WHY, YOU LITTLE ---DOH!!!

I was working with a group of kids on a project that required some construction paper cutting and so there were several little pieces of paper on the floor.

MR. BOWERS: All right you guys, now get down on your hands and knees and pick up all of the little pieces off the floor.
ALEX: Uhh, Mr. Bowers, I'm not really a "hands and knees" kinda guy.

My Step-dad Hates Me.

GREGORY: Mr. Bowers, my step-dad hates me.
MR. BOWERS: How do you know?
GREGORY: I don't know, I just do.
MR. BOWERS: Well have you ever asked him?
GREGORY: No.
MR. BOWERS: You need to ask him. Just don't ask him when he's watching a game. Does he watch sports?
GREGORY: All the time.
MR. BOWERS: Okay, wait until a commercial and then say, "Can I ask you a question?" --Now listen Gregory, this is going to be real hard to do, and it is going to take a whole bunch of courage--ask him, "Do you like me?" Now, you have to be prepared. He may yell at you and say, "NO--I HATE YOU!!" I don't think that will happen, but it might, so be prepared. If you ask him a serious question like that, he will see that you are a courageous person and he might gain some respect for you. Now, do you think he loves your mom?
GREGORY: Oh yeah, a lot!
MR. BOWERS: Well, I'm sure he doesn't hate you, but maybe he isn't comfortable around kids. Maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you. Just give him a chance and treat him with respect. Communication is the key. Lemme know how it turns out.

Cornholio!

If any of you remember Beavis and Butthead on MTV and remember the alter ego "Cornholio" then you can relate to what I am talking about. This week is always the craziest week in school. Halloween candy EVERYWHERE!

Today the cafeteria was so loud I took a survey:
How many of you have candy at your house right now? (Of course almost everyone raised their hand.) How many of you ate some candy this morning before you came to school? (Same response.) You can imagine how hyped the kids are at my school and it looks to continue all week.

I told them something like this: If I see any candy at school I will take it from you. You know by looking at my big belly that I love candy, so please get out your candy so that I can take it. I can smell candy right now! I see candy wrappers on the floor of the cafeteria! Please get your candy out so I can take it from you! (Of course no one took out any candy.) It will happen. I WILL GET ME SOME CANDY BEFORE THIS DAY IS OVER!!!! Hopefully it won't be yours. Thank you, enjoy the rest of your breakfast.