Dadism

dadism: (dad-ism) something my dad used to say when i was a kid.



Usually, my dad would refer to any type of sport as, "squat tag". He would say things like, "Did you have that, uh, squat tag practice today?" or, "What are you watchin? Squat tag?"

I just found out that squat tag, besides being a kids* game, is also slang for going out in the woods to use the bathroom.

I get it now!

That's pretty funny, Dad!


*Squat Tag-There are many, many tag games in existence. One of the more popular ones is Squat Tag. In this game, children can avoid being tagged by squatting whenever "IT" is about to pounce. Each child is allowed only three squats. After using up the three squats, the child must depend on his/her running and dodging ability to escape.

I Couldn't Resist

I was tubing on the Guadalupe River this weekend (yes, I'm enjoying my summer vacation, thank you.) and floated by a father and son (aprox. 8yrs old) playing tag, and for some reason they were arguing about whether the boy was a kid or a man because the dad was acting like a monster that chased kids.

DAD: ARRRRGHHH! I'M GONNA GIT ME A KID!
SON: I'M NOT A KID--I'M A MAN!
DAD: NO! You're a kid and i'm comin' for you!
SON: Unh, unh, I'm a man! I'm not a kid! aaaggghhh!

I couldn't resist:

MR. BOWERS: If' you're a man, then where is your mustache?


SON: IT FELL IN THE RIVER! IT FELL IN THE RIVER!! I'M A MAN, I PROMISE!

And The Winner Is:

Dartmouth!

My Kindergardeners Are Going to College

I guess I'm gettin' old. The kids who just graduated high school were in kindergarten when I started teaching at this school. Three kids sent me invitations so I went to the graduation ceremony. I got to see about 15 of my former students and all of them are going to college. Some of them I hadn't seen since they left my school in 4th grade. It was pretty bizaar.

WooHoo!

Don't I Feel Special

I just got this sweet email from Elena's mom after the 5th grade graduation:

I had to tell you this. I caught Elena crying while the 5th graders were singing "I'm ready to go" this morning. She pulled it together, but then she just lost it on the way out the door. Then she said, "Well, at least I didn't have to say good bye to Mr. Bowers. That would have killed me." I thought you should know. -Ruth

I can't believe I didn't get a chance to see her when she left--oh well, she'll be back, she has two sisters that are gonna be in 1st grade and kinder next year!

Hair Cut

MR. BOWERS: Hey Kamaal, nice hair cut.

KAMAAL(kindergarden): It's not a hair cut--it's a touch-up.

More Thanks a Lot

I was just sitting at my desk and looked up and saw a sign stuck above it that the kids left:

PLEASE, Clean me once a week!
Thank You!


Those darn kids!

Thanks a Lot!

Today, the Drama Club had a performance in my room at 5:30pm. Last week I told the kids in Drama Club that they could stay after school and help me get everything set up because I wanted my room to look nice for the parents. They all started cleaning my bookshelves and my desk and everything. I guess my room was pretty messy because at one point, Avery said, "Wow, Mr. Bowers--you should have let us help out a long time ago!" Then Rachel picked up my bottle of cleaning solution and said, "Man! This bottle is still full!"

oops.

The music teacher wanted me to video the 2nd grade concert. I didn't know she wanted it to be a beautiful video, I thought it was just for showing the kids later. I didn't know that she was going to offer the videos up for sale to the parents!

Oops.

Instead of always going close-up on the kids who were singing beautify, I zoomed in on the ones who were lost in their own world; the ones who didn't know the songs and wished they weren't there; the ones who saw someone they knew in the crowd and started waving; the ones who were doing the wrong movements to the songs, or not doing them at all.

Now, dont' get me wrong, I got tons of shots of great kids doing fantastic--'cuz that's how we roll at our school. Most of our kids are super, but the ones that aren't are pretty entertaining. I figured this way we could also show the kids "what not to do" in the concerts. I think the music teacher will appreciate this more in the future--I don't think the parents will, though. Oops.

I Made Up a Joke

What do you call a T-Rex who can predict the weather?


A Meat-eater-ologist!





I know...stick to my day job.

He Sleeps Like A Wrestler

Today the kindergardeners were dressed in their pajamas for some reason or another. Anyway, Jarrell wasn't wearing any pajamas, just his regular clothes. I asked him why he wasn't participating. Here is his response:

You know how those wrestlers fight in their underwear? That's how I sleep.

Logical

I just want to point out one of the neat things about being a teacher--there's a track at my job for me to exercise on after lunch! Well, today I was out walking the track with some 1st graders during their recess:


JALAILA: Mr. Bowers, are you chewing bubble gum?
MR. BOWERS: Yeah, I'm chewing gum because I just ate lunch and I'm still hungry and I heard that chewing gum would help. It's not working, though, because I'm still hungry.
CHRYSTAL: You should eat some chicken nuggets.

Blow-up Guitar

Last night we presented our annual production of "Yo Leonardo" which is a musical celebration of famous artists. At one point in the show, two kids come out with these inflatable guitars and jam out. Jacob was one of those kids:

JACOB: Hey, Mr. Bowers, can I keep the guitar after the show?
MR. BOWERS: Well, we need the guitars for the kids to use next year.
JACOB: But, I put my mouth on it when I was blowing it up.
MR. BOWERS: That's OK, so did the kid who used it last year!


HA! TAKE THAT, SWINE FLU!

Clara Got A Mosquito Bite On Her Face

CLARA (kindergarden): My mom had to put calamari lotion on my face.

Tie Your Shoes

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Tyonne, tie your shoes, the laces are draggin' on the ground. If you go in the bathroom, you're gonna get bathroom floor all over your laces and then when you go to tie your shoes, you will get bathroom floor on your hands and then when you go to pick your nose, you will have bathroom floor in your nose. You don't want bathroom floor in your nose, do you?
TYONNE: No.
MR. BOWERS: Then tie your shoes!


He tied them right away.

The other day, a little kinder kid, Elezar, had his shoes untied, so i tried to talk to his 1st grade sister, Celeste, about teaching him how to tie them. Her shoes were untied too. I went on up to their 4rd grade sister, Melanie, to talk to her about teaching them both and her shoes had velcro straps. (sigh).

The Dunking Booth

So, this weekend we had a carnival to raise money for the PTO. I volunteered to be in the Dunking booth. It was a blast--except for the following:

1. There was no border in front of the tank for the kids, so they kept running up and hitting the buzzer without perission. When I was a kid, and I did that , I had to be real sneaky and quick, you know, jump over a hay bail or something. These kids could just walk right up and no one seemed to object except me.

2. There was no border behind the tank to keep the kids from tripping the mechanism and dunking me. Luckily, a couple of parents stepped up and kept them away after a while.

3. There was a grandpa that also liked to walk behind the tank and dunk me in. Now I know where the kids get it.

4. The kids wanted to get splashed every time I got dunked, so they were all gathered around the tank. I don't know how many times I had to answer the question, "Can I get in the tank?" I always said, "I don't get to decide who gets in the tank, I am just doing my job."

5. The tank was only 3/4 full of water, and you can imagine how low the water was by the time I got dunked a few times. I was dropping like a stone--it was painful! We found the hose to refill it about the time I was getting out.

The best part was that the kids had a blast and I also got to see tons of former students--they all miss me, of course. I can tell because none of them COULD WAIT to dunk me.

My entire body is sore today.

Mad Scientist

I am making a little game show-type movie after school with some 5th graders. It's called "Lettuce Entertain You!" and it's about the 5 food groups. Avery and Kaitlyn were both cast as the host, "Grocery Guy" and have to sit inches from each other the entire time.

After the first rehearsal, I was reminded that they have been nemesis' since kindergarten. They both came to me complaining about the other. Here's what I told them:

You know how they say that fire and water don't mix? Well, you two are fire and fire. I'm hoping that you will get together and create a HUGE explosion of acting awesomeness and this will be the best show ever!........Or this could all blow up in my face...........I'm hoping for the awesomness.

The next day, they both came up to me individually and told me they agreed to get along.

Now we have had three more rehearsals and it is priceless. Sometimes a peek of the hatred comes out in the one who's not speaking's face--it kills me! They are so funny and they don't even know it!

Latest Words of Wisdom

Yesterday Wisdom came up to me and started telling me that he got in big trouble in his classroom. I couldn't believe it. Wisdom is a smart kid and sometimes gets in trouble, but he seemed really upset.

He really had me going when all of a sudden, he says, "Ahhh, APRIL 8TH!--GOTCHA!"

Wisdom has extended April Fools Day to include the whole month, I guess.

Bree's Cryin'

I don't usually have to deal with relationship issues in elementary, but now that we have 5th grade, there have been some conversations.

Yesterday, a group of 5th grade girls were huddled around Bree and called me over:

MACY: Mr. Bowers, Bree's cryin', say something to her--make her laugh!
MR. BOWERS: What's wrong, Bree? (I've taught Bree since she was in Kinder.)
BREE: J.P's gonna break up with me.
MR. BOWERS: Why?
BREE: (still crying) Because I got him in trouble!
MR. BOWERS: What! J.P. is a boy! He probably doesn't even remember why he got in trouble! He can't even remember his name half the time! That's why everybody thinks he's so cute--he always looks like he's thinkin' real hard! I don't know why you're even talking about boys anyway! The cute boys are in college--and they're smart too--cuz they're in college! Ain't that right, girls?
GIRLS: Uh, huh, that's right etc.


That's probably the best I can do--keep herdin' them in the right direction.

Not to Brag...

Just got this Email from one of my 5th grade parents:


Hello,

Zoe auditioned for Drama at Pershing and for Theatre and Broadcast Journalism at Johnston. She was accepted into both schools. So, we must be doing something right. Thanks for teaching her for 6 years.

Shawn


Oh yeah!

Fast Shoes

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Wisdom, I like those shoes you're wearin', I'll bet they run fast.
WISDOM: Nah, these are walking shoes.

Oh, Then It's OK.

ELENA(5th grade): Mr. Bowers, have you seen Talladega Nights?
MR. BOWERS: Elena! You shouldn't be watching that movie! That movie is rated R!
ELENA: No it's not! It's not rated R!
MR. BOWERS: What?! I thought it was.
ELENA: No, it's not--it's un-rated.

Predictable

I was reading the Pre-K'ers a book and was asking them to think about what would happen next in the story and try to predict:

MR. BOWERS: So, what do you think is going to happen next?
RAMAN: You're going to read some more pages!

Go Texan

I had to miss "Go Texan Day" at our school this year because I was out of town, but I heard about it! "Go Texan Day" is a day in Houston where we celebrate the start of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. We even dress up in our best cowboy gear at school.

Mr. Richmond is a teacher at my school and he told me of his conversation with Chase, a third grader who didn't wear any outfit for this special day:

MR. RICHMOND: Hey, Chase, where's your "Go Texan" clothes?

CHASE: I ain't no cowboy--I'm a gangsta.

Thanks.

Chris is a tall, skinny 5th grader. He is leaving the school without all 4 of his little brothers and his little sister, head hanging, frowning--foot draggin'.

MR. BOWERS: Whoa! Chris, what's up? You can't leave without all your brothers and sister--what's wrong, dude?

Chris just stops and stares at the ground. Some of his classmates and friends are walking by, heading home.

MR. BOWERS: Hey, y'all, what's up with Chris? Why's he all draggin' and stuff?
KAMAAL (Chris' kindergarten brother, who just ran up): Some fat, white kid is botherin' him!
MR. BOWERS: It's not me, is it?
KAMAAL: No, Mr. Bowers, you're an adult!

That's Some Spider!

MR. BOWERS: How do spiders feed themselves?

SEFIAT (kindergarden): By catching frogs in their webs.

The Mad Mouse

We were doing our emotion puppet game again today.

Ashton chose "mad" and "mouse".

He gets up there and starts making his mouse act like its throwing up and starts yelling, "I can't take this any more--stop the pain!" Then more throwing up and yelling.

It was really good--like the mouse was really going "mad".

Cookies!

Our school is doing "The Biggest Loser" and I am, of course, participating.

Yesterday, one of the Girl Scouts came to deliver a box of cookies to me while I was on duty after school. (My duty consists of me telling the kids to sit down while they wait for their ride. Now it's the same kids everyday, so they should know to sit when they come out, but they are not willing to do this until I tell them to--EVERYDAY!)

I opened the box and said, "Let's just see who remembered to sit down when they came out today," and started passing out the cookies. Of course, they all sat down quickly.

I had half a cookie left for myself so I did good on my diet, I got them all to sit down and I supported the Girl Scouts!

Now what will I bribe them with today?

The Sad Zebra

We were doing a 3rd grade activity with the puppets where the kids had to come up with a monologue for one of their puppets based on an emotion that they were given. Callum chose "sad" and the Zebra puppet.

He Starts with the Zebra talking about how he has no money and how he never finds any money on the ground. Then, out of nowhere, he starts dropping dollars from behind the puppet stage and his zebra starts getting all excited and stuff! It was hilarious.

Brendergartener

The kinder kid named Bren is pretty funny. This morning, she says:

I'm tired of sleeping--it gives me a headache.

Prince and Prince

There are two brothers at our school and they are both named Prince. When I ask them why, they say that their dad is a king in their country. I can't get them to tell me any more than that so I'm guessing it is kind of a secret.

At Least He's Polite

So, I had a little problem with Gregorio (4th grade) in my Drama class. He was supposed to write a prepositional phrase for his partner to act out. He wrote, "Blah, blah, blah".

I told him, "Even though yours is very funny, you still have to write the sentence for me so your partner can get a turn to act it out." He refused. This is not a case of him not knowing what a prepositional phrase is, he is just being stubborn.

As I was walking him back to his class, I tried to talk some sense into him. His response:

"Please be quiet."

I tried talking some more. He refused to look at me. I tried calling his mom. She doesn't speak English. I told his teacher everything and she is going to talk to his mom.

This is the part of teaching that is so frustrating.

Maybe I need to take some more psychology classes.

You're Preachin' to the Choir

When the 1st grade teacher dropped off her class, she told me, "Mr. Bowers, can you talk to Dorian, I've had it with him."

I took the class into the room and put Dorian up on a chair--standing. I asked him why adults make children go to school. After a minute or so, I finally got him to come to the conclusion that we make kids go to school to learn how to someday become good adults.

Then I said to him, "Dorian, do you see how much taller you are than me when you are standing in this chair? Well, it won't be too many years until you ARE taller than me--for real! See, I'm only 5'4"--that's pretty short for an adult. You are gonna be way taller than me, and you need to learn how to behave appropriately."

Out of the blue, Quinlyn raises his hand. Quinlyn is a new student (he's only been in Dorian's class for two days) and this is the first time he has ever been to my Drama class. I wonder what he has to say, so I call on him. He says, "Dorian isn't a bad kid, he's just making bad choices."

BLEW MY MIND--FIRST GRADE!! THAT IS SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN TELLING THESE KIDS FOR YEARS!!! I'm always saying, there is no such thing as a bad kid--only good kids who make bad choices."

I asked the class, "Who wants Dorian to try harder? (All raise their hands) See, Dorian, your class supports you. Who thinks Dorian can do better? (All raise their hands.) See, Dorian, your class believes in you too. Now, let's get busy with some Drama"

You're Tellin' Me "NO"?

MR. BOWERS: Angelo, go to the front of the school--your mom is late. She's gonna have to pick you up there.
ANGELO: Nooooo! Just a few more minutes--she'll come!
MR. BOWERS: Now.
ANGELO: Nooooo. Pleeeeease!
MR. BOWERS: Angelo, what do you want to be when you grow up?
ANGELO: A carver. You know, one of those guys that carves stuff in the wood for the buildings when they are building them--like a carpenter or something.
MR. BOWERS: Umm, OK, well, how would you feel if the boss gave you the tools to carve with and they were all dull and stuff and they wouldn't cut the wood the way you wanted them too?
ANGELO: I would hate it.
MR. BOWERS: Well, that's how I feel when a kid tells me "no". Don't be a dull wood cutting tool--be a sharp one...and go to the front of the school and wait for your mom.

Thieves

When it is discovered that something is missing, it is so hard to get it back. Kids DO NOT want to tell the truth when they have taken something. Today, I actually got something back that was taken, and I have no idea who took it--and neither does anyone else!

I was sharing my room with the Librarian because the PTO was using the library. She took a toy away from a kid who was playing with it (it was a little skateboard) and set on the computer. Later we noticed that the toy wasn't there anymore.

We tried telling whoever took the toy to give it back now and there wouldn't be any trouble--I have never got that one to work, by the way. We tried talking to them about how we could search them and find it and that would be more embarrasing than giving it back now--that didn't work either.

Finally, I told all of the kids to gather around the rug. Then I had them all turn their backs to the rug. Finally, I said, "OK, now I want everyone to get out one thing to toss on the rug behind you. It can be a necklace, a shoe, a watch--whatever--I am gonna toss my keys. Whoever has the skateboard, you can toss it--and no one is allowed to look. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1--TOSS!"

There, among all of the other things that the kids tossed, was the skateboard.

"Thank you, now can we please get back to the lesson!?"

That's Not What I Meant

MR. BOWERS: Oh, hey Jessica! Did you cut your hair?
JESSICA (1st grader): No. My mom did.

Poo and Pee

Some boys were playing around in the restroom.



Mr. Bowers enters. Makes a loud echoing whistle to get all boys' attention, then calmy says:



You actually choose to play in here? This is a place where people go to pee and poo--and this is where you choose to play? Wouldn't it be more fun to play on the playground? How can you stand the smell of this place long enough to play? When I come in here, I hold my breath and only stay long enough to take care of my business! What is wrong with you kids?

Don't Do That

I asked the PreK'ers, "What are some things that your mom tells you not to do?"

RAMAN: My mom says, "Don't wear that make-up--that's for me!"

A Good Reason to Run

Whenever I see a kid running in the halls at school, I get real excited and ask them, "Hey, is your teacher givin' out free donuts today!?" They usually say, "No" or "I don't know".

That's where I tell 'em, "Well, you don't need run, then. You only need to run if your teacher is givin' out free donuts. You know how to tell when she is givin' out free donuts?-- Well, you'll see me runnin' too!"

Kinder Name

I forgot to add this one to the list of new kinder names that I love:

Ashatasha

Sounds just like it's spelled--asha-tasha

There You Are!

KINDERGARTENER: Mr. Bowers, I can't find the inside of my jacket.

All You Need is Time

One of the third graders was telling me about his parents getting a divorce and how sad it was making him feel. Here's what I told him:

You know, my parents got divorced when I was in kindergarten? It was terrible. I missed my mom so much.

You know what, though? If my parents hadn't got divorced, I wouldn't be your teacher!

See, I moved to Houston to go to college because that's where my mom was. I loved it here and decided to stay in Houston after I graduated--that's when I started teaching here! I love this job!

I even met my wife in Houston! I love her! She's the best thing that ever happened to me!

See, if my parents hadn't got divorced, I would have NEVER even moved to Houston!

Just give it some time, and things will get better--you'll see.

It Actually Worked!

Gavin got out of his car MAD this morning! I was like, "Dude! What's wrong?"

He yells, "Mom is being mean!"

I say to him, "Man, you better figure out what is making her so mad. I'll bet she's going out to spend a lot of money on presents this weekend. If she's mad at you she might forget to get you anything!"

His expression changed from anger to worry real fast.

Huevos

Sometimes the Bilingual kids say the darndest things:

Angel, who is a 2nd grade boy, said to me, "Fernando touched my eggs."

Save The Tears

Contrell is in 1st grade and yesterday he got his clothes pin moved to yellow! Now, this only means that he got in trouble once for the whole day. He was bawling after school.

MR. BOWERS: What's wrong Contrell?
CONTRELL: I got on yellow! (more bawling)
MR. BOWERS: That's not that bad!
CONTRELL: But I'm gonna get a whoopin! (even louder bawling)
MR. BOWERS: Well, then you better save your tears for the whoopin! If your mom whoops you and you don't have any tears left for her, she may whoop you again!

He came to me today and told me that he didn't get a whoopin afterall!

MR. BOWERS: See! And now you went and wasted all those tears!

Because She's Cute!

Some of the little 1st grabers are still having troudle rememdering which way the lowercase b's and d's face. They will write worbs like, hanb, fibble, winbow and binosaur.

I thought of a way to get them facing the right birection.

In the alphabet, "b" and "d" are both looking at the letter "c" because the "c" is so cute, see? a bcd efg...

Cissy

When Cissy was in 2nd grade, we had a "rain-out" at our school where they cancelled school in the morning because of the flooding. Many of the teachers were already at school and so were many of the students. Teachers just worked in their rooms until the stormed cleared out and some of the teachers had to stay beyond that until their students cleared out!

Cissy was one of those students. Her parents could not be reached for whatever reason. She stayed all day and finally at three O'clock we discovered that her grandparent was home, but could not drive. Her teacher (Ms. Bammel) and I decided to walk her home.

Now she is a Senior. I got a letter from her today:

Mr. Bowers,

This year has been utterly hectic and stressful, with all the college apps and grades and everything else life decides to throw high school seniors. I'm applying to Yale, Columbia, Duke, Dartmouth, Rice, NYU, Stanford, Princeton, UPenn, WashU, St. Louis, UC Berkeley, and probably Cornell and Emory. Oh, and UT. Hmm...i don't remember if i told you, but I'm totally number two, saludatorian at my High School. I had my interview for Rice this weekend; I think my alumni interviewer was quite impressed with my resume, but I suppose we shall see. I can't wait until this semester is over; I can't wait to be free from college apps. I definitely want to take you and Ms. Bammel out for lunch or dinner, some day after January 1st (portal of freedom from apps). Our schedule sucks - usually we get a week off for Thanksgiving break, but now we only got 3 days...bummer. Anyway, got to go write some more essays, apps, homework, studying... the norm. Hope to talk to you soon!

~CiCi

Sub

Today Carrington (1st grade) said, "When I was in Ms. Gillis' room, Ms. Rose was our subway teacher."

Angie Was Being Bullied

I have duty in the morning at the front of the school where many of the kids get dropped off. We have safety patrols out there opening doors for the kids and we all tell the kids "good morning" and "have a nice day" and so on.

Angie gets dropped off there. She is in 2nd grade and this is her first year at our school. Last week, a boy was moved to her classroom because he was having trouble getting along with his former class. Now he is having trouble getting along with his new class as well.

Angie was already being bullied by this new kid in her room. When Angie's class came to Drama, I could tell they were all frustrated and Angie even raised her hand to tell me that he bothered her all the time. The next morning, I stopped her and talked to her about some strategies that she could use like ignoring, moving away from the kid, etc. Angie’s mother saw me talking to her and called the principal and told him, "That man in front of the school is talking to my daughter!"

My principal was very understanding. He told me what I already knew--There is a double standard for men who teach in an elementary school.

I understand her concern, but come on!

Lifegaurd

OK, I was trying to be funny. In the First Grade classroom where I was tutoring, there was a picture of a lifegaurd in a lifegaurd bathing suit. I said, "Uh oh, look at that!" and then I whistled the "wolf whistle". Here's what Elie said:

Mr. Bowers, that's not a hottie, that's a lifegaurd.