied:

"That won't impress my parents, my dad screams like a college girl when he sees a spider!"

Magic Box

Each year with the kindergarteners I do a Drama game called "Magic Box." I take an ordinary box and pretend to pull something from it and act if it is real, by using pantomime. The kids each get to take a turn and they love it.

Today, we had just finished the game and the kids were lining up to leave. It was raining outside and I was telling the kids to stay on the sidewalk and listen to the raindrops as they walked. Angel was the last one to walk out, and as he passed the magic box, he reached in and pulled out an imaginary umbrella and opened it up. I about lost it, it was the cutest thing EVER!

Kinder Pirate Joke

You know, I haven't learned all the kindergartners' names yet, but one of the girls told us a joke today:

Q: Where does a pirate like to eat?
A: Aaarrrrby's

The New Walk

We were doing our warm-ups in Drama class today. The particular stretch has you touching your left hand to your right toe, out in front of your body, then your right hand to your left toe, out in front of your body. I decided to make it look like i was walking in place. Here's what spilled out of my mouth:

If you feel like a stranger is watching you walk home, then walk like this and the stranger will leave you alone because you'll be stranger than a stranger!

I Vow...

...to stop complaining about all of the changes that have occurred at my school. Although I haven't complained publicly--with my co-workers, I feel I have been kinda vocal. Not the loud complaints, but the subtle, comedic type. Sure, they crack people up, but I've realized that they could be kinda like a cancer to my school.

Since I teach all of the kids, I know all of the teachers. By pointing out the problems that I have with the changes, I think many of the other teachers are getting lower spirits as well.

I think that if I accept the changes and keep a positive attitude like I usually do, I can save the school!

I vow no be 100% positive at school and work hard!

(either that, or I vow to accept that it's not all about me.) ;)

((although I will secretly know that it is.))

Who is Your Sister?

Melanie, a brand new kindergartener in Drama, said to me, "My sister was right, you ARE crazy!"

Sniff It

I was talking to the kindergarteners about their 5 senses:

MR. BOWERS: Your senses can help you be safe. You know, so like when you SEE a glass with something in it that LOOKS like water, or soda, you shouldn't just drink it--you should SMELL it first and make sure it's safe. You know, it could be something *dangerous.
RAMAN: Like a "dult-drink!"


*My older brother drank gasoline out of a coke bottle when he was 3. He survived, but his brain doesn't work right--at least in my opinion. ;)

Medicine

I was talking to Chinoso (5th grade) after school today.

CHINOSO: Man, I'm worried about Mr. Kemp, he used to be in the military, I'll bet he's gonna be tough!
MR. BOWERS: Well, just think about going to his class like taking medicine, it'll make you stronger.
CHINOSO: Mr. Bowers, isn't that steroids?

Kindergarten Advice

One of the PE teachers at our school is switching to teach Kindergarten this year. I stopped by to offer some advice:

When you tell the kids to come in the room, tell them to "sneak up on their chairs" and they will enter quietly.

Remember, you are not the teacher, you're just the kid who gets to be in charge.

Try to act extra excited about stuff, like, you know, if you want them to pick up a piece of trash, you can say, "Wow! That is a really cool piece of trash! Who wants to be the one to pick it up?"

I Vanish

Many times a kid trying to tattle will come up to me and say, "Mr. Bowers, he was doing..." and when they get to the word "he" they turn away from me and point to the other kid across the room and I never hear the rest of what "he" did. I will ask them to tell me again, and the same thing happens! I never get to find out what the other kid did. Finally, I came up with a solution to this problem:

As soon as the kid turns away from me to point, I will sneak off and hide. Then I will watch the look on the kids face as he turns back around and discovers that Mr. Bowers has disappeared!

Almost Back

MRS. BOWERS: I've got that "mini-buffalo-ranch-chicken-sandwich" song stuck in my head.

MR. BOWERS: Hey, that's better than having the "mini-buffalo-ranch-chicken-sandwich" DANCE stuck in your body!


My wife has had to put up with these kind of wise cracks all summer. I realize that, no matter how much I want summer to continue, there are millions of parents and spouses that can't wait for it to end. I really have enjoyed my time away from kids. I was able to cuss, spit, wear flip-flops and tank tops. I am refreshed, my tolerance is back up and I am ready to get back to teaching.

Oh, wait...i still have to build up my bladder endurance.

Oh yeah, if you're in Houston, come check out the show I'm in, but leave the kids at home! It open tonight and runs through August 29th.

The King of Radio

The Summer when Michael Jackson toured the Thriller album( i think), my older brother Paul and I were in the middle of the Texas Panhandle working our Dad's farm. We played this game where every time we started the truck we would try to guess the song that was going to be playing on the radio.

We decided to change the rules of the game. Now we had to guess which Michael Jackson song would be playing when we started the truck. It's kinda like that, now.

I don't mind a bit...although I am sad it had to be because of his passing.



Stevie Wonder: “We need Michael here with us, God must have needed him more.”

Dadism

dadism: (dad-ism) something my dad used to say when i was a kid.



Usually, my dad would refer to any type of sport as, "squat tag". He would say things like, "Did you have that, uh, squat tag practice today?" or, "What are you watchin? Squat tag?"

I just found out that squat tag, besides being a kids* game, is also slang for going out in the woods to use the bathroom.

I get it now!

That's pretty funny, Dad!


*Squat Tag-There are many, many tag games in existence. One of the more popular ones is Squat Tag. In this game, children can avoid being tagged by squatting whenever "IT" is about to pounce. Each child is allowed only three squats. After using up the three squats, the child must depend on his/her running and dodging ability to escape.

I Couldn't Resist

I was tubing on the Guadalupe River this weekend (yes, I'm enjoying my summer vacation, thank you.) and floated by a father and son (aprox. 8yrs old) playing tag, and for some reason they were arguing about whether the boy was a kid or a man because the dad was acting like a monster that chased kids.

DAD: ARRRRGHHH! I'M GONNA GIT ME A KID!
SON: I'M NOT A KID--I'M A MAN!
DAD: NO! You're a kid and i'm comin' for you!
SON: Unh, unh, I'm a man! I'm not a kid! aaaggghhh!

I couldn't resist:

MR. BOWERS: If' you're a man, then where is your mustache?


SON: IT FELL IN THE RIVER! IT FELL IN THE RIVER!! I'M A MAN, I PROMISE!

And The Winner Is:

Dartmouth!

My Kindergardeners Are Going to College

I guess I'm gettin' old. The kids who just graduated high school were in kindergarten when I started teaching at this school. Three kids sent me invitations so I went to the graduation ceremony. I got to see about 15 of my former students and all of them are going to college. Some of them I hadn't seen since they left my school in 4th grade. It was pretty bizaar.

WooHoo!

Don't I Feel Special

I just got this sweet email from Elena's mom after the 5th grade graduation:

I had to tell you this. I caught Elena crying while the 5th graders were singing "I'm ready to go" this morning. She pulled it together, but then she just lost it on the way out the door. Then she said, "Well, at least I didn't have to say good bye to Mr. Bowers. That would have killed me." I thought you should know. -Ruth

I can't believe I didn't get a chance to see her when she left--oh well, she'll be back, she has two sisters that are gonna be in 1st grade and kinder next year!

Hair Cut

MR. BOWERS: Hey Kamaal, nice hair cut.

KAMAAL(kindergarden): It's not a hair cut--it's a touch-up.

More Thanks a Lot

I was just sitting at my desk and looked up and saw a sign stuck above it that the kids left:

PLEASE, Clean me once a week!
Thank You!


Those darn kids!

Thanks a Lot!

Today, the Drama Club had a performance in my room at 5:30pm. Last week I told the kids in Drama Club that they could stay after school and help me get everything set up because I wanted my room to look nice for the parents. They all started cleaning my bookshelves and my desk and everything. I guess my room was pretty messy because at one point, Avery said, "Wow, Mr. Bowers--you should have let us help out a long time ago!" Then Rachel picked up my bottle of cleaning solution and said, "Man! This bottle is still full!"

oops.

The music teacher wanted me to video the 2nd grade concert. I didn't know she wanted it to be a beautiful video, I thought it was just for showing the kids later. I didn't know that she was going to offer the videos up for sale to the parents!

Oops.

Instead of always going close-up on the kids who were singing beautify, I zoomed in on the ones who were lost in their own world; the ones who didn't know the songs and wished they weren't there; the ones who saw someone they knew in the crowd and started waving; the ones who were doing the wrong movements to the songs, or not doing them at all.

Now, dont' get me wrong, I got tons of shots of great kids doing fantastic--'cuz that's how we roll at our school. Most of our kids are super, but the ones that aren't are pretty entertaining. I figured this way we could also show the kids "what not to do" in the concerts. I think the music teacher will appreciate this more in the future--I don't think the parents will, though. Oops.

I Made Up a Joke

What do you call a T-Rex who can predict the weather?


A Meat-eater-ologist!





I know...stick to my day job.

He Sleeps Like A Wrestler

Today the kindergardeners were dressed in their pajamas for some reason or another. Anyway, Jarrell wasn't wearing any pajamas, just his regular clothes. I asked him why he wasn't participating. Here is his response:

You know how those wrestlers fight in their underwear? That's how I sleep.

Logical

I just want to point out one of the neat things about being a teacher--there's a track at my job for me to exercise on after lunch! Well, today I was out walking the track with some 1st graders during their recess:


JALAILA: Mr. Bowers, are you chewing bubble gum?
MR. BOWERS: Yeah, I'm chewing gum because I just ate lunch and I'm still hungry and I heard that chewing gum would help. It's not working, though, because I'm still hungry.
CHRYSTAL: You should eat some chicken nuggets.

Blow-up Guitar

Last night we presented our annual production of "Yo Leonardo" which is a musical celebration of famous artists. At one point in the show, two kids come out with these inflatable guitars and jam out. Jacob was one of those kids:

JACOB: Hey, Mr. Bowers, can I keep the guitar after the show?
MR. BOWERS: Well, we need the guitars for the kids to use next year.
JACOB: But, I put my mouth on it when I was blowing it up.
MR. BOWERS: That's OK, so did the kid who used it last year!


HA! TAKE THAT, SWINE FLU!

Clara Got A Mosquito Bite On Her Face

CLARA (kindergarden): My mom had to put calamari lotion on my face.

Tie Your Shoes

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Tyonne, tie your shoes, the laces are draggin' on the ground. If you go in the bathroom, you're gonna get bathroom floor all over your laces and then when you go to tie your shoes, you will get bathroom floor on your hands and then when you go to pick your nose, you will have bathroom floor in your nose. You don't want bathroom floor in your nose, do you?
TYONNE: No.
MR. BOWERS: Then tie your shoes!


He tied them right away.

The other day, a little kinder kid, Elezar, had his shoes untied, so i tried to talk to his 1st grade sister, Celeste, about teaching him how to tie them. Her shoes were untied too. I went on up to their 4rd grade sister, Melanie, to talk to her about teaching them both and her shoes had velcro straps. (sigh).

The Dunking Booth

So, this weekend we had a carnival to raise money for the PTO. I volunteered to be in the Dunking booth. It was a blast--except for the following:

1. There was no border in front of the tank for the kids, so they kept running up and hitting the buzzer without perission. When I was a kid, and I did that , I had to be real sneaky and quick, you know, jump over a hay bail or something. These kids could just walk right up and no one seemed to object except me.

2. There was no border behind the tank to keep the kids from tripping the mechanism and dunking me. Luckily, a couple of parents stepped up and kept them away after a while.

3. There was a grandpa that also liked to walk behind the tank and dunk me in. Now I know where the kids get it.

4. The kids wanted to get splashed every time I got dunked, so they were all gathered around the tank. I don't know how many times I had to answer the question, "Can I get in the tank?" I always said, "I don't get to decide who gets in the tank, I am just doing my job."

5. The tank was only 3/4 full of water, and you can imagine how low the water was by the time I got dunked a few times. I was dropping like a stone--it was painful! We found the hose to refill it about the time I was getting out.

The best part was that the kids had a blast and I also got to see tons of former students--they all miss me, of course. I can tell because none of them COULD WAIT to dunk me.

My entire body is sore today.

Mad Scientist

I am making a little game show-type movie after school with some 5th graders. It's called "Lettuce Entertain You!" and it's about the 5 food groups. Avery and Kaitlyn were both cast as the host, "Grocery Guy" and have to sit inches from each other the entire time.

After the first rehearsal, I was reminded that they have been nemesis' since kindergarten. They both came to me complaining about the other. Here's what I told them:

You know how they say that fire and water don't mix? Well, you two are fire and fire. I'm hoping that you will get together and create a HUGE explosion of acting awesomeness and this will be the best show ever!........Or this could all blow up in my face...........I'm hoping for the awesomness.

The next day, they both came up to me individually and told me they agreed to get along.

Now we have had three more rehearsals and it is priceless. Sometimes a peek of the hatred comes out in the one who's not speaking's face--it kills me! They are so funny and they don't even know it!

Latest Words of Wisdom

Yesterday Wisdom came up to me and started telling me that he got in big trouble in his classroom. I couldn't believe it. Wisdom is a smart kid and sometimes gets in trouble, but he seemed really upset.

He really had me going when all of a sudden, he says, "Ahhh, APRIL 8TH!--GOTCHA!"

Wisdom has extended April Fools Day to include the whole month, I guess.

Bree's Cryin'

I don't usually have to deal with relationship issues in elementary, but now that we have 5th grade, there have been some conversations.

Yesterday, a group of 5th grade girls were huddled around Bree and called me over:

MACY: Mr. Bowers, Bree's cryin', say something to her--make her laugh!
MR. BOWERS: What's wrong, Bree? (I've taught Bree since she was in Kinder.)
BREE: J.P's gonna break up with me.
MR. BOWERS: Why?
BREE: (still crying) Because I got him in trouble!
MR. BOWERS: What! J.P. is a boy! He probably doesn't even remember why he got in trouble! He can't even remember his name half the time! That's why everybody thinks he's so cute--he always looks like he's thinkin' real hard! I don't know why you're even talking about boys anyway! The cute boys are in college--and they're smart too--cuz they're in college! Ain't that right, girls?
GIRLS: Uh, huh, that's right etc.


That's probably the best I can do--keep herdin' them in the right direction.

Not to Brag...

Just got this Email from one of my 5th grade parents:


Hello,

Zoe auditioned for Drama at Pershing and for Theatre and Broadcast Journalism at Johnston. She was accepted into both schools. So, we must be doing something right. Thanks for teaching her for 6 years.

Shawn


Oh yeah!

Fast Shoes

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Wisdom, I like those shoes you're wearin', I'll bet they run fast.
WISDOM: Nah, these are walking shoes.

Oh, Then It's OK.

ELENA(5th grade): Mr. Bowers, have you seen Talladega Nights?
MR. BOWERS: Elena! You shouldn't be watching that movie! That movie is rated R!
ELENA: No it's not! It's not rated R!
MR. BOWERS: What?! I thought it was.
ELENA: No, it's not--it's un-rated.

Predictable

I was reading the Pre-K'ers a book and was asking them to think about what would happen next in the story and try to predict:

MR. BOWERS: So, what do you think is going to happen next?
RAMAN: You're going to read some more pages!

Go Texan

I had to miss "Go Texan Day" at our school this year because I was out of town, but I heard about it! "Go Texan Day" is a day in Houston where we celebrate the start of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. We even dress up in our best cowboy gear at school.

Mr. Richmond is a teacher at my school and he told me of his conversation with Chase, a third grader who didn't wear any outfit for this special day:

MR. RICHMOND: Hey, Chase, where's your "Go Texan" clothes?

CHASE: I ain't no cowboy--I'm a gangsta.

Thanks.

Chris is a tall, skinny 5th grader. He is leaving the school without all 4 of his little brothers and his little sister, head hanging, frowning--foot draggin'.

MR. BOWERS: Whoa! Chris, what's up? You can't leave without all your brothers and sister--what's wrong, dude?

Chris just stops and stares at the ground. Some of his classmates and friends are walking by, heading home.

MR. BOWERS: Hey, y'all, what's up with Chris? Why's he all draggin' and stuff?
KAMAAL (Chris' kindergarten brother, who just ran up): Some fat, white kid is botherin' him!
MR. BOWERS: It's not me, is it?
KAMAAL: No, Mr. Bowers, you're an adult!

That's Some Spider!

MR. BOWERS: How do spiders feed themselves?

SEFIAT (kindergarden): By catching frogs in their webs.

The Mad Mouse

We were doing our emotion puppet game again today.

Ashton chose "mad" and "mouse".

He gets up there and starts making his mouse act like its throwing up and starts yelling, "I can't take this any more--stop the pain!" Then more throwing up and yelling.

It was really good--like the mouse was really going "mad".