That's a New One

OLIVE (Kindergartner):  Awwww, I wish I had a little sister.
MR. BOWERS:  Olive, be careful what you wish for...haven't you heard the expression, "The grass is always greener on the other side"?
OLIVE: No, the only expression I have ever heard is, "Hold on to your hat."
MR. BOWERS: ???

The Song of the Fire

(LOUD FIRE ALARM SOUND During Bilingual Kindergarten)

ISABELLA:  Ohhhh, I'm scared!
MR. BOWERS:  Don't worry, it isn't a real fire.
CAMILA:  Yes, it's only the song.
MR. BOWERS:  ...That's right...it's only the song of the fire!


Now, that's what I will always call fire alarms and fire truck sirens.  I guess now police cars also make the song of the criminal.

Shouting Out

It drives me crazy when kids shout out stuff while I'm giving directions!  If they would just LISTEN!!!

MR. BOWERS:  Ok, now, we are going to move our bodies as though we are in an earthquake...
SANJEEV:  Oh! Oh! Can we pretend that it's an earthquake in Mexico, because--
MR. BOWERS:  Sanjeev!  It's just an earthquake--I don't care where it's happni--
SANJEEV:  Because--
MR. BOWERS:  IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE IT IS!!! It could be on MARS happening 1,000 years from now for all I care, it just needs to be an EARTHQUAKE!
SANJEEV:  That would be a MARSQUAKE!
MR. BOWERS:  SANJEEEEEEV!!!!!!......ok, that was pretty funny.

The Smelly Hand

Sometimes, when a class does really good, I give them The Smelly Hand, which means that I put a cool flavor of chap stick on their hand.  Today one of the kinder kids said, "Oooh, that smells heck of good!"

Evil Music Teacher

When playing the Recorder, your thumb should be behind the recorder.  The Music teacher tells the kids that it's like they are hiding their thumb from her...

MUSIC TEACHER:  If I see your thumb, I'm gonna chop it off and put it in my jar of thumbs!!
THE CLASS:  (GASP!!)
TIANNA:  You never know...people have secrets.

Selective Memory

A kid returned a book to the library that they found inside the Beans Bin at the local grocery store.  We looked up who checked it out last and then found the kid and asked him about it...

MR. BOWERS:  Leonel, did you shove this book into a bin of beans at the store?
LEONEL:  Umm, you know, I kind of don't remember things sometimes...

Bossy Evil First Grader

MR. BOWERS: Joseph, please go to your seat...Joseph, PLEASE go to your seat...NOW Joseph, please go to your seat!

JOSEPH:  Shut up!

MR. BOWERS:  Ummmm, Joseph, were you talking to me?  Did I just hear you tell me to SHUT UP?

JOSEPH:  Yeah, because you won't stop talking.

So Punny

COLE:  Mr. Bowers, I'm gonna give you a knuckle sandwich!
MR. BOWERS: No, thanks, Cole, I'm not hungry.
COLE:  No, that means I'm gonna give you a PUNCH!
MR. BOWERS:  I'm not thirsty either, and besides, punch has too much sugar in it--
COLE: NOOO, that means your gonna get some PAYBACK!
MR. BOWERS:  Cole, I never loaned you money, you don't owe me any payback!
COLE:  AAAGGGHHH!!!