Old English?

My second graders, yesterday:

PEYTON: Shakespeare? That's what they speak in Harry Potter!
AARON: No, that's Parselmouth!

Money Maker

The other day, Aaron showed up wearing a hoodie and not letting anyone see his hair. Apparently, he had tried to cut his own hair and messed up and his mom was making him wear the haircut as punishment. I told him to OWN it and tell his classmates what happened. Then, tell 'em if they want you to cut their hair too, it'll cost 'em $5.

What Are Ancestors?

NICHOLAS (2ND GRADE): An ancestor is like my great, great, great, caveman grandfather.

Dear Cupid,

Can you please NEVER make Valentines Day happen on a school day EVER AGAIN!!!

Sincerely,

Teachers

I'm gonna Start Saying That

Ellen, a 3rd grader, who was was describing someone who had lost weight said, "He lost all his CHUB."

Opportunity

On old teacher at my school used to say, "Children are like barometers, when they weather is crazy, so are they!"

Today is one of those days and the children are WILD and LOUD! I had to get their attention...

MR. BOWERS: HHHHEEEEYYYYY!!!!!! (They all got silent) You know, this rainstorm is a great opportunity for me to practice my SELF CONTROL.

The music teacher is selling these smelly pencils called, "Smencils" to raise money for our after school clubs. I took a whiff of the ch-ch-cherry flavored pencil, and it reminded me of a scratch-n-sniff book that I had as a kid:

MR. BOWERS: Sssnnnnniiiifffffff...ahhh, this takes me back to my childhood.
TROY: Aw, man, i wanna go back to my childhood.
MUSIC TEACHER: Troy, I got news for ya, you're already there.

Called Her Bluff

The other day in the cafeteria, Susanna was talking loud and acting wild--as usual. I questioned her behavior:

MR. BOWERS: These are not MY rules--they will tell you to behave at ANY school.
SUZANNA: Not at my last school.
MR. BOWERS: You mean, they let you act crazy at your old school?
SUZANNA: Yep!
MR. BOWERS: What was the name of your old school?
SUZANNA: Yellowstone Academy.
MR. BOWERS: Here in Houston?
SUZANNA: Yep!

Now is where I get out my cell phone, put it on speaker phone for her to hear and call information, get the number and call Yellowstone Academy.

SUZANNA: (As it's ringing.) No, no, you don't have to call them...
MR. BOWERS: (on the phone) Hello, I am a teacher and I have a former student of yours here and she says that y'all let kids act crazy...do you let any of your kids act crazy at your school?
YELLOWSTONE: Oh, no, never!
MR. BOWERS: Ok, thank you! (hang up) What NOW Suzanna???
SUZANNA: :/

What Goes Around

Yesterday, I was walking and I hear Coach Reid call me over:

COACH: Hey, Bowers, come here, I got something for your blog. Check out what happened to Aaron (3rd grader) on Christmas break.
AARON: My house got broken into.
MR. BOWERS: Aaron, that's terrible, did they steal a bunch of stuff?
COACH: Here's the good part.
AARON: Well, they stole $22 from me, but $20 of that was money that I had stole from my sister, so, really they only took $2 from me.

A FIVE Year old!!!!

The Music teacher took a picture of Sophia's (Kindergartener) Rock-n-Roll Snowman on her IPhone:

SOPHIA: Mrs. D., can you send me that picture?
MRS. D: Sure, I can email it to you, do you know your mom's email?
SOPHIA: No, but you can just text it to my mom's phone.

Classic case of NATIVE technology user VS. MIGRANT technology user.

Or a Magician

On a kid's birthday, I usually am able to pull a quarter out of the birthday kid's ear. I have been doing this for some time, so kids will usually try to come see me on their birthday to get a quarter. Today, I pulled a quarter out of someone's ear while a new kid, Tre, was watching. Tre freaked out, and said, "WOW! You're a MUSICIAN!!!"

Hug it Out

After we have solved the argument, I tell the kids who were fighting, "Now you two can either give each other a hand shake, or a hug--it's your choice, I won't make you do either...but I recommend you HUG IT OUT!!!"

Fin and Ahnika

This morning, I spotted Fin and Ahnika (Both in 2nd grade) walking to class together, so, of course, I have to say Howdy!

MR. BOWERS: Howdy, y'all! Ahnika, why are you walking with Fin?
AHNIKA: I saw him outside, and I caught up with him?
MR. BOWERS: What? Fin is your friend? Are you sure that's a good idea?
AHNIKA: Yes! He's in my class!
MR. BOWERS: I think that's a mistake! Fin won't be a good friend for you, watch this: Fin, who is the Texan's Quarterback?
FIN: ???
MR. BOWERS: Oh! Uhh, OK, Who won the game on Thanksgiving between the UT Longhorns and the Texas A & M Aggies?
FIN: ???
MR. BOWERS: Oh, well, uhh, what color is Barbie's hair?
FIN: BLONDE!!!
AHNIKA: :)
MR. BOWERS: Well, maybe Fin will be a good friend after all.
FIN AND AHNIKA: Yayyyy!

Just a Piece

The Music teacher was drinking an energy drink out of a can. One of the First Graders, Elijah, had this to say:

She's drinking a piece of beer.

Where ya From Kindergartener?

MR. BOWERS: Legend, are you from Detroit?
LEGEND: No.
MR. BOWERS: So, where are you from?
LEGEND: I'm from Ms. LeBlanc's class.

Those Scarry Oompa Loompa's

Yesterday was awesome! The PTO brought in a guy who teaches drumming to the kids. He had enough drums for every kid to be involved in a huge drum circle. During the Kindergarten drum circle, I happened to be sitting by Ashton. He was doing well until one of the drum songs reminded him of "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." He started getting really worried that they were going to play the Oompa Loompa song on the drums and he is terrified of the Oompa Loompas. He got so upset that I had to walk him out of the drum circle and take him to the office to calm down.

After school I told him that the Oompa Loompas weren't real and that even if they were, they were shorter than a kindergartener so he has nothing to worry about.

Million Dollar Idea

MR. BOWERS: Wow! Troy is in trouble again? What are we going to do with that kid? He's so wild!
2ND GRADE TEACHER: I wish I had some ritalin spray.

2nd Grade Poem

Drama, Oh, Drama, you make me shine
Just like the night sky and
Like a tulip when it's ready to bloom!

By Ellen

Anger Management

Today, I was talking to Derrek about his emotions and offering some suggestions for controlling them:

If I get too angry, I know how to calm myself down. Sometimes, I get so mad, I do the "Hulk Smash" on my bed, like I'm trying to crush it with my fore arms. The bed is soft, so I don't hurt myself, and I can't break the bed by smashing it. Plus, it wears me out. I'm too tired to be mad after that.

Then I took him outside and let him do the primal scream.

PE

We had to split up one of the classes today because a teacher was out, so the kids got sent to either Drama, Music, Art, PE or Computer. As the kids who got sent to Drama walked in the room, I heard:

CHRISTIAN: I wanted to go to PHYSICAL education.

Dirty Restrooms

We have had some restroom messes at our school this year, so I decided to take a "before and after" picture of the boys’ restroom. I showed the kids the pictures from the beginning of the day, and at the end of the day and they, of course, were disgusted. I asked them:

MR. BOWERS: Who gets to clean up this mess every day?
CLASS: Mr. Roberto!
MR. BOWERS: A Grandfather!
CLASS: ??
MR. BOWERS: That's right! A GRANDFATHER! I asked Mr. Roberto, and he has two grandkids, so that makes him a grandfather. How many of you have a Grandfather? Would you want YOUR Grandfather to have to clean up this mess EVERY DAY?
CLASS: No.
MR. BOWERS: So, what do we need to do about these messy bathrooms?


I think that if I can get some sympathy for our school workers, maybe the kids will also help to keep it cleaner :)

These Crazy Kindergarteners!

Man! These little guys really crack me up! I call role to help me learn their names and sometimes a kid will correct me when I call their first and last name by saying their whole name--first, middle and last. Usually, I write it down and call them by all three names for their entire tenure at my school--preK all the way to 5th.

Today, I was calling role and it went down something like this (I'm changing the kids first and last name to protect his identity--but the middle name is real):

MR. BOWERS: Jonathan Tatum.
JONATHAN: Jonathan O'NEIL Tatum!
MR. BOWERS: Did you say, "Jonathan Neil?"
JONATHAN: Jonathan O! Neil.
SOME OTHER KINDERGARTENER: Jonathan OATMEAL???
REST OF THE KINDERGARTENERS: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
MR. BOWERS: (sigh.)

Muy Bien

Today, I was using the puppets with the Kindergarteners--some of them speak English as a second language:

MR. BOWERS: Maritza, do you want a turn?

MARITZA: No, gracias.

MR. BOWERS: But, this puppet speaks spanish!

MARITZA: OK.

Those Kindergarteners do Grow Up

I got a nice email today:

Mr. Bowers,

You most likely will not remember me. I took drama at your school whilst a kindergartener in 1997. I only have a few memories while in kindergarten and some of them contain my time in your classroom. If i remember correctly you were a cheerful teacher with a portable as a room. Thanks for being a awesome drama teacher and keep it up.

I'm 18 years old now. I'm studying pre-pharmacy at the University of Houston and doing great. I contacted you because i believe teachers have a lot to do with the personal growth of a human. My morals and support system could have been greatly influenced by any teacher during my childhood developmental phase. Due to this, i feel it is my obligation to thank you. I am pretty successful in regards to a 18 year old college student. The teachers throughout my life have had significant influence on my success so you have my infinite gratitude. By the way i thought your name was mr. bowser due to playing too much mario.

-Shipapul

Sadly, I was once addicted to Mario Kart on the N64 system. I know what he's going through. I still have a portable as a room. They call it a "temporary building" but there ain't nothing "temporary" about it--it's been here for 20 years! Ahh, life in the trailer park.

Secret Kindergarten Puppy

What a day. Yesterday, one of our kindergarteners brought this puppy to school and kept it in his backpack all day. The puppy was discovered after school. The parents were called and they came to "retrieve" the shivering one-month old. The kid kept the puppy a secret almost till the end of the day, when he told another kid in a different class about it, and that kid told his teacher.

English as a Second Language

OMAR: Mr. Bowers, my little sister, Jana, can't find her class.
MR. BOWERS: Jana, who is your teacher?
JANA: ??
MR. BOWERS: WHO-IS-YOUR-TEACHER?
JANA: ??
OMAR: She doesn't speak English, Mr. Bowers.
MR. BOWERS: Ahhh. Cual es el nombre de tu maestra?
JANA: ??
OMAR: No! she speaks Arabic, like me.
MR. BOWERS: ??

Golden Rule

MR. BOWERS: Ok, class, what is "The Golden Rule?"...Yes, D'mitri?
D'MITRI: Always be kind to Jesus.

Close Your Eyes

I want you to imagine that you are older--way older--and you are looking in the mirror. You see your face and it looks older, and you kinda look like your mom or dad.

Now imagine that you look on the floor next to you and there is a kid looking up at you, who really looks a lot like you! Imagine that you tell the kid, "Ok, it's time to go to bed." The kid gets all grumpy looking and says, "NO! I don't want to go to bed!" You tell him, "NOW!" and he stomps to his room and you follow him and see that the room is a total mess—toys everywhere and potato chips all over the bed!

Now, rewind it--you are still looking in the mirror and you look down at the kid and say, "Ok, it's time to go to bed." and the kid jumps up and skips off happily to their room and you follow. When you get to the room, it is immaculate--all the toys are put away and everything looks perfect--but you can't find the kid! Finally you look at the bed and the kid is all under the covers except the face, which is smiling so sweet!


Now--OPEN YOUR EYES!

Remember that first kid? Would you want to do extra stuff for that kid who is so GRUMPY? How about the second kid? Wouldn't you want to treat that one extra special for being so sweet and cooperative?

Well, someday, you may be a parent, but right now you are the KID! You are THE APPLE OF YOUR PARENTS EYES! You are the one that your parents imagined having!

Are you giving your parents and teachers the respect and cooperation that you would want to get if you were a parent or teacher?

Sure She Did

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Stephanie. How is your rabbit?
STEPHANIE: He went back home--MY MOM LEFT HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE!!!

Meant to Silence That

MR. BOWERS: Ok, everyone quiet down...stop talking.
MR. BOWERS' POCKET: New voicemail.
MR. BOWERS: I said, "No talking!"

Or Not

Today I was giving the 2nd graders a new way to control their anger:

MR. BOWERS: Let's say that your brother is making you mad by switching the TV channel while you are watching your favorite show. You can always get rid of your anger by doing what I like to call the, "Hulk Smash" on your bed. It will get rid of your anger and you won't hurt anything because your bed is so soft!

LAKIFA: Or you can just go up to your brother and say, "YOU BETTER STOP CHANGING THE CHANNELS OR I'M GONNA JACK YOU UP!!!"

Dancin' in the Seats

I was talking to the 4th graders about audience behavior:

MR. BOWERS: If you are at a concert, you might see the audience dancing in their seats, but would you see that in a Movie Theater audience?
C.J.: I saw a guy dancing in his seat, but I think he was a hippie.

Flash Dance Fan?

So, it's pretty hot here in Houston right now and I get real sweaty in the morning while on Duty. Ella is a 2nd grader.

ELLA: WOW! You look like you just poured water on yourself like you were on a Dance Crew!
MR. BOWERS: Huh?
ELLA: Yeah, like in the 80's!

Or a Needle.

I was trying to explain what "thread" is to the kindergarteners on the first day of school:

MR. BOWERS: If you look inside your buttons on your shirt, you will see a tiny string. That is "thread" and they use it to SEW buttons on shirts.
NISHTA: But you has to use a NOODLE.

Another Trip Around the Sun

Any time a kid turns 10 years old, I say the same thing, "Enjoy this year, it's the last time you can use just your fingers to tell your age. Next year you'll have to hold up 10 fingers and one toe."

Finally Missed School

As you may know, it's SUMMER!!! I haven't seen a kid in months! Today, I was taking my wife's weight lifting class at the Downtown Y and some of the kid campers were walking by and one of the kids started posing in the window and showing off his muscles. HILARIOUS! It made me get a little excited to go back to work--kinda.

When people ask me when we start back at school, I tell them, "I go back when they call me and say, 'Where were you yesterday?'"

The teachers go back one week before the kids do--I refer to that week as the "week of sobriety."

Summer is almost over.

Shut Up

Whenever I hear a kid tell another kid to,"shut up," I try to reason with them:

I would get fired if I went around telling kids to, "shut up." If I can't say it, you FOR SURE can't say it.

If I hear a kid cursing, I ask them if they want to tell the curse word to their grandma over the phone. Usually, they decline. I tell them to only use words that they would use if their grandma was at school with them.

With a 13 month old...

...there are two modes:

Preventative maintenance.

or

Clean up.


My nieces' kid.

Middle School Advice

I always try to give the 5th graders some last minute advice before shipping them off to Middle School:

If you hang out with dogs, you may might get some fleas. Choose your friends wisely.

Peaceful Waves

I want to share this poem remembering the tsunami in Japan. It was written by a former student, Hadlea, who is going into 9th grade.


Peaceful Waves


The peaceful waves, they softly crash,
Who knew that they were yet to lash?
Upon the village, upon the shore,
Upon the sleeping city no more.
The giant tsunami with its wave of bricks,
Extinguishing all their candlewicks.
The daughters, delinquents and dads ran about,
Screaming aloud but who was to hear their shout?
No one, however, for they were all gone,
Awaiting the pearl gates at early dawn.
Although sadness fills the air,
And for many, sadness they cannot bear.
Poisonous fluids, gasses and more,
Flood their homes and businesses, straight to the core.
Just one candle, lit by their king,
Could blow their cities, villages, and everything.
Their homes, families and children live in fear,
For another quake that may be near.
Natural disasters happen again and again,
But the greatest help is from the volunteer men.
Hurricanes, tsunamis and much, much more,
Always affect those closest to the shore.
The peaceful waves, they softly crash,
Who knew that they were yet to lash.

Polite Pirate

With 2nd grade, I was playing a Drama game called "Through the Door" where one person is the director and they ask for a character to come through the door. Which ever kid is next in line has to walk through the door and say something as that character:

ZOE: Bring out the PIRATE!
ANNABELLE: Arr. I'm asking people to go on the plank.

From Mrs. Farley

STUDENT: Mrs. Farley, you are like our mother, we spend all day with you!
ANOTHER STUDENT: Great! Now Mrs. Farley has 24 unwanted children.

Oops.

MR. BOWERS: I just gave the quiet sign! Raise your hand if you didn't hear it!


At this point, Paul raises his hand. I forgot that Paul is a hearing impaired lip reader.

Snow Cone Win

We had 2nd and 3rd Grade Field Day today:

FORRIS: I want another snow cone!!!
MR. BOWERS: Sorry, you only get one--but when you grow up and get a job, you can buy your own snow cone machine and have a many as you want.
DESTINY: My dad has a snow cone machine, and it serves ALCOHOL flavored snow cones!


mmm. I bet they're green.

Reached The End of Her Rope

Our walls are pretty thin at our school and sometimes you can hear what's happening in the classrooms as you walk past:

2ND GRADE TEACHER: I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER THING ABOUT FAT MAMMAS!!!

Secrets

MR. BOWERS: Hey, Desmond (1st grade) did your dad tell you that I am friends with him on Facebook?
DESMOND: No, but my dad always be keepin' secrets.

Monday Morning Blues

I walked into the school this wonderful Monday morning and found a 1st grader BAWLING!

MR. BOWERS: Marcus! What's the matter?
MARCUS: I left my Pokemon book at my dad's house! WAAAA!!!
MR. BOWERS: Hey! It's ok, at least you didn't lose the book! Think how sad you would be if you LOST your book!
MARCUS: WAAAA!!!
MR. BOWERS: Heeey, don't worry, you can get it back from your dad, when will you see him again?
MARCUS: I don't know, he drives a boat.

Bathroom Humor

I was walking past the restroom and heard some commotion. As I entered, I saw two 3rd graders both standing in the stall looking into the toilet. I quietly walked up behind them to see what they were looking at when I heard this discussion:

DEVIN: See, those brown marks in the toilet? They are make from dookie.
AARON: Yeah, it's dookie.
MR. BOWERS: I THINK IT IS DOOKIE, YOU'RE RIGHT!!!

They just about jumped out of their skin.

Not Impressed

I had to cover a 3rd Grade class for a minute while their teacher was away. I had a book in my hand, "Alice in Wonderland" and it had all of the other stories and poems that Carrol wrote, so it has about 1,600 pages--a really BIG book.

I asked the kids if they wanted to hear some of it. I opened to where my bookmark was and started to read. Not two seconds in to my reading--complete with English accent--Scarlett raises her hand:

SCARLETT: What page are you actually on?
MR. BOWERS: 35.
SCARLETT: Oh. :(
(pause)
MR. BOWERS: HEY! I JUST GOT THE BOOK THE OTHER DAY!

Let's Pretend

Here's a way to get through a lesson with a tough group youngsters:

Let's pretend that all of you are perfect students--and I'll pretend that I'm a perfect teacher! Ready, GO!